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KassaN Offline
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Question Need help please! ASAP! Don't know how to feel about this! - May 26th 2014, 08:37 AM

This situation just occurred literally like five minutes ago, okay, maybe more because of the time it took me to type it. I know it's long but bear with me, please, I need advice!

My friend texted me a little while ago if I could go out, I told him yes. He's like 'I'm five minutes away from your house'. I got ready and shortly after, he texted me that he was outside my house. I got into his truck and just drove like six blocks from my house. He parked and started talking.

He seemed...not usual. I asked him if he'd been smoking, since I know he smokes weed and he replied no. I was like 'okay, if you say so'. We kept talking, or more like, I kept talking. He kept making me uncomfortable because he kept touching my leg, trying to touch my breast, and grabbing my hand and pulling it toward his penis. I kept telling him to stop. Thankfully, it went no further. Granted, I should have done something, like gotten out of his truck the second he was making me uncomfortable, but I didn't, don't know why.

I, after getting tired of talking and receiving no input that he was listening to me, told him to talk as well. He then asked me what I meant the other day when I told him "I'm always here if you need anything," after he kept talking about his ex of four years. Obviously, he's still pretty shaken up about the break up, can't say I don't blame him. I told him what I meant, that I'm always here to listen if he needed to talk. He told me, "I thought you wanted to hook up." How could anyone possibly get this from what I told him? I just said that as a friend, that I'm here if he needed to vent his feelings.

Anyway, after I explained to him what I meant with my statement, I asked him what he wanted. He, and I still can't believe this, told me, "I thought you might want to suck it." I was just shocked. I told him no, that I wasn't that type of girl.

He then basically told me how I was sending him mixed messages when I told him jokingly,"Oh, you don't pay any attention to me anymore" when us and a group of my girlfriends went out the other day, and kept talking to them, ignoring me. I tried explaining to him how I only see him as a friend, and apologized for sending him mixed signals, which clearly, wasn't my intention. He said the same thing, that he did not want a girlfriend right now.

After I explained to him that I wanted nothing more than a friendship and definitely wasn't going to do anything sexual to him, he started his truck and drove me to my house. I did notice he was....upset.

Okay, I didn't realize it was going to be this long, sorry about that. I have a few questions though. I see this friend on Tuesday because we both have a class together so I guess my first question is, How can I face him after this incident? Should I mention anything about it? Was I really sending him mixed messages? Would anyone else get the same signal from my statement about being here if he needed anything?

Sigh....so many questions.

I don't know, I guess I feel like I should have done something the second he started making me uncomfortable. I feel like it's my fault for leading him on. Was I leading him on? Ugh...I need help! Please.
   
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Re: Need help please! ASAP! Don't know how to feel about this! - May 26th 2014, 11:52 AM

It's...not staightforward. It seems for me like he was counting on something in a form of "friends with benefits", or something in such shape. For guys, some of us tend to overread mixed signals - which is why I think it's not very smart to send them in f/m friendships, even jokingly - especially if we get closer and if we care about the girl.

If he started making you uncomfortable, you should've stopped him right away. Lack of action is generally a signal you're fine with that, so he carried on.

Stay safe.


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