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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Chloe.exe Offline
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many problems ahead! - August 16th 2014, 06:22 PM

Ok so i have a few problems.

1) i dont have a good relationship with my parents.
I dont know why but i feel like i cant tell/ask my parents anything. I just feel like they'll judge me or something.

2) my brother is ruining what i have of my family life.
He is an extremly troublesom kid. Hes at that age (11) where he does bad things and its destroying my family and it crushes my heart that he puts everyone through it because when he does that they seem to start blaming me for some reason

If anyone has any advice ill take it xx
   
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Re: many problems ahead! - August 17th 2014, 01:51 PM

The second issue is sorted but the first one isnt

I really need help with the first one as i cant ask for simple things and its annoying

Eg/ i want to send my favorite youtuber fan mail. I live in england and he lives in australia
I cant ask my parents to help me and i dont know why.

I have an anxiety problem which may be why but i need help working out how to build a better relationship with them xx
   
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Re: many problems ahead! - August 20th 2014, 02:04 AM

Hello, Chloe! I'm sorry you had to wait so long for a response.

One thing I like to do when I'm having counter-productive thoughts is to challenge them. You said you don't know where this stems from, but you suspect it has something to do with feelings of anxiety. Sometimes, we experience feelings of anxiety as a result of the outcome of past events. Have your parents ever said or did anything to cause feelings of anxiety? If so, can you describe a few of those instances for us? What makes you suspect your parents would say or do similar things in the present day?

It can also help to think about the worst-case scenario. I know that sounds strange, because thinking about all the bad things that could happen could actually INCREASE feelings of anxiety... but bear with me! Let's use the fan mail as an example. What's the worst thing that could happen if you asked your parents for permission? Would they tease you? Yell at you? Ground you? Say "no"? Sometimes, when we entertain the worst-case scenario, we discover it's really not that bad (if your parents have been abusive in the past, then the worst-case scenario could actually be quite bad... but if the worst thing they could do is say "no," then what's the harm in asking?). Then we can think about the best-case scenario (they say "yes") and realize our feelings of anxiety aren't justified.

Feel free to keep us updated on your situation! =)






   
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Re: many problems ahead! - August 20th 2014, 02:47 AM

Hi Chloe!

A good relationship with your parents can't be built overnight. That's the first thing you need to understand.

Now as to progressing towards this good relationship, I guess you need to figure out why your relationship with them isn't that great. Is there a lack of trust? Do you guys not communicate often enough? Have they done things that made you feel bad?

Once you figure that out, then you can work towards to improving the relationship. If at that point, you're still not too sure how, feel free to message me if you want to talk about it!

Kyra
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August 20th 2014, 09:26 PM

Thanks for the advice robin! I kind of get what you mean by the worst case scenario. I dont really know what they may have done in the past and if its why i have the feeling of anxiety.

Thanks for the help!

Thanks for the reply kyra!

I dont really know why i dont have a good relationship with them really. I mean i talk to my mum a lot and as much as possible to my dad (its difficult becuase he lives somewhere else).

My 17 year old brother has made some bad decisions in life (drinking, stretchers, drugs ect.) And i see how they judge every little thing he does and i guess not matter what im told im always thinking that the judge me just like they judge him. I think this also maybe where my anxiety may stem from.

Thanks for the reply and i hope to talk about this more.

Last edited by PSY; August 23rd 2014 at 07:26 PM. Reason: Merged consecutive posts.
   
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