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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Alucard Offline
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Name: Kimmie
Age: 27
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I'm moving in with my boyfriends parents soon. Telling my family is going to be hell. - October 3rd 2015, 03:06 AM

I was raised in a Mexican household where daughters should not leave the house until we were married. My oldest sister didn't move out until she was thirty when she got engaged. I'm 23 and my boyfriend asked if I could move in with him and his parents. I would pay rent, of course, 200 a month and we would have the whole upstairs portion of the house to ourselves.

Before this a friend of ours talked to us about moving in with her boyfriend and their 3 year old to a three bedroom house with the 975 rent split between the four of us. I mentioned it to my mom and she flipped her shit saying I was crazy to even consider moving out, I need to finish school first and that I wasn't moving out. I left upset and then got texts from my brother and his boyfriend saying that if I left my dad wasn't going to let me take anything with me and that I would leave with the clothes on my back.

I can already see their reactions to this news.

"How dare you abandon us?! "

" We need help here first! "

" Who's going to help us with bills?! "

I just want freedom and my own space. I'm sleeping on a cot in my sisters room for crying out loud. No more constant calls of where I am and when I'll be home. Convincing them for me to spend the night somewhere other than home is a battle in itself.
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Re: I'm moving in with my boyfriends parents soon. Telling my family is going to be hell. - October 3rd 2015, 04:06 PM

Hey Kimmie,

I think you need to speak to your parents calmly, explain that there isn't even space at home for you. A lot of parents think that when their kids move out they are losing them. They need to recognise that you are a woman who can make her own decisions. I would definitely try to move out with their consent, because they are your parents but be prepared that they may not give you a choice other than to move out whether they like it or not, if that is the case it could be a good idea to slowly move some of your stuff out of the house whilst they aren't there, so you're not in a position where you move out with nothing at all, even if it's just a few sets of clothes at least that is something.

Best of luck,
Paige


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Re: I'm moving in with my boyfriends parents soon. Telling my family is going to be hell. - October 3rd 2015, 08:39 PM

Hey, Kimmie.

Firstly, moving out is a big step and you must be in quite a committed relationship to be moving in with your boyfriend. I don't mean to possibly offend, upset or cause any pressure on you but do you see yourself marrying your boyfriend anytime soon? You don't have to answer that as it's simply a question I'm bringing up for a point. If so, to respect your parents' wishes, is it possible that you could wait until marriage to move out if it will be sometime soon? And in the meantime try to make compromises with your parents on what has been frustrating you?

Especially due to the fact that your parents do not want their daughters to move out before they are married, they most likely will be upset but I do hope you can eventually get through to them to the point where they support you and in a way so that you can still maintain a close relationship with your parents. The thing is, approaching them in a calm, respectful and mature manner is the best way to go for a hopefully more positive outcome.

You can explain the reasoning as to why you want to move out. The lack of space, the way you feel as they're checking up on you so often each time you go out and so on. They most likely simply care for you and worry. So while their actions are understandably frustrating for you, it would be a good idea to keep it in mind if you talk to them about it so they clearly see that you acknowledge the reasoning behind what they do. Regardless, it's still okay to feel upset about these things.

Be sure to calmly let them know that you love them but you feel like this would be the best option for you personally. Help them understand why you want to move out. Clearly let them know you want to still be in their life and spend time with them, that you aren't abandoning them at all. Let them know how much you love and care for them in a way that reassures them that you still want to be in their life if that is the truth. I assume it is because I imagine you do love your family a huge deal but are just frustrated with a lot of things at home.

Paige has a great suggestion for if you're worried you won't be able to take your belonging if you move out. If you do decide to move out then moving your personal belongings out little by little when your family isn't home would be a good plan before approaching them about the fact that you're moving out.

Hope this helped and I also hope this goes a lot better than you expect or at least works out in a way both you and your parents are happy with.
   
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