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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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How should I interact with my mom when she gets out of jail? Are these feelings ok? - August 19th 2014, 04:52 AM

How should I interact with my mom when she gets out of jail? Should I visit?
my mom is in jail for six months for a financial crime and I am her 14 year old daughter. I was thinking of how things will be when she comes back home ,isn't kind of weird now that now she is a criminal that went to jail and she will order me around? I mean isn't that kind of hypocritical (kind of funny as well since she was being ordered around for the past five months). I have no problem with her though as other than this misdeed she has been a good mom to me.






also, is this weird, I have talked to my on the phone while she is there and for some reason I feel more comfortable being open with her about anything now then when she was actually here. Any reason why I would feel that way now?




another weird feeling I have, I just realized now that if my dad was the one in jail I would feel a lot worse. I wonder why though. I like them both equally and neither committed a crime before , hell my dad is probably more strict
   
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Re: How should I interact with my mom when she gets out of jail? Are these feelings ok? - August 19th 2014, 10:23 PM

Hi there,

I think that you should act how you normally would act around her. She's been in jail for the past six months, and she's going to want some "normality" in her life. She's going to want to return to being your mother, and that includes her asking you to do things around the house and what not. I think that you might feel closer/more able to tell her things because of what she's been through. I know that sometimes when I know someone's going through a hard time, it's easier to talk about my own hard times because they can empathize better. I think it's a good thing that you want to open up to her, maybe this could be the start of a better relationship between you two.

Take care!


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Re: How should I interact with my mom when she gets out of jail? Are these feelings ok? - August 19th 2014, 10:41 PM

I want to start by saying that any feelings you have about it are okay. Whether you visit her or not is entirely up to you and it's not an easy decision. I agree with Britt that you should interact with her the way you normally would. If you need to, you can acknowledge what happened and the fact that she's been gone, but don't focus on it unless she wants to. Also, while it may affect how you see your mom as an authority figure, try not to throw it back in her face; for example, you get angry because you think it's unfair that she's disciplining you because she's been in jail and you bring it up in anger during an argument. I'm not saying that you would do that, it's just an example.

As for why you're more comfortable opening up now, I really can't say. It might be that it's easier to talk to someone over the phone than it is to talk in person, or like Britt said, you feel like she can empathize with you, or the fact that you've been separated from her makes you more eager to talk to her about things. I also don't know why you would feel that way about your dad. If I had to guess, I'd say its because you're relatively close to him, or that because he's there you've become closer so you would feel bad if that happened to him.


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Re: How should I interact with my mom when she gets out of jail? Are these feelings ok? - August 20th 2014, 03:07 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Labyrinth. View Post
Hi there,

I think that you should act how you normally would act around her. She's been in jail for the past six months, and she's going to want some "normality" in her life. She's going to want to return to being your mother, and that includes her asking you to do things around the house and what not. I think that you might feel closer/more able to tell her things because of what she's been through. I know that sometimes when I know someone's going through a hard time, it's easier to talk about my own hard times because they can empathize better. I think it's a good thing that you want to open up to her, maybe this could be the start of a better relationship between you two.

Take care!

in what way
   
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Re: How should I interact with my mom when she gets out of jail? Are these feelings ok? - August 20th 2014, 03:09 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kate* View Post
I want to start by saying that any feelings you have about it are okay. Whether you visit her or not is entirely up to you and it's not an easy decision. I agree with Britt that you should interact with her the way you normally would. If you need to, you can acknowledge what happened and the fact that she's been gone, but don't focus on it unless she wants to. Also, while it may affect how you see your mom as an authority figure, try not to throw it back in her face; for example, you get angry because you think it's unfair that she's disciplining you because she's been in jail and you bring it up in anger during an argument. I'm not saying that you would do that, it's just an example.

As for why you're more comfortable opening up now, I really can't say. It might be that it's easier to talk to someone over the phone than it is to talk in person, or like Britt said, you feel like she can empathize with you, or the fact that you've been separated from her makes you more eager to talk to her about things. I also don't know why you would feel that way about your dad. If I had to guess, I'd say its because you're relatively close to him, or that because he's there you've become closer so you would feel bad if that happened to him.
I won't use it against her, but I can't help but poke a little fun in a non malicious way

I can't help but poke a little bit of fun at my mom about her being in a punishment situation and taking orders from others. Does that make me a bad person? I don't mean it in a malicious way. She is very self deprecating about it


In fact I can't help but feel a little excited . Now that the dust has settled the fact we are connected to police is kind of exciting.
   
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