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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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jessiemae101 Offline
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Unhappy Mum makes me feel bad - October 12th 2014, 03:33 PM

Hi, I'm Jess, I'm 14 and my mum always makes me feel horrible. She always complains about how I'm 'fat' and 'gonna be the size of a house' and she says I have 'attitude' and should have no friends because my attitude is 'bad'. She complains because I never tell her anything, but when I do, she tells everyone. Like when I got my period, for example, I told her not to tell, but she did. Then whenever I have a good day, she yells the hell out of me after school, and gets mad when I get a test score lower than 75%. Help??? Please???
   
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Re: Mum makes me feel bad - October 13th 2014, 05:22 AM

Hi, Jess!

I'm sorry about what she says to you. You're 14 and this is a time where you should be able to tell your mother things. Same goes for the insults and comments, at this age especially, she should be trying to help promote your self-esteem; not tear it down. A test score of 75% isn't something she should be mad at you for, nor should you be told that you're fat by your own mother which is why I think it's unfair.

In this situation, I think talking to her about all of this would be the best idea if you haven't already. Try waiting till she's in a fairly good mood and she's not busy, then sit down with her. Do your best to explain politely and calmly how the things she says affects you. Aside from the comments she makes, talking to her about why you don't tell her anything would be a good idea. Explain how you do want to talk to her about things, but the way she tells other people what you say makes you hesitant. If she reacts in an understanding way, then try trusting her with small things to build up your trust with her again. Hopefully by talking about how much all these things upset you, it'll help her become more aware of the things she says to take your feelings into consideration more.

I hope that this helped. I imagine it must be hard for you but try not to let what she says get to you. I'm sure you're beautiful and a really nice person. Don't let her tear down your self-esteem or the ability to appreciate yourself an appropriate amount. There's no way to please everyone.

Stay strong, and feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to. Even if it's just a vent. I don't mind listening!
   
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Re: Mum makes me feel bad - October 15th 2014, 06:39 PM

Hey Jess,

I am sorry that you are having a tough time. It must be so difficult for you to go through this at this stage in your life!

Like Nala has suggested, you can try speaking to your mother about your feelings. But do make sure that she is in a good mood. Also, try not to make accusations of any kind as that might end up in an argument and make the situation worse. Try and be respectful and make the conversation about how you need her support. For example, you can say something like "As a 14 year old teenager I really need your support in different life situations. However I want the things that I tell you to remain between us and I feel hurt when you speak to others about them."

You can try to make a list of things that you'd like to discuss with her and also the language that you might want to use without offending her for every point. Keep this list close by when you speak with her.

If you are uncomfortable with a face to face conversation, then you can write her a letter and either hand it over to her or leave it at some place for her where yo uare sure that she'll stumble upon it. You can also give her some time to go through it and figure out her emotions. This can be done if you leave the letter at a time when you are going to school or when you are leaving your house for an hour or two. Writing a letter will also give you a opportunity to go over it and edit the language as per your wish.

If talking to her on your own doesn't work out then you can speak to any other adult with whom your mother has a good relationship and respects and listens to. You can rope them in as a mediator between your mother and you and seek their help in repairing your relationship with her. If that doesn't work out, then you can also visit some one like a counsellor in your school and explain the situation to them and ask them to be the mediator between the two of you.

Take it slow with her. Your relationship with her won't change overnight. Give it some time and take small steps at a time. Try to build trust by telling her first about small incidents and see how that goes. You can let her know that you'd like to be more close to her and that you want to work on the interactions between the two of you and would need her cooperation for the same.

I hope that this helps.

Please feel free to get in touch if you'd like to chat about anything.

All the best!



"Words are, in my not so humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic, capable of both inflicting injury and remedying it."

-Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
   
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