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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Amandaapandaa Offline
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Unhappy Is this normal? - September 6th 2014, 08:52 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Okay, so long story short, me & my family are probably moving to a different state within the next year. I'm excited about it but I've started drifting away from some of my friends and actually ended up hating most of them and completely trying to ignore them whenever I'm forced to be around them. My family is religious (Christian) and I thought maybe I was too but this past couple of months I've hated God recently because he hasn't helped me at all or been there for me. My goal isn't to offend anyone its just to point out how I feel religiously and this is about how I'm dealing with my family. All my friends but 1 are Christians and I honestly hate going to church. It does nothing for me anymore. My parents still think I am one but I haven't had the courage to tell them what I'm going through as they either don't listen to me or brush it aside like its just "a phase".

I guess I just posted this to rant...

I also feel trapped with my parents because they have way too many rules for the family in my opinion. I just got my driving lisence and they won't let me go anywhere for fun and they are way too overprotective when it comes to boys. Hence the reason I never dated anyone. I just feel alone and stuck in the middle of a soon-to-be conflict. I'm a little afraid of telling my parents as my dad can get pretty angry at times if I stand up to him. I really need some guts for this. They baby me too much and I'm tired of them. I want my freedom. I know I'm close to 18 (in May) but they don't want me moving out until I get married and even then I don't see marriage or dating in my future (or the way I want my love life to be.).

I have very dark depression at times and find myself thinking a lot on suicide lately. I self harm and my parents know but they think I can just stop selfharming right away. Right now, I'm selfharming secretly. They think that I have recovered when in reality its just gotten a whole lot worse. Part of what triggered all of this for me was my almost a boyfriend running away from me last minute. We were really close and almost dated in May but he took off and dated someone else who lives in a different state. I still haven't figured out why he ran away like he did and I don't know if I should ask him or just leave it. I've been told that since he is moving to another house within the next month to just drop it and get over him but again, things aren't as easy as they sound. I still love him and that's the thing I hate about myself right now. How could I still be holding on? My head is really muddled right now and I'm having a hard time thinking straight so I hope that this made at least some sense.

I didn't know where to put this post so feel free to move it to its place if I posted it wrong. I'm sorry for it being so long.

Advice on what to do for all this please?

Manda
   
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iPoetica Offline
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Smile Re: Is this normal? - September 7th 2014, 11:05 AM

Hi ,

Well, I understand where you're coming from. I actually understand all of it since I've experienced it somewhat myself.

Now, I don't hate God. I'm a Christian, but I don't believe everything in the bible either.

And my family is religious just like yours, so they don't really know this. Nor do they know that I'm bisexual, I just know that when I tell them I'm going to be very serious and let them know that I'm not joking. Maybe you should just wait until you don't depend on them so much to tell them.

Now, as for them being over protective, I went through it. I hated it all too. But when I graduated and went off to college, it stopped. Thing is, at college I could do whatever the hell I wanted to, and they can't do anything about it. It's a trust and worry issue also. They know you're at that age and you're almost ready to leave them, and they're kinda trying to hold on their baby for as long as they can.

Plus, they may run off the fact that you're old enough to date because they most likely believe in the "no sex until marriage" thing. And may feel like you shouldn't concentrate on it right now. Who knows? But
You kind of have to let them know that you're ready. It may take some time, but you can have a deep conversation about this and ask them to put more trust in you.

You're stressed. I understand. But, don't keep harming yourself over it. Its hard, believe me I know. I recently did it myself, but I promised myself that I would never do it again. You just have to be hopeful and don't question the motives of those that choose to leave you. Those that are so quick to leave never meant to stay. Just look forward to meeting someone new. It'll all work out for the best.
   
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crotia Offline
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Re: Is this normal? - September 7th 2014, 12:28 PM

I don't want to be a preach or something but your story made me think of something:

One night I dreamed a dream.
As I was walking along the beach with my Lord.
Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand,
One belonging to me and one to my Lord.

After the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that at many times along the path of my life,
especially at the very lowest and saddest times,
there was only one set of footprints.

This really troubled me, so I asked the Lord about it.
"Lord, you said once I decided to follow you,
You'd walk with me all the way.
But I noticed that during the saddest and most troublesome times of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why, when I needed You the most, You would leave me."

He whispered, "My precious child, I love you and will never leave you
Never, ever, during your trials and testings.
When you saw only one set of footprints,
It was then that I carried you."


And I know you will probably grit your teeth and think what does she know about it. And there you probably have a good point as I'm not you. But I have known my downs and I have moments I totally rant at God for making the bible not autism prove and for not solving all my problems at once and for sometimes being extremely frustrating. But eventhough I don't know what to believe I still try to put my trust in the fact that he is by my side and he does love me.

And next time you want to harm yourself try to imagine him aka jesus standing next to you and joining in your hurt. It might help. And at the very least I should thank you because I myself haven't thought about that option yet. And it might help me from harming too.

Amd as to your parents. If they are that religous than maybe you should talk to the preacher of your church about it. He might be able to give you inside in how to tell your parents to back off without insulting them and with some foundation in there view of the bible. He might be better at that then me for example because he has insight in how exactly your parents believe. And if you say you are having a hard time in church but have spoken the preacher about it they might view it as a good thing because you are trying to make it better.

Or all what I told you is just crabb but at least you gave me insight in things I could use for myself so thanx for that.
   
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