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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Despair. Offline
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Unhappy Terrible relationship with my dad - December 1st 2013, 06:55 PM

So i've never really liked my dad. We've never had a good relationship starting when I was just a little girl. So when my parents divorced i'd literally beg to stay with my mom . Well ever since my mom died i've been self destructing and have refused to show any bit of love or affection to my dad. It's been terrible living every day with him Well he's now threatening either to give me up or send me to this facility for 30 days for "troubled kids". I have so many people telling me just to respect my dad more , be nicer to him blah blah , but I dont see why if he doesnt treat me the same way... He's just SO mean to me , he calls me selfish , worthless , and just all of these other names >_> I dont know what to do... I cant live like this every day . Its been making me more and more depressed . I just wish he would listen to me for once , I have tried once or twice to straight up tell him why I act this way, but he's just so damn stubborn!


the girl who always seemed unbreakble finally
BROKE
the girl who seemed strong
CRUMBLED
the girl who always laughed
CRIED
the girl who never stopped trying finally
GAVE UP

she let her fake smile fade and as she did a tear rolled down her cheek and she whispered

' i can't do this anymore'
   
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Chris Offline
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Re: Terrible relationship with my dad - December 2nd 2013, 02:43 AM

Hey there.

I can relate to the situation you're in. I lived with my mom, who was verbally and physically abusive, and when I tried to get help, I was told that maybe I should treat her better, and be more respectful. Both statements were absolutely ridiculous. Eventually I moved in with my aunt.

Living with someone you don't like or even hate is most definitely challenging (especially when you're being abused in some way). I'd recommend looking at alternatives (i.e., a family member, a friends house, etc). You don't have to make any decisions right away, but why not weigh your options?

On another note, coming from a troubled home myself, I know what it's like to hate. I hated my mom with a passion. I never knew why I hated her, but I did. I focused so much on what she did to me, I replayed what she would say to me over and over so much that I never left much room in my heart to forgive her in the future; instead I actually created internal problems that affected my other relationships (especially when it came to dating). Once I ended up moving to my aunts, and started counseling for that particular subject, I wished I could have gone back and not dwell on the issues; not dwell on what she did/said to me. Luckily, after 5 years of intense counseling, I've been able to forgive her for what she's done. Will I ever forget what she's done to me? No. Will our relationship ever be what you'd expect out of a "normal" son/mother relationship? No. But atleast I can move on, and try to fix/solve the issues that she's caused me in my own life. My point is, you may not see the importance of allowing yourself room to forgive him, but in the end, you will realize what damage he has done/created in your life, and the only way to move on from, and fix those issues may be to forgive him first. Let me make myself clear - don't accept what you're told (i.e., being called worthless, selfish, etc), but instead understand who it's coming from and don't "hold" onto it those negative words. His words and actions mean nothing to who you actually are.

Make the best of the situation you're in, weigh your options in regards to living somewhere else, don't hold onto what he says to you, and leave room in your heart to forgive him in the future. If you do all these things, I think you'll make your life path a much easier one to walk on.


Best wishes,
Chris


Chris
I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
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Chanie Offline
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Re: Terrible relationship with my dad - December 10th 2013, 06:24 AM

Im so sad to hear that. Did your mom have any parents you could live with?
If you can't leave try to make the best of it by doing the dishes and showing your dad a bit of love I know that would be hard to do but this might make him like you more. Would you treat some one who did not want to live with you after a break up you very well and try to get all A on your report crad this wold make any parent proud. So just try to be nicer I'm so sad for you and I pray for your life to get better and I hope I can help
   
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