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teenager149 Offline
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Pretty Uneasy Right Now... - December 28th 2013, 01:57 AM

To start off, I've always wanted to enlarge my social circle a little more this year. Namely, I have striven to make more girl friends, but I recently stopped doing that, because I started to realize that girls aren't really that important, after all.

Ok so there's this guy named Ted (not a real name), whom I've had classes with last year: band, literature, and science. He is a pretty knowledgeable person, and he has intimate knowledge in biology, like, he's sort of an encyclopedia. He also has a good knowledge at math, which is MY field of mastery, and we often talk. He acts as a good leader to everyone. For example, he was an officer at my middle last year, and he elected for Treasurer this year in high school. He didn't win it though.

Now, the thing about Ted, is that he seems to always have a lot of friends. I've always seen him hanging out with hella lot of girls since last year, and this year we were both in marching band, and he seemed to be friends with almost every single girl in it. I also see that his Facebook is full of pictures of him with girls.

Another thing is that, he acts very queer around girls. He acts like he lost his mind. He always hugs them constantly. From the way I see it, he seems to take the initiative and hugs the girl without asking, and the girl just hugs him back. He very frequently touches them. Of course, the girl would give a yell, but I'm not sure if they're enjoying it or not. Also, I think he is trying to be the nice guy around everyone. I mean, I know that I need to be somewhat considerate around others, and I do it, but do I really need to go as far as hugging other people and acting too ratchet? I (think I) have a lot of friends that care about me because I care about them, but do I need to go THAT far?

For example, when my concert band class was watching our performance in a video, and he was handing out cookies to his girl friends. A couple of other guys and I caught him, and we started crowding around him. He looked at us, laughed, but didn't give us the cookies. Other people brought cookies, though, so I was somewhat more satisfied. Also, he has a lot of friends from the "popular" group too. Well, I mean, I do as well, and after all, "fitting into the group" is a stupid thing to think about. I've learned that big lesson last year.

I guess my biggest concern for me is whether or not it is right for guys to act like that around girls. I do try to act chill around them as well; I always try to listen to what they say, and just be confident in myself in general. But I think Ted's act is WAY too extreme. So I wanted to get everyone's opinion on this situation. I also wanted you guys to decide whether or not I'm just being jealous and over-analyzing things.
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Re: Pretty Uneasy Right Now... - December 28th 2013, 05:57 PM

I've found that comparing yourself to other people, whether it's physically, personality-wise, or behaviorally, can lead to even more confusion about what to do. You said that you think you have a lot of friends because you care about them... so keep doing whatever it is that you're doing! If you're trying to enlarge your social circle, then ask your friends to introduce you to some of their friends, or join a few clubs/organizations at your school that are of interest to you. You can enlarge your social circle simply by being around new people and acting the exact same way: likeable. =)

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Re: Pretty Uneasy Right Now... - December 28th 2013, 06:16 PM

Hey there teenager149,

First off, are you even friends with this Ted guy? If you're not, whatever he's doing shouldn't be any of your concern. I mean, I know how upsetting it must be to see someone like him act like that around girls; that just tells you that he might be doing that to get attention from girls and trying to be a "ladies' man" so to speak. You're right that you don't need to go far with "hugging other people and acting too ratchet", but that's different when you do that with people that you really know and they're your friends. It's okay to do that once in a while, but not all the time. However, people have different ways of expressing themselves, and sometimes, it's hard to tell whether they're being serious or not. So, on one hand, if he's really not your friend, don't pay attention to him, get involved with him, or stress/worry about it. Let him do what he wants to do, and if his actions lead him into trouble, he'll just face the consequences.

On the other hand, if he is one of your friends since you've claimed that you talk to him often and he's causing you trouble, I'd try to talk to him about this and tell him that this kind of behavior is unacceptable. If he doesn't want to change, you can't force him to. However, you only do this if he's your friend. Other than that, just take the other (above) advice into consideration.

Also, you're not jealous and over-analyzing things, but there is a limit as to how far you'll go in analyzing things. Since you've claimed to be calm, be an active listener, and be confident in yourself, keep doing that; when you do so, it'll go a long way for you, and you will find that your social circle/comfort zone will enlarge in time. Just be patient with yourself and be content.

I hope this clarified what answer/opinion you were looking for.

“The main thing is realizing that even if you feel terrible for a while, that’s not how you’re going to feel the whole time. . . . Things change if you just keep moving.” - Gary Vaynerchuk
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Re: Pretty Uneasy Right Now... - December 31st 2013, 05:48 AM

Thanks everyone.
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