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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Magda Offline
Magdalena Konopacka
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Name: Magdalena
Age: 20
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Thumbs down one mistake! - April 1st 2014, 09:36 PM

I made a mistake ages ago involving a bf. I trusted him. He told ppl, they told ppl and it won't leave me alone! It's been months. I'm so tired of it but I can't ask for help from adults cuz it'll mean telling them the truth. I hate myself, for trusting, for doing what I did, for being so dumb! No body ever lets it go! I don't know but I feel like writing this somewhere.
I guess I need advice on letting it go, pretending like I don't hear the comments, to trust again.
I need to lock down but I'm too weak to even do that!
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
SpecterH Offline
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Re: one mistake! - April 1st 2014, 09:43 PM

I know it's tough but, at this point, all you can do is ignore them and be the bigger person. We all make mistakes, and it's important to remember that. You're not perfect, and therefore, you can't expect yourself to be perfect. You need to learn how to cope with the mistakes that you're going to inevitably make in your life - because there will be a lot of them (some will be worse than others).

At this point, hang around a close group of friends. Having that kind of support network will make the world of a difference. Ignore the immature people and the comments they make; why do they even matter? I know it's easier said than done but this is all in your control. You have the choice: listen to them or ignore them. Listening to their comments will upset you, and you don't want that. Your only alternative is to ignore them. It may be difficult to ignore them initially, but it'll get easier - especially if you're surrounded by good people.

If you feel comfortable, talk to a trusted adult. You don't even have to go into specific detail about what the mistake was. They can listen to you tell a very general story without specifics and provide you with quality advice that can help more than you think.

Ultimately, I think it's best for you to not deal with all of this by yourself. Reach out to people who are closest to you and lean on them for support. You'll encounter situations like this throughout your life; you need to be the stronger person in order to handle them effectively.


Harvey Specter
Don't play the odds, play the man.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Magda Offline
Magdalena Konopacka
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Re: one mistake! - April 1st 2014, 10:02 PM

Thx a lot for your response. Thing is, I only have one friend and I'm really scared I'm losing her too. I want to ignore and I want to move on but ppl won't let me. I know they're immature and stuff, but it doesn't make their words less true. I'm stuck there for another year. I don't really have friends and the only thing keeping me alive is my family. I'm not suicidal but it's true. The person who spread it the most, when I see them surround by friends and with a smile across his face, I feel like I lost. I feel like it should be the other way round because due to them I have so many problems so why are they happy?! Y am I still punished!?
   
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SpecterH Offline
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Re: one mistake! - April 1st 2014, 10:21 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Magda View Post
Thx a lot for your response. Thing is, I only have one friend and I'm really scared I'm losing her too. I want to ignore and I want to move on but ppl won't let me. I know they're immature and stuff, but it doesn't make their words less true. I'm stuck there for another year. I don't really have friends and the only thing keeping me alive is my family. I'm not suicidal but it's true. The person who spread it the most, when I see them surround by friends and with a smile across his face, I feel like I lost. I feel like it should be the other way round because due to them I have so many problems so why are they happy?! Y am I still punished!?
Unfortunately, life isn't fair and you're going to have to deal with these types of people for the rest of your life. The key is to stop taking things personally. They're likely behaving this way because they can see that it bothers you. Show them that you don't care about what they're saying. They continue because they see it affects you; don't show them this. If they don't get a reaction from you, they'll likely get bored and stop doing it.

With regards to your friend, if she's a true friend, you won't lose her after confiding in her. True friends don't judge each other no matter what. Talk to her about it and lean on her for support. Like I mentioned before, you don't even have to tell her exactly what happened. You don't have to tell her anything at all. But, spending time with her and leaning on her can help you more than you think.

Additionally, reach out and make new friends. Get involved with activities at school. Not only will this involvement provide a distraction for you, but it'll also provide you with the opportunity to meet new people who have similar interests.


Harvey Specter
Don't play the odds, play the man.
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Magda Offline
Magdalena Konopacka
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Re: one mistake! - April 2nd 2014, 02:43 PM

Yeah, Thx. I'll try to ignore it and I'm part of the police cadets and can't add any other stuff to my responsibilities. I'm always slightly scared to share bad stuff with her cuz I don't want it to affect her. I dunno, I'll just concentrate on my exams. Thx a lot
   
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