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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
InvisibleBeaver5
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It's getting really hard to respect my father. - October 2nd 2015, 12:39 AM

So I'm just basically going to tell you my whole life story.
Hi everyone,
I'm John.
I'm 14 years old, a freshman in high school, live in the US, and my favorite color is red.
So in 2009, my dad got a job offer from a childhood friend of his. We moved south about 5 hours from where we used to live. I stayed in touch with my old friends, made many, many new friends.
Life was good.
For a couple of years, until my parents got divorced.
I was devastated. I was confused. But I got over it. Mom and dad said that my sister and I came before anyone. Anything. We were the first priority. That helped me feel better. My dad lived 30 seconds away, so when I spent the night with him, if I forgot something, no matter. I could literally walk to get it (although I was too young to do so, according to my protective mother.) my dad started online dating, we met two of his girlfriends, one he broke up with, one he stayed with. (At different times, he's not crazy.) his girlfriend was a very nice lady. She loves dogs, and is a very successful worker. She's also, after living alone for so long, pretty much convinced that the world revolves around her.
I get interrupted because she has something to say.
Every scentence she says contains I, me or my.
Before he started dating, my dad was the best one a kid could ask for. He's hilarious, supportive, spent lots of time with my younger sister and I. He had a motorcycle, a harley davidson.
Then he met his girlfriend.
Although he still has a motorcycle, which even she loves, my father has changed so much.
He is now, like her, obsessed over nutrition. I admit, when I was younger, I was pretty overweight. I was chubby. There. I said it.
I've lost weight, matured, etc.
Which brings us to the events of 2014.
My dad and his girlfriend moved in together, 20 minutes away from my mom's and my school, into an oversized house in the middle of the woods.
2 sedans, 1 jeep, 1 motorcycle.
I can't go thirty seconds without hearing a nutrition related word.
My dad... He spends all night in the office with his girlfriend. I rarely see him when it's not dinner. My sister goes on her iPad in her room, I go read or watch YouTube in mine.
Then, out of the blue... And please recall, my parents said my sister and I come first, for any big decision.
Out of the blue, my father proposes.
Without even mentioning it to my sister and I.
Then they had their destination wedding, in Key West Florida. I ended up missing some important school stuff, and because so, dropped two grades in math.
We'll get back to that later.
I got a stainless steel bracelet saying the wedding date, blah blah blah, best man etc.
Too bad it's not made out of wood.
A fire would be nice.
And a chalkboard menu we have in the kitchen must say 'wedded bliss' for at least a year.
And 200$ throw pillows are necessary because we have money and they're pretty. Who cares if the're comfortable?
They're pretty!!!!

Another thing.

What is one thing that parents have in their houses? Like everywhere? Something that they're proud of.
It's their children.
Every parent has a picture of their children, smiling, laughing, having a good time.
But not my dad and stepmom.
Nooooo we can't show our pride for our children!
Preposterous!!!!
Instead, let's cover an entire wall with wedding pictures of us, and throw in just one with the kids for fun.
It's all about them, all about their stupid wedding.
I requested to stay at my mother's more often.
Apparently that's not legal.
Why travel 20 minutes to NOT spend time with my dad?
I could probably run away, and nobody at that house would notice until I don't do the dishes the next night.

So back to missing school work.
I dropped two grades.
Mostly because of a stupid wedding.
I admit, I kept forgetting to get makeup work. I also kept forgetting to pay attention.
And I dropped those grades.
When the report card came in, my dad, the caring parent he is (was) got me a math workbook to do over the summer.
He expected me to finish a certain number per week.
He expected me to finish by the emd of summer.
I kept getting punished because of vacation
'Hey John! We're going tubing, but you can't come because you didn't do your algebra! Better use the time to catch up!'
'Go upstairs and do algebra'
Then one night, they both say to me:
'Stop making us frustrated. We get really frustrated when you don't do the algebra.'
You think YOU'RE frustrated?
YOU RUINED AN ENTIRE SUMMER!!!!
Good going.
I ended up doing algebra well within the school year, which is a pain when you're in high school.
But that's over with now, thank god.
Still, I can't deal with them.
A few weeks ago, my stepmom called my dad a 'cookiecutter dad' in the period before they married. She thinks he's a better dad now.
He can't even be called a dad.
A dad spend ms time with his kids, teaches them right from wrong, and makes memories.
I hope he still remembers the early years. The good years, before he met his future wife.
I can't stand it!
I can't do this forever!
What am I supposed to do? How do I handle this?
   
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cynefin Offline
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Re: It's getting really hard to respect my father. - October 2nd 2015, 05:17 AM

Hey,

I'm really sorry to hear about all of this, it sounds like you're going through quite a rough time. A parent isn't necessarily a parent because they have children. A parent needs to earn that title. And, while your dad seemed supportive before, it doesn't seem like that's the case now. Marriage changes people. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. It seems like the changes your dad has made are making things harder on you and your sister.

I know you may not want to hear this, but I think you should tell your dad about how you're feeling. He needs to be aware of what you're going through. Mention that he had said you and your sister are the most important, and explain how you haven't felt like that has been the truth lately. Let him know that you come to his house to spend time with him and you don't feel like you've been able to spend any time with him. Tell him what he can do to help you feel better. I think you should tell him these things when your step mother isn't around and I also think you should choose a moment when you're both feeling calm, or even happy. You could even ask him to set time aside to talk beforehand so it's planned.

It seems like you have a lot of anger inside. Do you do anything to express that? Maybe you can exercise or punch a pillow. Don't like those throw pillows? I can't say I blame you. Draw them on a sheet of paper or buy ones that look close to the ones your parents have and destroy them. Write your dad's wedding date over and over again and then scribble all over the date, or destroy the sheet of paper. You might also benefit from writing a letter as though it's to your dad or step mother and then tearing it to shreds or burning it. Try journaling, or blogging. Just make sure you're getting your feelings out because keeping them in isn't healthy.

Feel free to send me a message if you need anything.


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Nature does not rush, yet everything is accomplished
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Memories made in the mountains stay in our hearts forever
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
InvisibleBeaver5
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Re: It's getting really hard to respect my father. - October 2nd 2015, 07:48 PM

Hey.
Thanks for the help I'll talk to my dad...
I really just needed to get this out there.
   
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