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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
MWF Offline
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Name: Robert
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Best friend left - October 22nd 2015, 07:31 AM

TL; DR. He's too dumb to realize hes dumb while I give him sexually, economically, and psychologically sound advice. He left me after criticizing his stupid lifestyle choices too much.
Well, my best friend left me, hence the title. He left on account of me becoming "arrogant" and "condescending". I'm not sure if I would use those words, though.
He's really, REALLY stupid. I don't mean that to insult him. He is completely unintelligent. So unintelligent that he takes all of my advice against his terrible lifestyle as an insult, which therefore makes it not worth consideration. Granted, my presentation could use some work.
A list of things I feel I've rightly criticized:
His girlfriend, and how he thought of her. She had nothing to offer him but sex. Thats it. She had the personality of a brick, but all he cared about was sex. ALL he cares about is sex.
Cheating on his girlfriend. We actually talked this out, and he knew he messed up.
Having a 3way with two girls he knew for like 3 hours, right after dumping his girlfriend.
Criticizing his notion that he would hang with me in a fight. It used to be that he could beat me in a fight. When it became painfully obvious that he couldn't (Im big, he's small, neither of us fight, but I wrestled for four years), he toned down his rhetoric. Before you say it was shots fired to have this argument, this is pretty common between American men to talk about.
Skipping out on college. He told me he was going to community college until a week away. He pulled out to work at the equivalent of Walmart. A VERY stupid decision, and it wasn't for money either. He had family working at the college and would've gotten a great deal.
Spending money he can't spend on bullshit. Do YOU need 10 hats? Fuck no. Nobody needs 10 hats. Without me he would have 20 hats. You're welcome.
Spending tons of money on weed. This one pisses me off. He already smokes a ton, probably daily, which is a problem. And he always wants me to go halvsies on "really good shit". "Dude, my dealer hasn't even tried it yet, but its 80 dollars a gram! Thats a steal! Snoop Dogg and Wiz Khalifa smoke this shit!" Why the fuck would I spend 40 dollars on a half gram of weed...?
Pipe tobacco. "Nah its good man, its not cigarettes, its not bad for you!" *Facepalm*.
Cigarettes. "Nah its good man, its organic, they aren't regular cigarettes, its not bad for you!" *Facepalm*
Saying the word "ni**a" casually, and thinking its different than the word "ni**er"(???). Shut the fuck up. I don't care if you aren't racist as you see it, if you can walk up to certain people and start a fight with one word, there is obviously a problem with that word. If you aren't from the US, ni**er is a horribly racist term against black people.
My school, and how much I dislike it. To be fair, I talk mad shit about my school while showing no loyalty at all to it, while his dad went there and taught the family to idolize it. I totally take it for granted while trying to transfer to my dream school, which is a rival to my school. Which leads to:
My dream school. He hates it because its a rival to his school, but he thinks all the people there are arrogant assholes because they traditionally have more money or are better at football (they do have a reputation for being arrogant, but so do the Ivys, and this school is just a step below. He's always talking shit about my dream school, aka my dream. He just doesn't want me to go there because he thinks my school that I'm currently at is the best thing ever while thinking my dream school is the worst thing ever. Guess what dipshit, I don't fit here. I have no friends. Just one that I frequently talk to, who is at my dream school. (By default, she is also the girl I'm most likely to marry, but thats beside the point. She's the only girl Ive talked to in a year) I'm too smart for the classes, therefore I took all the hardest classes, which I am getting a 4.0 in while taking up my entire schedule. I would regret leaving absolutely nothing. Therefore, I will leave. I'm basically just criticizing his baseless criticism here.
BROTIME. A necessary part of life that is almost all-encompassing to him. He needs constant bro-time (time spent with friends), which would cut into my studies big time. He criticized me for being selfish because I wouldn't let him crash at my place the night before two huge exams. I spent the entire weekend minus that afternoon at his house. I called him selfish. He freaked out big time.
He is literally so stupid that he could walk through the sets of Parks and Rec or Idiocracy and walk out, not understanding what the paycheck was for. He is almost a comedic type of stupid.

