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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Save the Donuts Offline
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Exclamation My stepfather (how he lost my respect) - February 15th 2014, 10:06 AM

6 months ago, my mother introduced us to her new boyfriend. He seemed cool, he was funny, just seemed like a good guy in general.

2 months later we moved into a new a house with his kids to start a new life.
Honestly I was really looking forward to this, we had already met his kids and they were pretty cool too (except his daughters taste in music sorry).
We were starting a new life, leaving every bad memory behind.

A few weeks later, I wondered why I ever thought this was a good thing.

Let's begin with the thing he loves more than anything else in the world... Benito Mussolini.

But that's only the beginning...

1. He doesn't offer support.
Whenever something bad happens to his kids (mostly his daughter), like if they hurt themselves or get upset about something, he usually responds with a blunt "Don't crack it" or goes and lectures them about "It didn't hurt" or "It's your fault it happened".

2. He loves to hate me.
He doesn't do it with anyone else, but whenever he's trying to shame/lecture me about something, he always does it with that same sickening smile that just makes you want to murder a kitten.

3. Nothing is true (unless he wants to hear it).
It doesn't matter what we say to him. Unless it's exactly what he wants to hear, it's almost always passed off as a lie. And when we finally tell the "truth" he'll lean forward and yell "WHAT?" just to rub it in.

4. He's a hypocrite.
Most of what I've already said is reversed when you're in his position. His "truths" are just lies in his favour, we're supposed to sympathize/support him when he gives us none, he can't take criticism yet criticizes us constantly and he knows I hate his disgusting grinning.

He has NO shame in any of the above.
So what would make this acceptable?
In his eyes this is all the right thing.

Which brings us to...

5. He's a shameless fascist.
He's declared this house a "fascist society", he idolizes Benito Mussolini and thinks we should all idolize him and he thinks he can control EVERY single aspect of our lives.

All of this is driving me crazy.
I'm just so sick of constantly being screamed at and belittled by someone we're supposed to love and care about.

I honestly hate to hate my stepfather, but he's pushing me to the point where I'm ready to tell the world how bad this all is with a smile on my face.

I've wanted to get this off my chest for a long time, thanks for letting me vent.

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Re: My stepfather (how he lost my respect) - February 17th 2014, 08:43 PM

Hey,

I'm sorry to hear that things aren't working out so well with your stepfather. I know it must be really difficult to have to deal with all of that every day, and it's not fair that you have to. You should be able to feel comfortable in your own home, and you should feel like your family is supporting you rather than causing so much conflict in your life.

I think you should talk to your mom about the issues you're having with your stepfather. Obviously there are some things that you can't really change about him. You can't ask him to change his beliefs, for example, no matter how offensive or bothersome they are to you. Certain things you mentioned sound like they're just part of who he is, and unfortunately things that you're probably just going to have to get used to. But the way that he treats you is something that you should definitely bring up to your mom. If you're unhappy with his behavior towards you then maybe your mom could have a talk with him about it and ask him to treat you with more respect. You also could consider confronting your stepfather about it yourself, but from what you've said about him it sounds like he has kind of a volatile attitude and that might just cause a fight or disagreement and make things worse. So I think it would be better if you had your mom talk with him instead.

As for the things that you can't change, I'd suggest trying not to focus on them too much. He doesn't sound like he's too great of a guy, but obviously there's some good in him if your mom chose to be with him and to make him a part of your family. Maybe you could try getting to know him more... try looking past his negative characteristics and find some things that you actually like about him. Even if you never end up liking him much hopefully you'll reach a point where it's easier to get along with him and you'll at least find him tolerable.

I hope this helped a little and that you're able to work things out. Feel free to message me if you ever need to talk. Good luck


   
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