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Allisonftw Offline
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Unhappy I don't know what to do - October 12th 2015, 08:08 PM

My mom has been well... acting real mean towards me. She blows at me when I make the tiniest mistakes, and ya know when I just want to be alone and listen to stories or music on youtube, she yells at me to take them off. I m not comfortable with that cause well- there s cursing. I mean it s kinda not my fault I m uncomfortable around her, she s gotta make me feel bad about myself. She insults me like calling me fat. My mom also guilt trips me. Like, honestly I d prefer to be with my dad but she always says things how I won t be happy over there and if I want to return to her, she ll say no and probably move to Florida or something. And she has a problem with my dad and his girlfriend. One time I took a picture with my dad s girlfriend cause we re good friends and my mom explodes at me for that, saying she s not my mother. I don t know what to do, me and her argue all the time. I would go to my dad s if my mom wasn't guilt tripping me. I think she thinks she s always right about everything. Just right now, she called me weak for complaining to her about my problems at school. Like I was just a bit angry how my class mates want to play volleyball all the time in gym when we can be using the fitness center so I just walk around the gym. What does my mom say? She calls me weak and that it's no wonder people don't like to be around me cause I'm weird. Like I'm sorry?? But I wanted to use the fitness center to exercise since I don't have time to do it at home since I'm busy and tired. I don't know what to do..
   
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Re: I don't know what to do - October 12th 2015, 10:09 PM

Hi there!

The way your mom treats you sounds very upsetting. I'm sorry that she treats you this way and guilt-trips you with anything regarding your dad. You're your dad's daughter too which means he should be able to spend time with you as well just as your mother does. The way she acted when she saw that you took a picture with your dad and his girlfriend makes me wonder if she is jealous and scared you'll leave her. She is going about this fear in all the wrong ways but it seems like she is scared to lose you in terms of you moving in with your dad and then not speaking to her much anymore. Which might be why she acts out whenever your dad is brought up.

Have you tried sitting down with her and having a heart to heart about this? Having a respectful and calm conversation about what things she does that upsets her and asking her questions about her own feelings could help a lot. You could share how you feel as you're walking on eggshells in a way since she blows at you over the smallest mistakes and ask her why she gets so annoyed at you. Is something bothering her too if this is mostly a recent thing? Then if that goes well, you could bring up your dad and ask her to hear you out. Ask her why she gets upset whenever your dad is brought up in conversation and ask if she's worried about losing you or if it is something else.

Having a calm conversation and letting her talk about her feelings as well is a good way to talk about what's bothering you with the best chances of it having a positive outcome. Yelling and hurtful words doesn't get people anywhere but being able to talk and hopefully make compromises/reassure each other about worries could actually bring you two closer together and improve some of the problems you have been having. You can even write down a list of points you want to bring up to her and what you want out of a conversation beforehand so you'll have a general idea on what to say and how to say it once you do sit down with her.

All of this sounds frustrating and hurtful to you and it isn't okay for you to continue to be treated like this. Your mom is a person who should help promote good self esteem in you rather than take it away by insulting you. I'm hoping you will be able to have a positive and productive conversation with her and figure out what is causing all of this. Other than that, is there any close family member such as an aunt or uncle on your mother's side that you can talk to about this? I was thinking maybe if you were to talk to someone about this that knows her well, they might could get through to her and convince her to treat you a bit better or at least stand up for you. For additional advice, you could also approach your school counselor or a trusted teacher for their insight/guidance on this situation.

Having to hear such mean words especially from your mother can't be easy so I'm sorry you're going through this. I just wanted to remind you that you are worth so much more than how she treats you. What she says does not define you, you define you. As difficult as it may be, don't lose sight of what makes you who you are. Be kind to others, keep your good qualities and good traits in sight and don't forget to simply be you regardless of what anyone else says. You aren't weird, you're unique just as everyone is in their own ways.

I wish you the best of luck. I hope things improve between you and your mom. Take care.
   
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