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Going on about my weight - October 5th 2015, 09:07 AM

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Hi guys, well my mother keeps going on about my weight all the time, yet she is like twice the size of me and all because she won't do anything about her own weight, she needs to bully me about mine. I won't post how much I weigh as I get embarrassed but I am starting a diet today of just salad l, I will prove that I can lose weight and then maybe she will stop bullying me
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Re: Going on about my weight - October 5th 2015, 02:48 PM

Hey Michaela, your mom might be like my dad - he used to harp about my weight because he didn't want me to "end up like him". It's obviously not the right or healthy approach, and I know it seems contradictory for a parent who is even heavier than yourself to try to tell you how to live your life or handle your weight, but it's possible that your moms cruel seeming criticisms come from a misguided place of concern.

As someone who can relate to your experiences, please don't do any extreme diets and don't try to lose weight just to prove to your mom or other people that you can. It ultimately won't make you feel any better. Being overweight is nothing to be ashamed of. However, if you feel that it is time to change something, that's ok to do as well. Just remember to do it for you. Things like salads just do not provide you with the kind of nutritional fulfillment that you need, you'll constantly be hungry. I know that your mom's approach is hurtful, and I know how absolutely awful it can make you feel when people begin voicing the worst things that you feel about yourself, but in the long run, you'll feel so much better about yourself if you do this the healthy way, even if that doesn't make you feel better now. You could even try talking to a nutritionist who can give you some unbiased advice about healthy changes in your life.

Ultimately, you cannot control your moms way of thinking. It might help if you try talking to her though. Just letting her know that wat she says hurts you and that it really isn't helpful , useful or kind for her to do things such as X, Y and Z. You can't make her think differently but you can tell her that the things she says outloud are counter productive, and that'll help a lot. Sticking up for yourself and saying that, no, this isn't helpful, can be a really good approach to taking control of the way that you see your body and making a healthy change




Feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat or have questions
   
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Re: Going on about my weight - October 5th 2015, 06:01 PM

I have tried talking to her but she is still being cruel. My dad isn't impressed that she keeps going on at me about it. But no matter how much I try to talk to her it just causes more upset. This isn't the only problems she is causing. She hasn't been a nice mother in 10 years to me and I blame myself for a lot of things that aren't my fault because of her. I always thought that it was my fault that she had changed toward me but my dad said it was nobodies fault and that she has just changed into a cruel person. I just can't take her crap anymore. Even my dad can see that I am struggling to cope with the things she causes, but I don't like to bother him with my problems. Would rather try and sort them out on my own, but every problem I've tried to sort between my mother and she goes on like a child and then has a nerve to say I am the immature one. I try to make an effort to sit and talk to her calmly but she ends off shouting and causing an argument that wasn't necassery in the first place. I can't talk to her about anything. My mother is gone, I don't feel like we have a bond anymore and even my dad says we don't. All she does is just puts me down and causes problems and we argue all the time. I don't even want to argue, I want to get on with her but she doesn't let me. She shouts at me all the time for nothing, says I'm lazy yet I do the housework for her every single day and I don't even get a thank you and she accuses me of not doing it when she can clearly see it has been. I'm just so fed up of it right now. I try and try over and over again to make things better between us but she makes no effort to meet me in the middle
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Re: Going on about my weight - October 5th 2015, 09:19 PM

Hey Michaela
I was overweight myself at one point, but I've never experienced the crap you're dealing with right now.
My best guess is that your mother is acting like a traditional grade school bully, masking their insecurities with agression. Your mother may very well be ashamed of her weight, and taking it out on you to help her feel better.
I suggest you ask her about it. If she starts up again about your weight, cut her off and tell her that you're dobe, and explain how you feel.
Best I can suggest for now.
Good luck!
   
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