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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Everglow. Offline
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Name: Hollie
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Unreasonable? - February 3rd 2014, 10:39 PM

I'm not sure what I'm asking here but I guess guidance on what to do/how to approach this situation now would be handy.

Basically, I have this friend and we've had a falling out. I have a really close group of friends and we see each other a lot, but this one friend rarely wants to see us. I saw her today for the first time since new year, and in the time between now and then she's turned down a lot of invitations out. She missed 2 birthday meals and, when questioned before, said she didn't feel the need to see us all the time and so didn't want us to 'nag' her to come out. She's also busy with uni work, which I get. Anyway, last night I had a go at her over it and basically said I was done because I was tired of being there for her, inviting her out, and having her moan about it and not try to find times to see us herself. As far as I'm concerned, friendship is a two way thing and I'm tired of making all of the effort with the majority of people I speak to (bar the close group of friends who I see all the time). I apologised this morning fr talking to her badly, because it was out of order, and said we could work on building it back up, but that I didn't consider us as close as we were and I didn't feel comfortable acting like nothing had happened. She agreed.

When I saw her today, I felt really awkward personally. Two of my other friends didn't, which was okay, but it felt weird me acting like nothing had happened when my trust has been dented so much and I don't feel like we're best friends now.

So I'm not sure what I'm looking for here. I just don't know how to approach this and not feel awkward every time she's there. I struggled to make eye contact with her today and stuff, and it's not for any particular reason, I just feel uncomfortable now.

Sorry this is so long and if there's no advice/suggestions to give. I kind of want to know I'm not being a bad person and unreasonable too, I suppose. Anything would be great.


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Re: Unreasonable? - February 5th 2014, 07:53 AM

Hey there, Hollie.

First off, don't feel bad that you confronted her about what's being going on. If you didn't confront her about it, that's when I would be more worried about the suitability of your friendship. However, since you did, you opened up a door. That door is the door of communication, which only works when both parties allow ideas, comments, suggestions, and statements to be made. My point is, the problem isn't that you talked to her about this, as you said, the problem is the after feeling.

I've been in your situation where I've talked to friends about a situation, and then not felt good about it and felt as if things "changed". I too, was in a position where I asked people what can I do, how do I fix it? The one thing I got out of it is the word "time". The relationship has been broken, and is barley holding on and that's why things aren't feeling like they normally do. So joke around with her, go out to dinner, continue to hangout with her, continue to keep the door of communication open, and with time, that feeling will go away.

Don't rush things and don't expect things to be 100% ok, right away. Friendships (new or old) cant be thrown together or mended over night. So take some time, and let things fall into place on their own.


Best wishes,
Chris


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