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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Unhappy I feel like I should take a break. - September 18th 2014, 04:17 AM

Hi, I'm a tenth grader in high school. I feel very traumatized right now. Should I take a break?

First off, there is a girl whom I've been wanting to make friends with. She was in my math class last year, and she is one grade level older than me. She always seems happy, and she has a great laugh and smile--she's very cute in general hahaa. Plus we're both Japanese, so I had thought that making friends with her should be easy, but apparently, having the same ethnicity doesn't guarantee the easiness of making friends. Smh.

Okay, for the context for this post, let's call her Eri.

Even though we had the same classes together as I have mentioned, we barely had a chance to talk to each other, mainly because I was a huge wuss. I still have this problem today--I have a problem that I get more or less shy when trying to talk to cool kids or girls. Quite frankly, "being yourself" clearly doesn't work out for me. I really wish there is a way to fix this problem...

Anyways, even though we barely talked to each other, I had often found myself staring at her, and SHE CAUGHT ME DO SO!! What's worse, it's pretty much the same way, too. And this is a really, really, REALLY bad sign. I should know because in eighth grade, I used to have a crush on a girl in my grade, and she gradually thought of me as a creepy stalker because I never talked and only looked at her. On top of that, I did a ton of weird things to the girl I had a crush on at the time, including trying to crash into her sleepover party (girls only).

But quite honestly, I've never done anything creepy or weird to Eri. And just to clarify, I don't try to date her or anything--I just want to be friends. That's all. But it seems to be hard to do so, because we don't have the same classes anymore this year. Only thing is, there is a club called Japanese National Honor Society, and Eri is an officer of the club. I've been thinking that I can join it to have a chance to talk to her once more.

But I'm really scared that she might already be thinking of me as a creepy dude, because I often find myself unconsciously looking at her (she often notices. Darnit.) And joining the club can just prove it to her. Perhaps my chance was over since last year when I couldn't talk to her EVEN THOUGH WE HAD THE SAME CLASSES.

Should I just pull myself together and quit already? I think I've had enough of this crap...it may be time I took a break. :/ I'm such a wuss Sigh.


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Re: I feel like I should take a break. - September 22nd 2014, 04:23 AM

Sorry you haven't gotten a reply yet!
When you say break, what do you mean by that?
As for Eri, she may not think you're creepy just because you look at her. I think you should join the club but not just so you can talk to her, but so you can also get involved with your school. Having an opportunity to talk to her is a good bonus to joining, though.
Having the same ethnicity does not always mean that you'll be friends right away, you're right. But it means you have something in common which may help when you are talking to her.
For now, just try and find the courage to at least say hello. I promise she isn't judging you as harshly as you may think. However, I advise against trying to crash into any more girls only sleepovers.


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Re: I feel like I should take a break. - September 22nd 2014, 04:29 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pug Princess View Post
Sorry you haven't gotten a reply yet!
When you say break, what do you mean by that?
As for Eri, she may not think you're creepy just because you look at her. I think you should join the club but not just so you can talk to her, but so you can also get involved with your school. Having an opportunity to talk to her is a good bonus to joining, though.
Having the same ethnicity does not always mean that you'll be friends right away, you're right. But it means you have something in common which may help when you are talking to her.
For now, just try and find the courage to at least say hello. I promise she isn't judging you as harshly as you may think. However, I advise against trying to crash into any more girls only sleepovers.
Thanks for the reply! I was honestly thinking that my most May have sounded too whiny...
By break, I mean that I should just quit it, because they say that there are hundreds of fish in the sea. But perhaps I may have been too much.


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Re: I feel like I should take a break. - September 22nd 2014, 08:22 AM

I don't necessarily think you should give up on Eri, but you need to be honest to yourself about your intentions. You say in your post that you're only interested in being friends with her, but it sounds to me like you have a crush on her. (Correct me if I'm wrong.)

Really ask yourself if you'd be content just to be friends with her, even if you have unfulfilled romantic feelings. Decide if the benefits of being friends with her outweigh the costs of potential heartbreak. If you give it some thought and are really okay with just being friends with Eri, then go for it! However, don't be friends with her because you hope it will become a romantic relationship. Go into it with the intention of being friends, rather than using friendship as a step to becoming her boyfriend. Because starting a friendship under false pretenses like that is unfair to both of you.

On the other side, if you think about it and decide that you wouldn't be satisfied just being friends, then ask her out. She might have feelings for you! If you're clear about your intentions like that either A: she likes you too and agrees to go on a date or B: she doesn't return your feelings and you don't have to draw out your pain by being friends with her when you really want a romantic relationship.

So talk to her, get to know her, but make sure you know what your intentions are and make them clear at the start of the friendship/relationship.
   
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