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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Name: bayleigh
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why do i need her to approve of me? - July 31st 2014, 01:11 AM

have you ever had a friend, and then you see them after a long time, and suddenly they arent very nice, and you feel like a bug who is annoying them?

yeah. its so much fun. ive been in a summer language program for 3 years (tomorrow is graduation) and last year i became friends with this girl, ill call her G. we both like books and dislike stupidity and listen to the same bands, ect. we spent breaks debating books and rolled our eyes across the classroom at each other when our classmates acted like idiots.

this year, she seems to look down at me. i feel tiny and stupid no matter what i do. ive never been someone who cares what people think of me, but for some reason i feel like i need her to approve of me. when she called me stupid, i felt broken.

a week or so ago, we (along with the other girls in our class) decided we were going to have a sleepover after classes were over. well apparently it is happening. how did i find out? i can hear them talking about it, but no one invited me. why does this hurt me so much? why do i care what she thinks of me.


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Name: Kyra
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Re: why do i need her to approve of me? - August 12th 2014, 03:19 PM

Hey Bayleigh,

I totally get how you're feeling. It's like you know that they're not being a nice person and that you should not be bothered with someone who's not nice to you, but at the same time you care a lot about how they view you. Am I right?

If I am, then the reason you feel this way is because she was previously a great friend of yours. We all value the opinions of our friends because they mean a lot to us. They're the people we want to be around and have fun with, and most often, we share a lot of opinions with them. So when one of them starts telling you that you're stupid or anything derogatory, we feel that we must have done something wrong or we feel just really hurt. And because friends mean so much to us, we really want to prove to them that we're not all that they said.

And I know that you didn't ask about what you should do, but I think that to deal with this, you should talk to her about how she's been belittling you and how it has made you feel. But if you do not want to, then the next best bet would probably just be to forget about her. People change, and we cannot expect our relationships with them to remain the same forever.

Message me if you would like to talk

Hope I helped,

Kyra
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