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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Ambiance Offline
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Should I continue living with a relative? - May 14th 2014, 08:43 AM

I really want to make this as short as possible. I moved states away to live with my sister a few months ago. I did it because I was upset with my life and needed a drastic change. I have realized that here I stand a better chance as far as school is concerned as well as my mental health. The environment I was living in bummed me out, I wasn't excited about the university I was attending, and I had issues from here to Australia with boys and friends. I thought I would just take some time off but I actually think I have more opportunities to hone my skills and the chance to attend a much better university here. So, I've decided to stay here to finish my college career.

So, basically, my sister gets on my last nerve in a lot of ways because she's pretty condescending and belittling at times. I know that she doesn't really mean to be, and really she's been totally awesome to me and I appreciate that. But she's overly involved in my life and quit judgmental. However, she got a new job recently--she was in between for a while--so we won't be around each other nearly as much and she'll have other things to preoccupy her again. But it doesn't change the way she talks to me. It kind of makes me feel like shit and I think it would anyone. Because she really just directs everything you say back to some experience she's had, because she needs validation that that experience was funny or interesting or scary or whatever, because she needs to feel like she's interesting, and she's really condescending and kind of belittles me. She's a really insecure person and I know that that's why she does it and that really she loves me a great deal and I love her too of course, but it's hard for it not to bother me. She's also just kind of controlling, honestly. I mean, I can tell her no to something anytime I want, but the way that she just freaking plans out her every movement every day and I have to be involved in it really irks me. But once again, we're both involved in other jobs and stuff now. Anyway, she's offered to move into a two bedroom apartment and only make me pay 300 for rent and 100 for food. Versus, 500 CHEAPEST for rent if I move somewhere else, with utilities if I am LUCKY, and then food and such. My sister's not restrictive of my activities, say, staying at a friend's house or such. She's just opinionated and I don't really like letting her have a position to comment on things in my life because it affects me and how I act just because I don't want to be judged. However, living with an adult still provides me with some stability, keeps me from having roommates that might have like drug users over and stuff (because I'd have to find roommates on craigslist and I really wouldn't know until I moved in), it would keep me from stressing over money and give me more time to focus on school, and I would still be able to go party or whatever if I really wanted to. It just kind of robs me of that sort of complete independence that I'd really like to have. That complete independence requires that I jump up, get a much better job than the one I have that probably is more difficult if it pays better, spend a greater deal of money on things and exhaust a lot more effort. But I would get the benefit of probably just feeling a bit better about myself.

So basically, there's negatives and positives to each side and I'm just not sure what to do. I mean, I'm 19, I have like three years max of college to go through, and I really don't intend on living here when I'm done. And my sister does know that. She just views it as an opportunity for her to get a bigger apartment and ease the rent a little, and give me a break from worrying about starving like a normal college kid. I know that, like any decision, there's pros and cons to each side and I'll just have to decide what's more important to me. I'd just like some opinions to help me move this decision along.
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continue, living, relative

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