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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Corrupted Offline
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Name: Jake
Age: 21
Gender: Male
Location: California

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Join Date: June 30th 2013

It's either what I want or what they want. - February 23rd 2014, 02:01 AM

For quite a while, tension was building up in my family. That's normal right? Not if it's all directed at you. My brother? All he does is insult me all the fucking time with my parents completely ignoring it. My mother? She takes her stress out on me whenever she feels like it, and when I try responding/defending myself, she tells me to shut the fuck up and continues taking her stress out on me, almost as if she wants me to respond so she can continue her bitching. She even told me she loves my brother more than me, something she has denied [lied] about in the past. My father? If he's not exercising or working, he's going on about how I'm lazy and my brother is the king of perfection in his eyes. This all adds up to their expectation of me: to be silent and submissive to their attacks while still being "respectful" and "grateful." I'm sorry, but respect is a two way street. If you're going to treat me like a second-class citizen, expect the same in return, not the exact opposite. I'm finished here.

"Structure is the enemy of progressive thought."

Last edited by Adam the Fish; February 23rd 2014 at 01:26 PM. Reason: Moving to Friends and Family forum.
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Re: It's either what I want or what they want. - February 23rd 2014, 03:12 PM

Hi there, Jake.

I'm sorry to hear you're experiencing this. I can relate to what you're going through, in the sense that, yes, all families have disagreements, but I feel most of the tension in my home seems to be between everyone else and me. It's rough to deal with.

There isn't much advice I can give, because, really, as I know and I'm sure you know, it seems like, regardless of what you do to try and impress your family members, they'll still go at you for things that aren't your fault or aren't reason enough to treat you this way. My one suggestion is that you could try to seriously discuss how you feel about the way you're being treated with your parents, but, honestly, I believe you'll be able to make the best judgement on this course of action, which, in a lot of cases, isn't ideal for the person in the situation.

I hope things get better, somehow. Hang in there, and all the best.

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Paint Offline
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Re: It's either what I want or what they want. - February 24th 2014, 01:57 PM

I'm sorry that you're being treated this way in your family. That doesn't seem like it's fair to you at all. I don't know whether to call this borderline emotional abuse but if it's getting to the point where you're reaching out for help about it, it seems like it's really impacting you. I'm going through a similar situation and I know the last thing I want to do about it is talk to my family - some people have more approachable parents than others, and I'm sorry that your parents don't seem like they're all that approachable. But if I'm wrong - by all means, communicate this with them, even if it's through a letter.

But I'll take my guess and assume that you don't want to do this. If you don't, you can take one of two options: either play the game back, or simply forfeit. If you choose to play the game back, you can really try your best to just compete as much as you can with your brother and prove to your parents that you are not lacking anything that he is. Hard work is the key to this. I think regardless, you should do this. But if you want to play the game, make it obvious. Boast about your achievements, minor or major, point out when your brother does something he shouldn't have, and just straight up show your family that you are not worth anything less than any of them.

However, if you choose to go with the second option, you'll find greater peace with yourself. Forfeit. Ignore. Let them win. The best revenge is living well, if you go and silently work hard toward your life and make something big out of yourself, your family will come to shock and realize this themselves. Work as hard as you can to make yourself the best person you can possibly be, and when it's time to move out, show them what a success you are. In the mean time, coping can be hard, but I'd say play the silent treatment. Just show them that you don't even take offense to anything they say. If you keep getting upset at your parents and brother, they're going to think their mockery and rudeness is working. If you act like you don't care and just shrug it off, they'll eventually start to realize they're beating a dead horse, and just stop.

I would honestly just stay away from them if they're giving you this much trouble. Hide away in your room and just work hard. Life's short. Yolo. Honestly. Don't let them take anything away from you - your pride and self confidence especially.

I'm sorry if this was rather childish advice, but when your family is behaving this way, this becomes a good option. Best of luck with everything. I hope you turn out to prove them wrong.
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