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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Dreamerx Offline
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Name: Beth
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Join Date: April 26th 2009

I can't be around my parents. - April 26th 2009, 04:04 PM

For as long as I can remember me and my parents have argued about everything. Ever since I was little and I first decided I wanted to sing and act on stage my parents have hated me for it. I love the performing arts, singing and acting are two passions of mine. My parents tell me that I'm making the wrong decision by choosing BTEC Acting next year and that I should be taking double science. I hate science. I understand it and I am top in my class but I loathe the lessons. I'm just not interested in any of it, I have tried explaining this to my parents but they say I'm making the biggest mistake of my life and my dad even went up to the school and told them he didn't want me in drama.

The school listened to him, he is on the school goveners and they have always payed close atention to his views and he has always gotten what he wants with my education. I then, because of him changing my options, kicked up a massive fuss and got them changed back after weeks of me coming home crying, him shouting at me, my mum siding with him and me generally being made to feel like a disapointment.

The only person who believes I'm making a good choice is my drama teacher. My dad says she's not a good teacher, but I think different. She's helped me through my coursework (we did early entery) and because of that I got an A*. She's also given me advice with my options and helped me at home with my dad a little, but things always get worse again.

This isn't the only thing he shouts at me for. He also shouts at me for little things, like me forgeting where I've put my glasses or spelling things wrong. He also tells me I'm a selfish gobby child who makes everyone else feel small but he makes me feel tiny.
I know I'm a child and he's an adult but he tells me not to do things (for example: swear, argue etc) and then does them himself. He also doesn't let me have my own opinion, its what he thinks is right, what he thinks is what everyone should do. He doesn't let me tell him how I feel or what I want from my life. If I try to he tells me I should listen to him, that I'm rude and should stop trying to argue with him. I am normally very calm when I try to put across my opinion but I can not always stay calm and these end up in full blown arguements. (theres normally at least 2/3 arguements a week like this if not one every day.)

Me and my mum also argue, but with her its worse. She's always stressed and she takes it out on everyone else. She tells me I'm anorexic and that I try to hard. She tells me I'm to small and that I should be more like my twin sisters. She also tells me I never do anything around the house and that I spend to much time with my friends. I do go out alot, to get away from her and my dad. It's also not true that I don't help around the house, I do. I come home from school, cook an evening meal for myself, my brother and sister and sometimes my dad because she is working and my dad is home late. I also have tried in the past to do my own washing and clean the house - but she shouted at me saying I did nothing but get in her way and that I should go sit in a corner where she didn't have to look at me.

When we argue it always ends up with us shouting at each other. I admit I can be short tempered and I honestly do try to hold my tongue but sometimes she really upsets me. She listens to a relaxation tape a doctor gave her but if anything shes more stressed and say shouts at me more. It's like I can't do anything right. Sometimes when we argue it ends up in a fight, she try and slap me and i'll move out of the way and retaliate. As much as I hate fighting with her sometimes I can't control myself and I feel it can be the only way to protect myself and not get hurt.

I hate my parents, I really do. They've held me back, stopped me following my dreams. I'm a disapointment to them and I'm not the perfect daughter they wanted. They've tried to throw me out before but I've always ended up staying - even though I would quite happily move out. I have never got on with them, we always argue. I have never been happy when I'm around them. We have a laugh sometimes but its like I'm not really there, like there talking to the others but not me.

I don't even trust them. I don't feel I can talk to them about anything, I trust my teacher alot more then I trust them. I don't feel like I'm good enough for them and last year things got really bad and I self harmed. I got help for this from my teacher and things got a little better knowing I could talk to her.

Things at home are still as horrible and I don't feel like over the last 3 years since I started secondary school, and my parents started presuring me with school work, exam results and choosing a career they thought we suitable, that I have smiled honestly and been truely happy.

I've lost the best friend I had, she knew everything about me and my home life but her nan hated me and move her away and sent her to another school. So, now I have no one to talk to but that teacher and I can't talk to her alot because she's away. There is another friend who has helped me a little but I don't get a chance to talk to her because I have to be home on time or my parents get angry.

I really want to move out or just hide from them.

I can't be around them with out being made to feel small, stupid or fighting with them. I'm a disapointment to them, I'm not the child they wanted me to be and because of that they hate me.

I just don't know what to do, if anyone can offer any advice?
I need to get out of here before I break down.. again.
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Mixtape91 Offline
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Re: I can't be around my parents. - April 26th 2009, 11:23 PM

Hey,
You could confront them about how you feel.. Ask one of them to sit down with you to maturely discuss and clear things up. Calmly explain your reasoning behind things w/out pointing fingers and making judgments. Ask them for a reasonable explanation for why they don't support you and tell them that you have passion in acting and just as much opportunity in it then you do in anything else and that your happiness should come first. You could say that the only standards they should have for you is for your well being and that your well being goes in hand in hand with what you love. Tell them that you understand where their coming from (parents always like hearing that) but that their "good" intentions are hurting you and that you know that they don't mean to be, but they are.

If talking doesn't help you could try to have someone help mediate. maybe.. ??

I wish i could help more..

Don't listen to the mean stuff your parents say. Your not small or stupid. Don't let them have the pleasure of making you feel inferior. You deserve more then that, and the fact that your so passionate about what you love says a lot about ones will power. Don't give up on it

Good Luck


“Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.”

- Edgar Allen Poe


The only truth is change, have patience
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