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I need help about all my friends - January 23rd 2014, 03:18 AM

My friends at school don't care about me and only talk to me if it's their last option the one that used to be considered my best friend never respected me and treated me like garbage and I got to think about it I realized I never had a true friend my whole life it has been a lie all this time
   
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Re: I need help about all my friends - January 23rd 2014, 04:05 AM

I've had people I used to consider my friends, but in the end, I've only had one person who has actually been my "friend" since early elementary school. The main fault lies in schools. Here's some I wrote a while back in one of my observations I made: "...Kids are always expected by their parents, teacher, and peers to “hang out” with their “friends” constantly...From this point forward, “popular kids” who manipulate their “friends” begin their rise up the social ladder...In the American education system, the very idea of a true friendship is twisted, broken, and thrown out, then replaced with the idea that anyone who has something in common with you is a friend..." The American pop culture just doesn't stress the idea of a true, long lasting friendship like some cultures do. It's always been hard for me to find like-minded people since my priorities are radically different than others of my same age. I have people try to use me on a regular basis with the promise of being a "friend" in return. It's an open lie. What advice do I have to offer for you? One day, you'll find someone whom you can trust, but that may require going through a lot of people who portray themselves to be someone they aren't. After all, an infinite number of false friends will never equal one true friend. Of course, I don't know what background you come from, so this advice may not apply to you at all.




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Re: I need help about all my friends - January 23rd 2014, 12:10 PM

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My friends at school don't care about me and only talk to me if it's their last option the one that used to be considered my best friend never respected me and treated me like garbage and I got to think about it I realized I never had a true friend my whole life it has been a lie all this time
Welcome to TeenHelp. I'm Alexa and I hope you stay with us because there are caring people who won't make you feel so alone and isolated.

For what it's worth I never had true friends at my school and certainly none at college where I finalized my AS Level exams. Since I left to take up full time employment, nobody kept in contact; one by one stopped writing/talking/texting.

Instead of relying on school people, how about you branch out to find a hobby interest that will encourage you to make friends in a practical way? This is what I did on joining an archery club, and an outdoor pursuits group. People came to me and made friends because I shared my interests with them.

Social networking sites can be useful for making friends, but the ones that remain true are those you get to meet in real life. They are the keepers, but remember friendship is one we all have to work together on.



   
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Re: I need help about all my friends - January 23rd 2014, 04:15 PM

It can be tough. I had all these people I thought were friends in high school but upon moving away for university I lost contact with most of them. I only consider 3 or 4 of them my "true" friends now, there's maybe 7 or 8 total who I'll have coffee with but am not really close too.... It sucks when you realize that someone who you craved a connection with isn't "that" person for you.

You're not being bullied (according to this post) so that's a start. I know a lot of people who don't have friends and it's usually because people bully them. I'd be the first to admit that there were people who I avoided being close to in high school because other people said bad things about them or bullied them and I didn't want to be associated with that, usually I didn't care, but that definitely made a difference--if I liked you I'd defend you to the end of the world though, no matter what people said.... If it's just a matter of lacking the connection and intimacy with people you're friends with there ARE things you can do to remedy that. Friendship is a 2 way street for starts. If people feel you are disconnected from them (ex. by being to guarded emotionally, never taking initiative in making plans and not supportive) then they aren't likely to do the same for you. You can always do fun things like making cookies for them, or if one of the people who you want to be closer to expresses distress ove something (ex. school) offer to help them out with a subject their having a tough time with or ask them if they're ok and need to talk.

Now if these people are bullying you (ex. gossiping behind you back in a harmful way, and I can't understate the harmful part of it, cause if you hated on everyone for gossiping about you you'd have no friends, but there's a line people can cross when talking about their friends, also things like purposefully excluding you and even talking about it to your face, or flat out insulting you or cyber bullying etc., it goes on) you might want to seek out friendship in other areas if that's the case.

It's probably not your fault that these people aren't close to you, but I'm just trying to help suggest ways to improve that, which I hope helps. Friendships take time and effort to build. It starts with "oh, this person is cool, I think I'll be there friend, and transitions into something more and deeper, but it doesn't just happen by being passive: you have to be willing to take initiative in making and be supportive of their choices (and vice versa)




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