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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Question I always mess things up - April 1st 2014, 11:45 PM

So, this year i am a senior and decided to get to know my underclassmen a little better. I go to a really small school so its pretty easy. He is one of my brother's friends and he is really fun to be around and energetic. He's an exchange student from Korea and i study the language so naturally i want to talk to him. we would text on and off. It was fun and nice for a while. I am in a long distance relationship and my social life isn't much outside of school (it's kind of a long story, but i don't really have super close friends this year)

So, we've had some disagreements that we agreed to just not bring up and such but i think this time he is just being the freshman he is. I text him often and one day i asked if he was invited to junior/senior banquet. (its our school's version of prom, but a little different) underclassmen can only be invited by a junior or senior. So i just casually asked him if anyone had asked him, and he just said "no, whats that". i said "it's basically like prom, I was just curious" He didn't say anything about it afterwards but my brother told me the next day that he thought i had implied asking him out. Which was not my intention.

Today i told him that he misunderstood me and i will stop texting him for a while. I just feel awkward because he's basically like another little brother to me. He said he was sorry that he misunderstood and i apologized for my lack of explanation or intention.

Now i'm just kind of kicking myself because i get kind of overly friendly with people who actually talk to me. I feel like its a repellent and i'm kind of lonely. Is it me? is it him? or both? What can you recommend to do about this? I hate to lose friends.

Last edited by PSY; April 2nd 2014 at 07:57 PM. Reason: Moved thread to the Friends and Family forum.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I always mess things up - April 1st 2014, 11:59 PM

If he's a real friend you won't lose him over this..I dont think you did anything wrong at all. He just misunderstood you that's all..message me if you ever need anything
   
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Re: I always mess things up - April 3rd 2014, 09:52 PM

Okay, so a few days have passed since this and now he is ignoring me hardcore. I'm not really sure why because i thought we resolved this. I said i wouldn't text him anymore and held to it. It think its just because he misunderstands texting more than just talking. I just don't get why he's pretending like i don't exist. I'm ignoring him right back, but i'm not sure how much longer i can hold out. It just makes me kind of pissed. Maybe this "friendship" isn't worth it? I'm not understanding his intentions but i'm afraid to ask him about it.
   
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Re: I always mess things up - April 4th 2014, 07:16 PM

Hey, I'm no expert but I've had similar experiences with friends. One thing I learned is not to over-think it, because there's a chance the friend hasn't given it a second-thought.

There's nothing wrong with being overly-friendly. I don't think this is a result of how you acted or how you said something, but it's simply the result of the small misunderstanding between you two.

Now, it may have been uncessary to stop texting him if the texting wasn't the problem, but rather the small misunderstanding. But he may need some time to think things out. It sounds like you two apologized and that's great. But why stop texting?

If he's more comfortable talking, you should try to talk to him about it. If I have a problem with my friends I try to talk about it and be upfront with them. Communication in relationships is very important because you can let the other person know how you're feeling. Just like how you're not sure why he's ignoring you, but maybe he's willing to talk to you about it.

One thing, and I had did this is the past and loss a friend, was I assumed the friendship was over too soon. Looking back, I realized I hadn't given her the chance to fully talk about it. And your friend may need some time to think about it. Don't let this end your friendship though-- it's not worth it.

I hope everything works out for you.

P.S.

Are you worry you come off as desperate when talking potential friends? If so, you could always try to tone it down. I get it though because when I had to move to a new school, I was worried my attemps at getting to know people would come across as desperate. I was lonely and I really wanted to make a friend. What I've learned is just to be myself. When someone talks to you, just talk back as you regulary would. And remember sometimes making friends doesn't come instantly.
   
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Re: I always mess things up - April 5th 2014, 05:48 PM

That's exactly how i feel! I think because there are plenty of other people that i could make friends with my own age (but not have the same kind of relationship) and because its a small school talk goes around so fast and ya get judged no matter what you do. I would look so desperate to go to "extreme" lengths save a small friendship with someone like that. People ask me all the time why i like to hang out with the underclassmen. Mostly because i feel like that old lady who needs to feel young by hanging with "young" people. Simply put, yet they still think its weird. Plus, my senior class is really just a class of lazy complainers and i'm pretty sick of everyone.

He's still ignoring me, but i'm questioning whether or not it is worth it. He's just an immature freshman, but he can also give me a good laugh when i need a boost to my day. I should probably confront him about it in person. I'll have to formulate my words very carefully...he seems to find the loopholes in my words, thus misunderstanding me quite often. I give him a break because English is his 2nd language but he is good enough to know these things.
At this point, i'm still upset that i'm being ignored, but could probably walk away if i really needed to. Should i ask HIM if HE wants to still be friends? Put the ball in his court rather than mine?
   
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Re: I always mess things up - April 8th 2014, 11:25 PM

Trust me, highschool mentalities may think this now but their opinion on "having friends in a lower grade than mine" will change, hopefully by the time they hit college. It isn't weird at all, and in fact people all over have friends who are younger. And if there's no one in your class you feel you'd get along with, that's understandable. I certainly felt that way before. But don't just rule everyone out yet-- you may meet someone you'll click with.

You could ask him, just be aware he might not give you the answer you want. However I can't see him saying no, as that wouldn't make much sense if you have already been friends and the problem between you two was only a minor misunderstanding (but that's my opinion). It is possible he might believe you like "like" him, and therefore is avoiding you because he feels awkward.

Really, I think your best option would be telling him you want to stay friends. Your relationship with him might not be where it was before, but time can change that.
   
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