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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Fitting In... - October 28th 2014, 12:58 AM

Well, recently I've felt alienated from everyone else. I'm not a COMPLETELY awkward, wierd teen. I just want to feel respected, valued, appreciated, etc. I see teens from my school on the Internet either flaunting themselves, or taking selfies with their friends at parties, or just hanging out. I am friends with a plethora of people at my school. I've been invited to parties as well, just not the "cool" ones. IDK, maybe it's just a teen thing. Maybe I'm just insecure, lonely, etc. what do you guys think?

Thnks.

Last edited by Mr_Awesome; October 28th 2014 at 02:00 AM. Reason: Horrid spelling mistakes
   
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Re: Fitting In... - October 28th 2014, 07:45 PM

Hey I think it's a teen thing. Lots of people feel lonely. I felt lonely and isolated for university. It's mostly what I did to myself because I put myself under so much pressure. But I was also snxious and strung out a lot. I don't like partying. I take my education extremely seriously. I don't have any tolerance for back stabbing, gossiping, flakiness, etc., you either be a genuine and honest friend or I will distance myself from you. And most people are not as genuine as me. It means I don't have many close friends. Don't get me wrong, I'm a likeable person but I lost a lot of friends early on because I was depressed and not doing well in school or really in life.

I know a lot of people who always want to be cooler and cooler and cooler... But honestly, the second you graduate from high school no one cares any more. No one knows or cares if you were popular or a band geek or the techie or the druggie. One of my friends went from being bullied so mercilessly that they had to change schools to being "popular" social butterfly in college. I mean, if youre socially awkward you will always be socially awkward, but I know people who were just sort of different and odd in high school and those things were a good thing later in life.

And at the end of the day, I don't know about you, but I'd rather have 5 good friends rather than 50 casual ones. I like to be able to rely on my friends. If I need someone to talk to right the hell now, I want to know that someone will pull through for me. Does it mean I get invited to fewer parties? Yes! Does it mean I feel s little alone cause I wish more people wanted me around? Sure. But ultimately I know that I don't hsve one for everyone any how.

It's not unusual to feel alone. Or to want more friends, more popularity, more people singing your praises etc. But ultimately, your not alone.




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Re: Fitting In... - October 29th 2014, 10:56 PM

If you want other people to appreciate you, you have to learn to appreciate yourself as the weird, awkward teen you are - with or without their approval. Then you'll attract friends who'll love you for who you are, not who they want you to be. If you're alienated, that means you're unique. If you're unique, you can do great things.

Relax. And look at the loneliness not as loneliness, but as solitude. Solitude is something that can be very fulfilling: In quiet hours by yourself, you can learn new things, invest yourself in new hobbies, and develop skills that otherwise you wouldn't have the time to bother with.
   
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Re: Fitting In... - November 1st 2014, 05:21 PM

I believe that my low self-esteem and non-acceptance in myself is preventing me from having successful and happy friendships. But I'm also thinking that it's my location. The kids in my school have all gone to middle school together and most live in the area, also if high-schools don't find your hot, or gorgeous then everyone with shun you. I live in a different place from the school. In middle school I got along with everybody. Then I started noticing things that I didn't like about myself in Highschool, and I became (still am) envious of those who had looks, popularity (plethora of friends), and privileges like going out to parties, hanging out, etc. I just feel so lonely sometimes. Hopefully it's just a Highschool teen thing and it will pass with time. I just....
   
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Re: Fitting In... - November 1st 2014, 05:32 PM

Hey John,

If i were you I wouldn't care about what other people do or think. Its best to be around the people that give you positive vibes and have your best interest at heart. At the end of the day not everyone will like you. Going through school you have a the popular kids and then you have the less popular, that's the way its always been. In my school I wasn't one of the "cool" kids. Looking back most of them were really shallow people. These days most of them are unemployed and uneducated.

Success is different for everyone, you have to figure out what you want out of life and go for it, don't listen to anyone's crap along the way, do your own thing. Also figure out what career you want to pursue and go for it deciding early in life is the key.

I wish you the best of luck John, I'm positive you'll be fine just keep being awesome.
   
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Re: Fitting In... - November 9th 2014, 03:52 PM

One last thing (hopefully). How can I stop feeling bad about not having thousands of "acquaintances". You guys are right! Last year I fit in pretty well. But I seem to dislike myself more so than the last. I'm kinda solitary and avoid conversation more because I don't want anyone to dig deep. Socializing has pretty much decreased for me, I feel more nervous to have conversations, and I find it tiring. I want friends (good ones) I just can't.
   
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Re: Fitting In... - November 14th 2014, 06:37 AM

Hey there,

I don't know the answer to your question, exactly. I think that you have to find that within yourself as cliche as that sounds. You have to realize that not everyone has thousands of friends and that is okay. I am one of those people that would prefer having a few close friends to a thousand acquaintances any day.

You said you are struggling with socializing, is that because of your low self esteem? Honestly, the best way to get out of that funk is by forcing yourself to socialize even though you don't feel like it. Say hi to people and start random conversations with them. Are there any acquaintances you have that you could ask to hang out with? Maybe make a date to hang out and go to the movie or go to one of their houses. The best way to build good friendships is by getting to know people and seeing if they fit with you and are caring and stuff like that. I have built some of my greatest friendships by forcing myself to go out with people every week, even on weeks when I wanted to stay in and isolate. It can be really hard to do but at the end of the day it can be really good for your well-being.

You said you get invited to parties just not the popular ones. Do you go to these parties? If not I would suggest that you try and go to the parties. Who cares if they aren't thrown by popular people because you might end up going and having a really good time. You also might end up going and building some really good friendships with people. The best way to build friendships is by getting out there and talking to people and seeing who clicks with you. You'll meet some really good people and you'll meet some not so good people. It's all about learning and growing and seeing what you find.

I hope this helped and if you need anything please feel free to message me.


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