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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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rac146 Offline
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It's like I don't have a family anymore - September 28th 2013, 04:30 AM

Short Version:

"Back in December my sister accused my boyfriend of doing something I know he didn't do. I know he didn't because he was with myself and 2 other friends all night the night in question. Since it was Illegal wrong, and got the police involved. The police investigation found he had alibis and no other evidence was found against him, so the investigation was closed. Yet that is not enough for anyone to be convinced of his innocence. My sister caught off me and my parents (for not cutting me off) and turned the entire family against me. My parents talk to me but they don't want me around, they only want her. I haven't seen my nephew, She gets so much fucking support from the family it makes me sick. She mooched off everyone and treated us like shit, then she just walks away and cut us off like we are shit. I struggle with work, school, everything. But the bills pile up and I have no help. For what?"

To elaborate:
My parents told her they would remain neutral to avoid conflict, my sister went to the ENTIRE family and told them all as if it was fact. They believe her. They have cut me off entirely. While I am not that close to my extended family, it does hurt to have my cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, ect. cut me off. No more family holidays, no more cousin stuff. It hurts they would believe the accusations and believe I would stay with someone who did what he is accused of. They also cut my parents off because my sister told them that my parents accused her of making it up.

My parents, while originally wanting to remain neutral, miss the family and my sister (who obviously will not let them see her son, their only grandchild...she has been using him as leverage). They have started to push me out. (I am in college and live with them right now) They drop all kinds of hints about how they want me gone, even to the point of offering to take care of my pets (so I can find a place easier) and money. They switch between the cold shoulder and yelling at berating me constantly. If I ask them straight out "do you want me gone?" they act shocked and say no, where did I ever get that idea? I tell them, they denying saying or doing any of it. I am terrified they are going to end up deciding to just kick me out. The other day I said I felt like no one wanted me around and my dad said "That's because no one does" When I confronted him, he claimed he didn't remember saying it. Because my sister turned everyone against me, I would have no where to go. I have no one to talk to. Everything else in my life is also become a struggle because my stress is messing up every other part in my life. My boyfriend is obviously extremely grateful to me for standing up for him and tries to be as supportive as possible, but its hard because he is also directly involved, he gets angry or upset too. Us both being upset doesn't help anything.

I'm just really stressed out and needed to vent. I struggle with not really having a family anymore. I miss them but they won't talk to me. It really weird because I'm used to such a large family.


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Re: It's like I don't have a family anymore - September 29th 2013, 07:16 AM

Hello, Ruth!

I'm so sorry you're facing this predicament. =( It must be so difficult to be torn between your family and your boyfriend. I can see why your parents are acting this way - they don't want to lose their entire family, and in a sad sort of way, losing you may seem less catastrophic than losing everyone else they know and love. It's so unfair that your sister is turning everyone against you and your boyfriend, but unfortunately, there isn't much you can do about that. It's disappointing that your extended family members would believe her over you, even though the evidence is clearly in your favor.

Have you had a heart-to-heart with your parents, acknowledging that you understand how difficult it is for them to be caught in the middle? Perhaps they think you'll be okay because you have your boyfriend - let them know that's not true, that you still need their love! Perhaps you and your parents can meet with individual family members and clear up the air without being confrontational. Some people are quick to judge - slowly, but surely, you may be able to show them their first impression of your boyfriend was inaccurate.

This could be a situation where you'll have to "ride it out." Perhaps, over time, these family members will realize your sister was in the wrong, and that your boyfriend isn't as horrible as they fear he is. Your boyfriend may need to "lay low" for a while as you smooth things out with your family members. Hopefully, with time, everyone will become more accepting of him, or at least of you and your parents. It's a difficult situation, and I wish you all the best!






   
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