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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Memories. Offline
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'Friends' who only do things to get something from it - October 23rd 2013, 10:22 AM

I live with two people currently, one I have no issues with. The other I have quite a few issues with. Any time she does something for someone, aside from her family, she has to have something in return/done for her, or she just won't do it, unless it's something really minor. But like, even just asking her to do her agreed upon chores, like laundry, she asks what she's getting out of it. If I ask her for like, 1 of 6 ice cream bars from the freezer, she asks what she's getting out of it or asks for something in return.
I've talked to her multiple time about this, but it doesn't seem to be getting across to her.
How can I talk to her about this in a way that will actually get through to her? I honestly don't even care if I come across rude any more.
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Re: 'Friends' who only do things to get something from it - October 23rd 2013, 08:31 PM

Sometimes talking to a person doesn't always make much of a difference but it's the actions we do that accompany them that can.

As this girl clearly doesn't seem to understand that you have a problem with her attitude, the best thing is sometimes to join in on the game they're playing. The next time, if she asks if you can do something, ask her what you're going to get out of it. What's good for her is good for you. As for your chores, do your own part, what you've agreed on and don't bother asking her to do the parts she agreed on, if she wants parts of the house being unclean that's her problem, you're not her slave and you shouldn't have to clean up after her. If she ever asks you what she'sgetting out of doing her chores, point out the obvious, she's getting a much cleaner place and a tidier area. In my personal opinion, it's childish behaviour to constantly want something in return over something as simple as doing chores which she agreed upon. If she didn't like what she was asked to do, she couldn't have agreed in the first place.

It may be possible that she does have some personal issues where she constantly needs things in return. Have you considered having a one on one chat with her politely asking if there's a specific reason for her attitude? Sometimes there are underlying causes for this kind of behaviour and although she might not have changed the way she acts despite you trying to talk to her about it, it may very well be that she's noted what you've said but doesn't know how to stop.

Life is for living, not for losing.
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Re: 'Friends' who only do things to get something from it - October 24th 2013, 01:05 AM

I've tried talking to her about it before. She thinks there's absolutely nothing wrong with it. And since the main things she forgets also effect me, I pretty much have to ask/remind her to do her part. I really hate it, but there's nothing I can really do since she thinks that people need to tell her to do things instead of her thinking for herself.
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Re: 'Friends' who only do things to get something from it - October 24th 2013, 11:08 PM

With the chores it is simple what she gets out of it, in return for her doing her share, you do your share. Each time she asks what she gets out of doing one of the items on the list that she has to do, tell her one of the things on the list that you have to do. You could also point out that in return for living with you, she has to do her share of chores, so what she is getting out of it is a place to stay, even if you do not plan to kick her out, as long as she thinks there is a possibility, it may work (although I can not guarantee that, so, I would probably leave that suggestion as a last resort).

As for anything else, that is simple too, in return for her doing things for you when you ask, you will do things for her when she asks, and tell her that you just do not bother keeping count, and that over all it balances out over time. Alternatively you can just try telling her that you owe her a favour, in as far as next time she wants something like that done, you will do it for her, so, in return for taking something out of the fridge for you when you want it, you will take something out of the fridge for her when she wants it, assuming the same situation.

Hope some of this helps

I like to help, and give advice, but I can be brutally honest. Feel free to PM me if you want, for any reason. I have yet to find a topic that I will not talk about, regardless of how much, or little I know about the topic.

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