I say all this, but when he sent me a text during class the other day saying he'd drop me like a fucking rock, yeah, I couldn't help but cry. I've known the dude my whole life, and now he wants to split. Look, if I talked to him the way I talked shit on this post, yeah, I would leave too. This IS an arrogant, condescending post. But its mostly just me venting... I'm really gonna miss him. But he left me, even after telling him I loved him and that I didn't want him to go, after he gave me a choice of what to say, which was that^. It wasn't a choice at all. I'm guessing this is what a breakup feels like.
Yes, the majority of this was pure rant.


Wish I lived in Canada. UPDATE, NOV. 9th, 2016: This statement has become even more appropriate.
I vow that I will attack this endeavor with an enthusiasm unknown to mankind. Jim Harbaugh

"Being an adult sucks. The only positives are weed, sex, and cars, and I have none of those right now." -Me

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hatred cannot drive out hatred; only love can do that." -Martin Luther King Jr.
   
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Re: Best friend left - October 24th 2015, 07:35 AM

Hello Robert,

It's okay to feel frustrated at times, especially when you're in a situation like the one you just described about your best friend. Honestly, I don't believe this rant indicated any arrogance, but more like a lot of frustration. It does look like your best friend isn't making any wise choices for himself, and it looks like when you give advice on some of the things that he does, he just doesn't want to hear it. Obviously, he isn't having much of a life it seems. On one hand, you seem to have ambition and you are working towards your own goals, making something of yourself step by step. On the other hand, your best friend is the type of person that only wants to get by with his life, meaning he's the type that just wants to do what everyone else does. In this sense, he's not being open-minded nor showing any creativity with his own life whatsoever.

I believe all this frustration you've experienced from him has resulted from the fact that you guys are now complete opposites of each other. Though, since he wants to split from you, then let him do so. I understand that this will be difficult for you to come to terms with, especially since this best friend of yours has been with you your whole life. However, sometimes, people do change. In your case, your best friend changed for the worser. As much as you want to be a good influence on him, you cannot make him heed your advice if he doesn't want to. It's his choice if he wants to listen to you or not. It's not your fault that he wants to end this friendship with you. You've done absolutely nothing wrong to make him end the friendship. He has this big ego personality from the sound of it, as well as so much pride that it's like he thinks he's better than you.

Even though this guy has been your best friend your whole life, you should consider this as a sense of relief that he wants separation. From my perspective, if you two were still friends, I believe you guys would always argue/fight a majority of the time, and since your best friend isn't being a good example of what you should do with your life, it's best not to be friends with him. He isn't worth your time anymore, and if he isn't going to be considerate to you of anything, then you have a reason not to be considerate towards him.

The best thing you can do about this situation is respect his choice for ending the friendship, accept it for what it is, and when you feel the time is right, move on with your life. Remember that time heals all wounds, but it's what you do during that time that will help you heal from the pain.

Take care, and I wish you all the best with coming to terms with the situation that happened. I hope that this doesn't impede you from continuing on with your life.

-Mark




“The main thing is realizing that even if you feel terrible for a while, that’s not how you’re going to feel the whole time. . . . Things change if you just keep moving.” - Gary Vaynerchuk
   
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Re: Best friend left - October 25th 2015, 04:47 AM

He came running back two days ago looking for relationship advice (lol. Trust me, thats funny). I forgave him because he apparently burned every bridge that day out of stress, so I don't feel singled out. He's bipolar and isn't used to... stress.
I'm not really gonna worry about it anymore. I told him I was just trying to help, and he said he understood. This makes me the permanent good guy, so I don't have to feel bad about what I'm doing anymore.


Wish I lived in Canada. UPDATE, NOV. 9th, 2016: This statement has become even more appropriate.
I vow that I will attack this endeavor with an enthusiasm unknown to mankind. Jim Harbaugh

"Being an adult sucks. The only positives are weed, sex, and cars, and I have none of those right now." -Me

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hatred cannot drive out hatred; only love can do that." -Martin Luther King Jr.
   
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