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Rainie Offline
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Name: Ranie
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I just don't feel at home anymore - April 5th 2014, 06:00 PM

POSSIBLY triggering. I'm not sure.

I have a certain paranoia about people I don't know. It's mainly strangers in the streets, people at school, and some people in my classes who I'm not familiar with. The problem is, I've started to apply this to my dad at home, and it's making me uncomfortable. I'm being distracted from my school work and I've had 6 detentions this half-term, making my dad even more pissed and making me feel less safe. I've ofund myself only feeling safe with my friends. And although it's cliched, I feel like they're the only ones who understand me.

All the time, I just want to get out of the house, see my friends or just be left alone in my room without people disturbing me. My sister is back from university for 2 months but she's been distracted from us by her work and her complicated relationship. It's making me upset - my paranoia - and I do self-harm from it. This makes it worse; it's just another thing I need to hide from my parents. They think I've stopped.

I'm not good with talking about my feelings to anyone, not even my sister, but my closest friends. How can I leave the house or get some time alone without people questioning or worrying about me?
Thanks in advance ~xx
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Rivière Offline
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Re: I just don't feel at home anymore - April 6th 2014, 01:14 AM

It's completely understandable to be paranoid about people you don't know, we all get suspicious about something/someone in one form or another. What is it that makes you paranoid about people you don't know? Is it that you question their motives all the time? Or is it something else? How about your dad, what is it about him that's started to make you feel paranoid? You said that because you've had 6 detentions it's made him more angry, are you paranoid because you worry it may escalate and that because of this, you feel you don't know him as well which creates your paranoia of him?

No one is good at talking about their feelings all the time, some people find it a lot more difficult to express themselves, explain their issues or tell people their problems than others. It's just a part of who you are and it's also a part of other people to question and worry. People don't always question just to know, but to understand, people can't always understand what's going on if they don't ask questions and although this may be tiring or frustrating having to repeat yourself over and over if you're having to explain a single problem to multiple people but sometimes there are ways around it such as carrying a letter or sending them an email which you've sent to someone else, that way you don't have to 'tell' them all over again because that copied letter/email will do the work for you. People who care about you will always worry, it's instinct and completely natural. When we care for someone and we know or at least feel things aren't going well for someone, we worry, we can't make them stop worrying but what we can do is just embrace the fact we're cared about.

Life is for living, not for losing.
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