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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Help me-should I break this friendship? - October 14th 2013, 04:57 AM

Help, I have got this best friend that keeps hitting me... I love her to bits and we always do EVERYTHING together and I practically live at her house but she keeps hitting me for example: I would say something jokingly like "hey breanna, that cute guy is mine.." then she would elbow me in the boob or slap me across the face or like today she just out of the blue slapped me really hard across the face and I laughed and said stuff like what was that for? And then she did it again by then I was like seriously, stop it. But, u wouldn't believe this but she did it again then I was like that's not cool, stop it. Then she slapped me for the fourth time within 5 minutes. By this time I was yelling at her to stop it and her bf and everything was watching me getting b*tch slapped(my bf was there to) and he just stood there and watched. Also I would say something and she would go tell my bf and when she tells me something I keep it a secret. I said something that was obviously slightly insulting(I can't remember) and she just stormed off and threatened to tell every single secret to everyone in the school. I just got sick and tired of this so I threatened to tell her bf about something she said and she(she insults me all the time and I just brush it off) stormed off again and I can tell this is going to go on for a while because she holds grudges. But don't get me wrong she is my best friend and she is the only one in my school that can pick me up when the world seems to be crumbling beneath me and when say my bf brakes up with me and stuff like that... So the question is do I break this friendship? Or should I leave it I don't want to hurt her feelings because she is VERY sensitive how do I tell her to stop(cause she won't listen) without hurting her feelings?




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Liv
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Re: Help me-should I break this friendship? - October 14th 2013, 06:14 AM

Just be up front with her. Tell her you don't like how she treats you and that she needs to stop. Also if she won't stop, I'd might suggest telling her parents how she treats you or at least an authoritative adult. Hope I've helped some and I hope you get this worked out soon!
   
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Re: Help me-should I break this friendship? - October 14th 2013, 10:18 PM

Hi Olivia!

First off, welcome to TeenHelp!

In regards to the situation you are in, this is an example of abuse within a friendship. We often view abuse as only getting it from parents, or from a partner, but you can really get abused from anyone within your life: including best friends. This is a sign of verbal, and psychical abuse. For example, you said she practically blackmails you when you tell her ssomething, or she has no filter and decides to tell everyone about it (including your boyfriend). This is a sign or verbal abuse (to a more mild extent). However, in regards to the hitting, and slapping even after you told her to stop (and said stop in a authoritative way & she still refused), that is a more moderate physical abuse.

Sure, she may not be doing it on purpose, and maybe the physical aspect of things is apart of her nature (ie: that is how she interacts with people/friends); but that doesn't mean you need to accept it, or that you shouldn't say anything.

What would I do? I would talk to her one last time. Tell her that you aren't a fan of the physical stuff, and you don't like it when she hits you - even if it's playful. In regards to the verbal stuff, tell her that you always are willing to talk to her, and keep her secrets and it's only fair if she does the same. If after you talk to her, things don't start to improve, you need to make a hard decision. Either to continue to deal with the abusive things she puts out, or move on and try to seek a more successful and healthy friendship.


Best wishes,
Chris


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I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
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Re: Help me-should I break this friendship? - October 14th 2013, 10:45 PM

You need to be honest with her and tell her that you aren't happy with how she is treating you. You're best friends and yet she thinks it's okay to physically and verbally abuse you as well as tell people things you've told her in secret when you've never do that to her. If she keeps it up, I'd consider whether or not it is worth carrying on being friends with someone like that, you may be the bestest of friends but she shouldn't be treating you like that and she should stop if you tell her too, you could find a friend who wouldn't treat you like that.
   
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