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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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stina Offline
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Arrow Growing out of my friends. - May 6th 2009, 06:43 PM

So, Two years ago I went away to university. I come back home at christmas and for summer. When I left, I missed my friends SO much. I thought I would never make any friends any better than them. They were just so amazing.

Then when I went to school, I made new friends! And now after two years, I've realized i've just grown out of the friends I have at home. They bug me and get on my nerves so much. They are all drama queens and I cannot stand it. They act like they are 12 most days. I feel I've matured from them. I broke the 'umbilical cord' from my home and became a whole new person! They still expect me participate in all this drama they create themselves.

Furthermore, my friends up at school are just so different from them. They feel like real people. It's like they aren't putting up a front about anything. They are just themselves. Friends at home- it's just so obvious they are trying to be people they are not. Drives me nuts!

Now that I am home for the summer. I do not want to hang out with them. I've even come to realize I don't even want to be dating my boyfriend. A lot of stuff happened at school and made me grow up (so-to-speak). At first I thought he was chill. But it's as if he has never had a girlfriend. And I am not quite over my ex. Still pretty depressed over it. I know I have to break it off- but I am gonna hurt his feelings. BLAH!

So anyways. This pretty much a rant with an ending question:
have you ever felt you have grown out of your friends?


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Re: Growing out of my friends. - May 6th 2009, 07:51 PM

It's happened to me for both ways. When I was in high school, friends were growing out of me, I was still into video games and too scared to go out to places. I made other friends, but just last year I grew out of them because I am being straight-edge now and they still want to get drunk/high and still annoy me about it. Now I have like, 1 friend. haha If I did go to a far away place, I wouldn't be missed and I wouldn't miss anybody. You feel like a sort of 'relief' when you feel that you've grown out of your friends.
   
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Re: Growing out of my friends. - May 6th 2009, 09:51 PM

Hi Stina,

It really is a different feeling when you've realized you have grown out of your friends. It happens all the time. People just move on and meet new people. It's not your fault that you are different, but it is also not theirs. Your friends at home may be interested in talking gossip, even though you aren't, but try not to put it against them. If that's what they are into, then that's how it is.

When you go back, just try politely refusing to hang out. Hopefully they will understand. Or maybe even see if they want to do something that you are into now. They might like it too.

Nat.


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Re: Growing out of my friends. - May 7th 2009, 02:47 AM

I've definitely felt it before. You're going to have to let them go slowly... hang out less and less over time. If you break off from them too fast, they're just going to try and start drama about that too. They'll be offended and hurt, and wonder why you don't want to be friends with them anymore. Hopefully when you do hang out with them they'll see that it's not as much fun as it used to be. Maybe you could even quicken the realization process by pointing out that you don't like it when they gossip or start drama, and that you don't want any part in it. If this is such a big part of what they are, they won't like hanging around you if you don't participate in it.

As for your boyfriend, he will be hurt no matter how you break up with him. Anyone who is dumped will feel this way. Try letting him know that you really enjoyed the relationship while it lasted, but the spark that was once there no longer exists.

Maybe you could get a job this summer so you can have an excuse to be "busy" when your friends call wanting to hang out. Also, since you're home you'll be wanting to spend some time with your family... So this could be another possible excuse. Maybe visit your friends at your University over summer too.
   
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