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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Lion Heart Offline
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Making friends at Community College - October 19th 2013, 01:33 AM

Soooo, I'm having a serious issue making new friends. I am super shy and in general have no idea how to make conversation. This is my second year at the community college and I'm 20, I feel like I should have figured this out by now but honestly I don't know how. I'm nice, I just never say the right thing and I often panic and everything comes out wrong. I usually try to ignore it and not let my isolation bother me but lately its been difficult. I used to have friends but when i moved to a small private school in high school all my relationships crumbled and since all the classes were one on one I never met anybody, thus I think my social skills died off as well. But yeah I try smiling at people and talking a little bit and that usually goes okay, but I want the relationships to take off more then that. I want to hang out outside of school and build strong and fun friendships like I used to have.
Also I need to learn how to fill silences. I feel as though it is natural for people who are new to each other to have silent periods when they first start talking and all that. When you are an extroverted and not shy its easy to stay confident and comfortable so you can easily breeze past them and into a new topic. However when I encounter them I freeze up and start panicking a bit and then its real hard to get it started again.

So yeah... there is my problem, thank you for reading and hopefully you all will have some advice for me.


Thanks!
   
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Chris Offline
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Re: Making friends at Community College - October 19th 2013, 10:05 PM

Hey there! Starting friendships and keeping them can be a very difficult thing for people - especially when they are not in their comfort zone. I think you should start off alittle slower. Friendships can take weeks or months to develop to a reasonable context, so you need to take your time and not expect friendships to be full blown over night. For example, when you see someone, say hi. That's it. End of conversation. Now, next time you see that person say 'Hi, how are you doing?', they will respond by saying 'I'm _____ (good, bad, fine, etc), how about you?' and respond back 'I'm good, thanks!'. End of conversation. After each conversation you have with that person, you should add 1-2 sentences until you are getting to the point of the interactions flowing nicely. Once you get to that point, feel free to not keep track and just talk like you normally would without any restrictions.

The other thing I'd like to recommend is getting involved. Start joining groups, clubs, volunteer organizations, or even get a part time job! All these things can aid you in the process of creating friendships.

However please remember, creating and building friendships is a trial and error process. Sometimes it'll take alot of work, but in the end you will find someone (or many people) who you will seem to click with, and have fun spending time with.

Keep your head up and keep trying!


Best wishes,
Chris


Chris
I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
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