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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Well apparently i'm the bad guy. again. - April 14th 2014, 04:07 AM

well, i was doing well until today. actually, this is really stupid, i think anyway. i had a youth group dinner to go to this evening, and i was with my friend ,J. she's my oe of my best friends, and we hang out a lot. the only problem is that my brother doesn't like her. he thinks she's annoying, and he never shuts up about it. he's always on about how loud she is, how annoying, blah blah blah.

so i told her what he said. she and i agree that we prefer to know what people say about us behind our backs. well, tonight, the two of them got into it, (i don't remember what happened that she brought it up) but her parents were there, so when we got home, he told my mom about it. and she started yelling at me for telling J! she says i shouldn't have told her! "how could you say that in front of her parents?" she says. i didn't, J did, first off.

and then my brothers says that he "doesn't tell his friends what i'm like at home" which is a flat out lie. last week a kid at my school told me that my brother has told them that i'm a bitch, and i wear to much makeup (which is another argument altogether, as i find makeup to be another form of art, not a mask) who knows what other things he's said about me, but still i can't tell my friend that hes bashing her behind her back.

honestly, everyone in our youth group talks about her, i've seen them. it just makes me angry. yeah she's loud and hyper, but she balances me out since i'm so pessimistic. i can't believe they won't give her a chance, and that somehow this is all my fault. arg i hate people right now!

sorry this is so long


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Re: Well apparently i'm the bad guy. again. - April 14th 2014, 04:21 AM

Gossip sucks.

If I were you, I'd do my best to stay out of things like that. If people want to spread gossip about other people, you can listen, but I wouldn't move the gossip forward. I know that you and your friend vowed to tell the other if they heard any gossip about them. However, I think this may only make matters worse in the long run.

At the end of the day - is partaking in this even worth it? You saw it yourself: you didn't even do anything wrong and yet, some of the blame has been attributed to you. It becomes a "he said-she said" kind of situation, and those situations are crappy; you will never, ever win in those kinds of situations.

Moving forward, I'll make a couple of recommendations to try and avoid these issues in the future:

(1) Be very careful about what you say about other people behind their backs - and who you say them too. Anything can (and will) be used against you at some point in the future, so just be weary of this.

(2) Don't spread gossip that you hear - even if you think that you "should" tell the person that the gossip is about. Why put yourself in the middle of a situation like this? It'll look bad on you, regardless of the truth of the situation. Just don't get involved.

I know things suck right now, but you kind of have to experience situations like this so that you know how to handle similar situations in the future. Personally, I stay out of almost everything. People can vent to me and gossip to me all they want, but that gossip will always stay between the two of us. I refrain from getting myself involved because I know of the inevitable drama it'll cause - regardless of how little involvement I have in the situation.

It'll blow over soon enough, don't worry.


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Re: Well apparently i'm the bad guy. again. - April 14th 2014, 07:04 PM

I have to agree with Harvey. In cases like this, it's always best to stay out of it and try your best to just ignore what people say. The two of you may have promised to tell each other things like this, but it's always likely going to hurt to hear things to any extent. No one really appreciates others saying nasty things about them.

If I were in this situation I'd probably just politely tell your brother that she's your friend, and that you'd appreciate it if he didn't say things like that around you. When others say it, just ignore it and keep in mind that those are things you appreciate about her. Instead of telling her something someone said, maybe just throw her a compliment about how you appreciate her friendship and personality.

Not everyone's always going to like her and that's not your fault, but it's great that she has a friend like you that does like her and give her a chance.



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Re: Well apparently i'm the bad guy. again. - April 14th 2014, 07:06 PM

In cases like them, better ignore. I agree with @Mel on this one. Good said.
   
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