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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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broken Offline
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Angry Venting. Dont know what to do. - May 8th 2009, 03:36 AM

My boyfriend is an ass to everyone (my exbestfriend included), except me and his close friends.
I'll be breif. (this can end up being a book if im not careful!)
She ditched her boyfriend to go to prom with a guy whos in his twenties, she just turned sixteen. Prom night, she complained about small things, and why her boyfriend didnt understand her going to prom with another guy.
I was unknowingly getting sick and didnt feel good at all. So my boyfriend insisted we leave early. So out in the parkinglot, Jason gets a message from his bestfriend saying that my bestfriend was mad we left because she wanted to do something with us after prom.
Jason got mad and told her off, including the fact that she is a bitch, and a whore (since she and the guy she brought to prom with her have been dating and saying they love each other, even though she has a boyfriend who she says she loves)
Anyways. I dont say anything to her, and I kinda agree with most of what my boyfriend tells her (from what i can understand since im in aganizing pain in his truck trying not to think about anything) and I thought "hey, she needs to know this, maybe she'll finally figure out she's creating alot of drama and it hurts people". Boy, was I wrong. She finally txts me and says "fine, have your boyfriend fight your battles. i dont need a friend like that. we are no longer friends" And recently, she's said that I'm not a good friend (and other stuff I forgot) But excuse me? The DAY before prom she doesnt have a dress and I stop and find one she's looking for, buy it for her so she can reimburse me, and she says I'm not a good friend? Okay, maybe Im not the best, but I try!
Now... Since she's demanding and will make EVERYONE hate you if you dont go along with her, I now have no friends in school. I have two friends now. And they never really hung out with me unless I was with her. Well.. I did turn my biggest enemy into my closest friend.

Advice is welcome. So is sweet comforting words and/or a speech to tell me all the wrong things I did. Hope this isnt too confusing.

Cheers! Lissie





~Rissa~

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Re: Venting. Dont know what to do. - May 8th 2009, 03:58 AM

Hey there,

I'm sorry to hear about what happened. So, I keep looking over your post, but I don't see where you did anything wrong. Sometimes people just respond in the wrong way to the right things that have been done.

Um, you were sick. You shouldn't have to fight your own battles when you don't feel well, and I don't think you were avoiding anything at all, either. One of my friends started to get sick during our prom night, so we left early for her, too. That's kind of what friends are supposed to do for each other.

You sound like you're an awesome friend, and it seems like you've been doing a lot to try to orchestrate other people's shortcomings to make the dynamic work. But please remember that you don't have to manage all your other friends to try to make them work together. I guess mostly just try to give the situation some time - it seems like your best friend was just overreacting for some reason. Give her a chance to calm down, reevaluate how she acted in and after the situation. And if she really has been a good friend to you in the past, don't hesitate to stand up for yourself to her and be like "Hey, we're friends, and I'm sorry if you didn't like that I left early but I had to take care of myself and it's not cool of you to treat me this way." Or however you'd say whatever it is that you'd like to.

Any of that help at all?

Hang in there

-- hugs --


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Re: Venting. Dont know what to do. - May 8th 2009, 04:39 AM

Yes it helps! I've been down and stressed and ready to quit school and finals are here the week after next and my grades are terrible, and the whole friend situation is the cherry on top. Thank you. You just boosted my confidence, and my understanding of this situation.
I have stood up to her, and told her to stop making things dramatic, no one needs it, and yes, she hurts people and its not cool. She just gets pissed. And makes some comeback that may or may not have anything to do with the situation at hand.
Thanks again. And I'm really trying to hold on, but its hard when all you have is a frienemy.





~Rissa~

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Re: Venting. Dont know what to do. - May 8th 2009, 04:49 AM

Glad I could help out with the confidence boost

Wow, it's really amazing that you've stood up to her. That takes a lot of courage of to do. You really are doing the most you can in this situation; you're following through on every responsibility as a friend, and in terms of sticking up for yourself - definitely be proud of that, and remember that it's enough. I know that it can be really hard, but try to ignore the comebacks - they're just attempts to make the person feel better about herself through twisting the situation in the retort. Like you've noticed, they sometimes don't have anything to do with the reality of the situation.

Oi, finals. Remind me why they're necessary? I guess try to find something that'll help you take a few deep breaths - literally, and in the sense of finding stuff that you enjoy to do that affirms you.

And hey - you have more than a frienemy (nice term, by the way) - you've got a friend, too (a.k.a. me ).

-- wishing you smiles --


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
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Re: Venting. Dont know what to do. - May 8th 2009, 10:08 PM

Hi Lissie,

You do sound like a great friend, and I am shocked your friend would say those things to you! That was not nice at all. If she wanted to tell your boyfriend how she felt about what he said to her, then she should, but blaming it on you is not fair.

If your friend was being mean to you and was hurting people even after you talked to her about it, then I think that was a good sign to stop the friendship. Don't feel bad about breaking apart from her. You deserve to have good friends who are nice to you and care about how you feel as well.

There is one thing you should probably deal with, though. You said that your boyfriend is mean to people, except for a select few. That's not a good thing either. Even if you agree with what he said to your friend, it still wasn't appropriate of him to say. Maybe try talking to him about how he talks to some people, and explain that some people may take offense. It doesn't matter whether it's true or not, he's still being rude.

Take care and try not to get too stressed over finals.
And if you want to talk some more, just send me a PM.
Nat.


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Re: Venting. Dont know what to do. - May 8th 2009, 10:38 PM

(thanks for wishing me smiles, i didnt even read that until recently and ive been smiling all day!) Telling her off the other day for being a bitch to me payed off! She has decided to be civil to me. I never defend myself like that. *happy sigh* Feels good!

Anyways, thank you! I've always tried to be the best friend I can be and hopefully I am like you say I seem. And my boyfriend isn't really rude, just a bad boy. He can be a real jerk to people though. But if he's around someone he doesnt like, he tries to do the Christian thing called being nice. He's gotten better but there's still room to improve!
Alot of the stuff he said to her, didnt need to be said. But some of it - like telling her she needs to be careful not to hurt people's feeling and to be careful about her already shakey rep, I thought was good for her. :meh: Maybe I'm wrong... oh well.





~Rissa~

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