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thatdude Offline
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Branching out? - May 3rd 2009, 07:51 PM

Not sure exactly where this fits, but I thought I'd post it here. So I'm a guy with a big problem of xenophobia (fear of strangers). I don't like talking/being around/interacting with people I don't know which kinda keeps me from having too many friends. I also go to a all guys Catholic school so this keeps me from meeting girls and whatnot. I don't get invited really to hang out with people so my circle of friends is just limited to the 15-20 friends I have at this school and the band (which is coed). I can be semi-outgoing when I'm comfortable, but getting in that comfort zone around people I don't know is extremely hard. I'm also a little heavyset (which I am comfortable with) and not the most attractive person, so meeting girls and hitting off is an extreme rarity. In fact, I've never had a girlfriend or kissed anyone or done any of that. Most of my weekends are composed of sitting at home and doing nothing. How do I go about getting over my fear, branching out to other friends, and hopefully getting a lady-friend?
   
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Re: Branching out? - May 3rd 2009, 08:50 PM

Heya! First of all, welcome to the boards! I'm Katrina. [: I'm really glad that you joined; I love seeing new names and faces around. If you haven't yet, be sure to introduce yourself in our "Arrivals and Departures" forum so we can properly welcome you, okay? I think I'm going to move this to Friends and Family, which is where most of our "I need to meet new people!" threads end up.

Things you can do to meet people:

-Meet friends of friends! Some people might call this one "networking." It's a really fun and awesome activity that I like to participate in, myself. Then, once you become friends with your friends' friends, you become friends with THEIR friends. It's an awesome, never ending cycle.

-Be confident! It's always so much easier to meet people who are confident in themselves than people who hide in the background and won't come up and approach you. If you're a nice guy, I don't bet you're going to have too difficult of a time meeting girls if you're confident about yourself. Confidence is just really attractive. I'm not exactly sure why.

-Help out a good cause! [Yes, to everyone who knows me and is reading this post, I know I would say this]. Two causes that I really want to briefly talk about here are Invisible Children and To Write Love on Her Arms. I've been to events with both of these organizations and I've met some truly amazing people there. You can see of my experiences with IC here and you can visit the TWLOHA website here - just to see if there's any events in your area soon.

-Now, for the really brilliant news. You're sixteen! That means you're leaving for college in one to two years, which is really awesome! In college, I believe you'll find it a whole lot easier to start over and make new friends and meet people, simply because everyone else there is doing the same thing.

So, good luck. I have faith in you.



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Re: Branching out? - May 3rd 2009, 09:04 PM

Thanks for the help Katrina!

Still, I'm not really sure how to meet friends of friends, since I don't really get invited to hang out with groups of friends. Most of the time I'm the one doing the inviting and it's usually just with like one person. I also don't really want to be that guy on FB or Myspace that just randomly requests people :/

It's kinda hard for me to be confident when my fear of making a fool of myself is conflicting with my confidence so much :[. I kinda overthink too much about what people will think about me and I don't end up doing it or miss my chance.

I am a supporter of TWLOHA, as I've been through my fair share of depression, though I've never been to a meeting before. I would like to go but I never know when they are and I'm not really a fan of going places by myself without someone I know with me :/
   
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