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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Kyeto-X Offline
Angel without a Halo
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Name: Will
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Location: USS Magellan-B On assignment in Delta Quadrant

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Join Date: April 27th 2009

Distant Best Friend - April 30th 2009, 04:45 AM

OK, I have this friend, She's my best friend really. We go to each other for everything, we talk, we laugh, etc like regular friends. We've even came out to each other about being Bi. I'm te first person she calls in a crisis 95% of the time. I go to her about 85% of the time. We've known each other for four years. There's just one hitch...

I haven't been in the same room as her in over a year...

She hasn't moved away, we only five about five minutes away. The problem is...well..We're also Exes..We dated briefly in high school (like three weeks) and were each other's first kiss . That's was fine until she broke it off, and i still had feelings for her for a little over a year. I went into this near crazy stalker stage where i was TOTALLY convinced that i could get her to like me again. I didn't get over that until I had graduated from high school. I'm still protective over her, and I still care for her, but i know that we're both better off with other people.

So, we've talked about that, and other things over the years and we have become quiet close. We've been excellent friends, I've helped her with everything from homework to boyfriend troubles. I'm usually the first she calls for help or advise, and i freely give it.

then, one day, a year ago, (she was a grade below me) I had my own apartment and she had this HUGE paper due that she needed some help on. So, I invited her over so i could help her out. It went good for about half hour until I just couldn't stop myself from touching her...nothing bad, just brushing her arm and stuff. But I had crossed a boundary, and she ended up leaving in tears.

We called and txted over it, worked things out. But the thing is that, since her graduation a month later. I haven't seen her in person since. She refuses to see me in person. She admits that she's still afraid over what happened last time. I just want to hang out with my friend, read her experisions and body language as she's talking. I've suggested we meet at the mall, at the park, in very public forums, but she refuses. I'm pissed that my best friend trust me with EVERYTHING but her person.

Do I have a right to be mad? does she have the right to be afraid? how can i work this out?

"One of the things I regret the most of being able to imagine anything,
is having to fear nothing"

"Realty is a lot more malleable then most people think.
They just refuse to believe that they can do anything about it."

"If a simple electron has a small,
but nonzero chance of doing the impossible,
what is stopping us from doing the same thing?"

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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
MadPoet Offline
You're the Original <3
Outside, huh?
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Name: Amanda.
Age: 24
Gender: Female.
Location: Michigan.

Posts: 4,685
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Join Date: January 8th 2009

Re: Distant Best Friend - April 30th 2009, 04:58 AM

Hey Will.
Sounds like a sticky situation to be in, and I know it must be really tough for you to be in. I think that the first thing you definitely should do is talk things through with her and completely assure her you just want to be friends. If that doesn't ease her mind a bit still, which it sounds like it really hasn't, could you possibly ask her if she would feel more comfortable maybe getting together with a few other people around? Maybe you get get a few mutual friends and go to the mall or movies, or something of the sort. If you have more people around, she might feel less awkward with the situation. Other than that, I'd try to keep giving your friend a bit of space. Keep on talking to her and everything, but wait till she's ready to see each other again. I can see why you are annoyed by this, but sometimes it simply takes people time, even if it's a lot more time than we would expect. Best of luck. x

A lonely soul in a land of broken hearts

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thesmallcheese Offline
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Age: 28
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Re: Distant Best Friend - May 2nd 2009, 02:28 AM

You totally have reason to be pissed! She shouldn't have overreacted so. She should have expected some build up tension between you, and understand that you may have not yet overcome your feelings for her. However, if you do want to see her in person again you'll have to be patient. I agree with Amanda that you should suggest hanging out with other friends. Maybe if you even bring another girl friend she'd feel a little more comfortable. If you do a bunch of little things together you can build up her confidence around you... I guess it's sort of just an obstacle you have to overcome.... and after that it should be smoothe sailing.

Sorry, I'm not sure I helped. haha
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best friends with ex, distant, friend, scared

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