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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Lion Heart Offline
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Name: Caite
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Join Date: December 26th 2011

Angry My father has prostate cancer and I am PISSED! - January 28th 2014, 11:02 PM

I'm so f-ing pissed off. My dad has prostate cancer. You are supposed to get checked once a year, it has been 8 years since he has. Treatment often doesn't work if you catch it too late. This makes me very angry. I do not understand why he couldn't just go to the fing doctors like a responsible adult and get a check up that could potentially save his life. He has worked so hard towards retirement and now he isn't even going to get to, just because he wouldn't go to a simple check up that happens ONCE A YEAR. It doesn't even take that long. They just draw blood and test your PSA levels. That is pretty simple. He gets a flue shot every year, why not check for the NUMBER ONE CANCER IN MEN? I told him so many times to go get himself checked and of course he said he did but nooo, he didn't. Now it is too late, cant do much about it. Also, we have great insurance and have no shortage of money, so that also is not an excuse.

I am also mad because he has been an alcoholic for a very long time which pretty much ruined our relationship. Now that he has diabetes and can no longer drink things were finally getting a little better between us (he knew how much his drinking bothered me and that wasn't enough to stop him. Diabetes is what stopped him). But now he has fing cancer because he refused to take care of himself. I don't understand why my opinions never made a difference for his behavior. Why could he never listen to me? He just never took me seriously. Now he is going to die. Granted, I am not a perfect person either. And I understand that my father runs away from his problems and that is one of his flaws. I have some sympathy for him. However another part of me is just so mad that he keeps letting me down.

Also, I am not going to say any of this to him. I am going to be as supportive as I can through his treatment process and try and make the most of the time we have left together. This post is to express my raw emotions for the situation and to hear what other people have to say.

"If you touch a spider web anywhere, you set the whole thing trembling. . . . As we move around this world and as we act with kindness, perhaps, or with indifference, or with hostility toward the people we meet, we too are setting the great spider web a-tremble. The life that I touch for good or ill will touch another life, and that in turn another, until who knows where the trembling stops or in what far place and time my touch will be felt. Our lives are linked. No person is an island."
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Chris Offline
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Re: My father has prostate cancer and I am PISSED! - January 29th 2014, 12:46 AM

Hi there, Caite.

I'm sorry to hear about your recent situation. I've experienced very similar situations with my father, to which I had times where I've had to physically drag him to the ER (emergency room) or doctor to get him checked up on. We too, have insurance, but his stubbornness seems to be the issue. I'm glad that you've been able to vent in this post, but I do want to point out that it does nobody any good to be mad or upset at him. It does nobody any good to look at the past and examine what should have been done. Right now, the past means just as much as a bag of garbage. However, what is worth everything right now is the present, and the near future. I'm so very glad to hear that you're willing to support him and guide him through the upcoming process. Continue to watch him, support him, and most importantly, love him, despite past events.

You only have one Dad - so make the best out of the situation and the time you have left!

Best wishes,

I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
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PSY Offline
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Re: My father has prostate cancer and I am PISSED! - January 29th 2014, 02:07 AM

I'm sorry to hear about your father's condition. I can understand why you are so angry right now - most people would feel anger, resentment, bitterness, etc. if faced with a similar situation. I commend you for attempting to support your father, despite your negative feelings toward him. Has the treating physician given your father a prognosis, or made a guess as to how long your father will live for? If so, you and your family members may be able to receive support from various organizations (e.g., hospices, support groups, and non-profits). Don't be afraid to utilize all the resources that are available to your family! You DON'T have to go through this on your own.

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Usernames Suck Offline
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Re: My father has prostate cancer and I am PISSED! - January 30th 2014, 04:21 AM

It's completely normal to be angry when someone close to you gets seriously ill, let alone when this could have been detected earlier for higher chances of a successful treatment. It makes even more sense to me that you're angry because you've only just started to get along with your dad.

I'm very sorry to hear about his cancer.

I recommend trying to work out your anger and channel it positively. For example, using your anger to keep you determined to get medical check-ups regularly through your life and to be careful with your health.

There are specialized forms of counselling and therapy for the relatives and friends of people who have cancer and other terminal or life-threatening illnesses. Maybe this could really benefit you, to be able to talk in a safe setting with someone who is equipped to help you sort out your feelings, listen, and give you the coping mechanisms you may need to get through the situation.

If you can't afford that, there may be dedicated services in your area, in your local hospital or through local cancer charities, that may provide it to you for free or cheap or be able to direct you to somewhere where that's possible. Services of this type often also have information packets and doctors who help relatives of people with cancer understand things better and be supportive.

As to your dad, try to make the most of the time with him and be there for him. If you have a good relationship now, then enjoying whatever time you have left is important for both of you. Has his doctor said anything about how long he'll live and what his chances are? Knowing this can help you come to terms or ease up your fears. If your father needs it, he can also discuss more treatment options with other doctors also just to make sure.
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