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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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clu_galv Offline
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Confused, friend issues. - May 1st 2009, 12:27 AM

So this is sort of a long story, but here it is. I lost my mother when I was young and never really got the right therapy needed to cope; so I stopped letting people really close to me. As a result I've never had many close friends, and the ones I have left me when I started to have depression issues.

A year ago I met a friend online on a game we both played, and we grew really close; to the point that we became best friends. We could talk about anything, anyone, and were just there for each other. It was going great untill about a month ago, when their schedule got very busy with work and everything. I could deal with not spending as much time, I understood he was busy. But what really started to hurt me was that he'd say he didn't have time for me that day- but then he'd log on at night and play the game anyways; ignoring me. Even though he had just told me he didn't have time for me, he had time for a game. I even suggested he maybe take one night off a week to spend time with me and he said no.
So I got mad and tried to confront him about it and it got nasty and he told me to grow up.

So i told him to just leave me alone from now on, we've been fighting a lot and we always made up- but it still hurt, a lot. I've been getting more and more depressed these past months and I feel like when I needed him to just be there for me so I wasn't all alone again, he picked a game over me. I just really miss him, and Im wondering if I made the right decision on telling him to leave me alone? We've had a lot of fights before and I've always been the one to go to him trying to fix stuff, he never tries to mend bridges, and he hasnt tried to even apologize for this stuff. Im just tired of fighting for a friendship thats one sided, but he said he still loves me a lot and doesn't want to lose me. I don't know what to do anymore, was hoping someone here would have some advice from a clearer mind. Thanks
   
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Re: Confused, friend issues. - May 1st 2009, 04:19 AM

I've experienced similar problems myself.

I grew up with relatively few friends, so the one or two that WOULD spend time with me, I would become obsessively attached to.

Being lonely is not fun, I know. The best advice I can give is to REALLY just put yourself out there. Don't be shy, just start talking to people, check out all the "circles/cliques." If you have more friends, then you're not so reliant on a single individual to provide you with all the attention that you require.

I'm not sure you want to hear it, but I know what it's like to be emotionally dependent on other people, or just emotionally high-maintenance. If you can get a little circle of friends to at least talk with at all times, you should be fine. For instance, check out the chat here at TeenHelp.com. It helps just to have someone to occupy you, whether it's on or offline.

Good luck!
   
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Gaia Offline
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Re: Confused, friend issues. - May 1st 2009, 09:49 AM

If he's making you this upset, you should cut him out your life, he's messing you around, and only talking to you, when he wants to, so in short he's using you. If you want, send him an email explaining why you're doing so, and how he hurt you. Frankly, I believe this guy needs to feel bad about what he's doing to you, otherwise, he won't learn, call me harsh, but really his actions were horrible.
Why not make a few groups of friends from the game, and maybe keep a little emotional distance till you feel comfortable enough to risk things again.
I hope you feel better soon, and just a side note, I'm moving this to friends and family, as I feel it fits better there.
Lou.


"Life is pain, anybody that says different is selling something" ~ Fezzik's Mother, The Princess Bride. ♥

"To die, would be an awfully big adventure."~ Peter Pan

"Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it.
Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumoured by many.
Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books.
Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders.
Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations.
But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it."

~ The Buddha

14-04-2010. R.R <3
   
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