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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Heathen Offline
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I can't take this anymore - October 14th 2014, 04:08 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of substance use, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

WARNING: This post also contains references to self-harm.

My mom has been an alcoholic since I was a child. She's very functional- she successfully holds down a job during the day, but at night she comes home and downs the wine and gets stupid. I can't remember the last time she wasn't falling-down drunk at night.

Recently my step-father came to me because he's realized she has a problem. He was trying to ask for my advice, get me to talk to my therapist for an intervention. He started telling me things I didn't know, worse things- like she had fallen and almost injured herself or had injured herself, and that she was driving drunk on more than one occasion. His pleas for help stressed me out. He interrupted my way of coping with it- to stay in my room and ignore her when she gets like that.

This and other stress built up until I finally broke down and ruined my two years of being "clean" by going on a week-long self-harm spree. I ended up going to the psychiatric hospital for help. I was released today, feeling good about recovery. I come home tonight after celebrating with friends and my mom is drunk as a skunk. I couldn't even relay to her important information about my discharge or ask her which new therapy program to decide on.

I can't take this anymore. Her drinking is interfering with my ability to stay healthy. I don't know what to do. I am not financially independent enough to move out yet, but I can't stay here in the long-term, and living with friends or my boyfriend is not practical. I am going to go to Ala-non tomorrow for the first time because I've finally had it.

What do I do?

The moon asked the crow
For a little show
In the hazy milk of twilight
No one had to know
The moon asked the crow...
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Celyn Offline
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Re: I can't take this anymore - October 14th 2014, 04:27 PM

Hey Jordan,

I canít imagine the stress you must be under trying to help yourself and deal with your mother.

Itís good that you are dealing with it by avoiding your mum, since trying to intervene yourself may not be the best option as you are trying to look after yourself. But you do realise that she has a problem and may need help too.

Since your step-father has also noticed it is a problem, perhaps you could suggest to him, to talk to your mother about it? Then perhaps he could suggest getting professional help or going to an Ala-non meeting. Also, let him know that you are trying to cope with your own problems, and that you would appreciate his help, instead of him relying on you.

Since you canít rely on your mum to help with you with things, is there anyone else who can? Perhaps another family member or trusted friend that you would feel comfortable sharing with? Donít forget you can always ask for help here in the forums, live help or HelpLINK. It can be hard dealing with things on your own and feeling like you have no one to turn to, so I suggest you keep on reaching out to others. Definitely keep talking to your therapist, at the least.

Going to Ala-non is definitely the right thing to do! They will listen to you and be able to help you deal with your mum, and perhaps find a way to bring your mum. Trying to avoid your mum is a good idea though and Iím sorry that you feel there are no options to move out at the current time. Are there youth hostels around? Also, Iím not sure about this, but with Ala-non do they have advice for families affected by alcoholism? They may be able to offer respite, or some other option.

Stay strong!

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Feel free to PM me! Even if I canít help, Iím always going to listen <3

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Re: I can't take this anymore - October 16th 2014, 02:56 AM

Hey there,

I think it is good that you are going to al-anon. I think you will be able to find a great support network there. There are going to be people there who will be able to relate to some of the struggles you are going through and they will be able to offer you advice and some kind words. It helps to have a place to go to where you can meet people who can relate to some of the struggles you are going through.

Is there anyone in your life who you can lean on for support since your mom is not able to offer you that support at this point in time. Maybe you could lean on friends and other family members? I think it is a good idea for you to work on broadening your support network so that you can work on finding people who can support you through this difficult time.

Are you going to therapy? If so talk to your therapist about what is going on because I am sure that would do you some good. If you are not currently in therapy I suggest that you look into getting into therapy so that you can work on finding support from a counselor.

I really hope that this helped in some way and if you need anything please feel free to message me.

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