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Don't know who to hang out with; populars or first friends? - August 17th 2014, 01:24 AM

When I first got to my new school I made friends with these not-so-popular but very nice girls. Everything was going well until I started thinking they didn't like me. I didn't want to force my presence upon them, so I started hanging out with a popular girl I was acquiantances with. Well, now I'm friends with this popular girl and I was feeling perfectly happy until my very first friend was leaving the locker room and called to me to come with her. Well, I had dressed with the populars and wasn't about to abandon them. She kept pulling at my arm and telling me to come on until she asked who I was waiting for. I told her and she said "Since when did you start waiting for [popular girl]?" "I thought you guys didn't like me anymore so I just started hanging out with her." "Of course we like you!" "I thought [other former friend] hated me?" "Of course she doesn't!"
I don't want to give up this popular girl's friendship, but the thing is that I've heard a lot about her being a backstabber and being prone to abandoning her
"friends." But she's really nice to me and I don't want her to hate me. Also both of these groups of people are equally clingy and if I ditch the former friends when/if the populars backstab me I'll have nobody left to go to and I'll be friendless and everyone will think I'm a jerk. What should I do? They're both really clingy so I can't imagine how I could "split" time with them....I know everyone's going to say "go with the first people you met" but they acted like they hated me until I left. And the popular is SUPER clingy, and losing her friendship would be horrible especially since it's my goal to have a lot of friends.
   
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Re: Don't know who to hang out with; populars or first friends? - August 17th 2014, 10:16 PM

I don't think you should have to choose between being popular and not popular. Be friends with who you like because, let's face it, I'm assuming your about 13 and therefore you have 4-5 years left of school. Teenaged girls can suck no matter what clique you are a part of so you should take friends where you can find them instead of dwelling on their status. I had to learn this the hard way and it took me a very long time to stop caring.

While other people might always care, you just have to stick up for your friends, no explanation needed. Just say "yeah, so, I like her, she's alright to talk to" (or mention what ever other trait might bond you - field hockey, a love of books) and if people are going to care you talk to someone in a different crowd I'd be extremely wary of them because it just shows that they care more about image than they so about the quality of their friends. After all, why should Xs other friend care about your friend? That would literally make it a friend of a friend of a friend.

Be friends with who you want to be friends with.

As for the clinginess, just say no if you already have plans. Heck say no even if you don't have plans and just want to stay home to watch movies. Even if you only had 1 clingy friend they still shouldn't be allowed to disproptionately dominate your time.

I would say it is perfectly reasonable to see a friend 1-3 times a week depending how close you are and what your like (for me it's more like once or twice a month but I'm also older than you and things change). You can't also include both girls in your plans of need be to accommodate them more often. But either way I don't think their clinginess or lack of it should force you to choose between them




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October 7th 2014, 12:10 PM

IM NOT VERY POPULAR AND I DONT HANG OUT WITH POPULAR I HANG OUT WITH PEOPLE WHO LIKE ME FOR WHO I AM AND TREAT ME WITH RESPECT . TRY AND AND HANGOUT WITH THE PEOPLE WHO MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF.

hope this helps p:s sorry capitals

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Re: Don't know who to hang out with; populars or first friends? - October 7th 2014, 04:11 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by depressedandalone View Post
Well, I had dressed with the populars and wasn't about to abandon them. She kept pulling at my arm and telling me to come on until she asked who I was waiting for. I told her and she said "Since when did you start waiting for [popular girl]?" "I thought you guys didn't like me anymore so I just started hanging out with her." "Of course we like you!" "I thought [other former friend] hated me?" "Of course she doesn't!"
She's jealous, the one who said this. Just sayin'.

When I was in school, I was usually alone, but I did have several groups of "friends" through my high school years. The first one I had was very toxic: One girl was a drug addict, one said really cruel things about my appearance all the time, and - like you - they acted like they hated me until I left. They were stressing me out, so I moved onto a new friend group. After that one began to bore me, I hung out a lot by myself. It took me several tries to find the friend group that got me through the rest of high school, and I'm still friends with all three of them, even two years after graduating.

My point being: If you think this first girl doesn't like you, judge the situation by your feelings, not by what she says - because what she says could be a complete lie. It's not your responsibility to be around her if you like hanging around the "popular girl" better, and you have no reason to feel guilty if you'd rather talk to the "popular girl". This popular girl may turn out to be your best friend. Would you really abandon your new friend, just because your older one doesn't like it? You have a duty to yourself to choose the friends that make you the happiest. If this popular girl and her group is making you happy right now, then be with them.

Throughout school, you'll make and grow apart from tons of friends. That's normal. Eventually you'll find the group that will love you always, support you in anything, and be there to pick you up when everything goes wrong. If you lose friends? They're not meant to be yours. If some people hate you? They're not meant to be your friends.

Also, don't go through life trying to get everyone to like you. You'll never be happy trying to please other people, and people who dislike you will continue hate you anyway. Be yourself, do what makes you happy, and if people don't like that, move along.

My technical advice is this:
  1. Be polite when you see your old friends, but avoid them as much as you can, so you don't have to experience awkward conversations about your new friend group.
  2. Be a good friend to your popular friends.
  3. If the popular friends start to manipulate you, don't run back to the old friends who hated you. Join different classes or clubs, and find new friends.
  4. Repeat as necessary.

Good luck.
   
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Re: Don't know who to hang out with; populars or first friends? - October 9th 2014, 11:07 PM

Hey there,

I honestly think you need to be friends with the people you feel most comfortable with. You said your old friends seemed to dislike you so maybe you should go with your gut instinct on that one. I don't think there would be anything wrong with continuing to hang out with the 'popular' girl and her friends if that is what makes you happy. If your new friends start to distance themselves from you then you should go out and try to make new friends by joining clubs or something like that. You can't ever tell what is going to happen in life and you can't base your decisions on 'what ifs' you just have to do what feels right and hope for the best outcome.

I hope this helped and I am wishing you the best of luck.


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Re: Don't know who to hang out with; populars or first friends? - October 9th 2014, 11:42 PM

Hey,

Being popular isn't all that. It maybe nice and all but at the end of the day it doesn't really matter. Honestly I would be friends with the first two friends because they will probably always be there for you. Popular people usually are only there for themselves and will drop you once a new better friend comes along. Try joining clubs or after school activities and making even more friends and have your friends join with you that way you can have more friends.


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