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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
$Kelly2DaB$ Offline
awesome =]
Not a n00b
$Kelly2DaB$'s Avatar
Name: Kelly
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Location: Jersey

Posts: 65
Join Date: January 21st 2009

a senseless rant - May 14th 2009, 07:05 AM

ive been thinking lately.. and now i just wanna get some things off my chest.im absolutely scared of growing up. ive made is this far at middlesex because well itsmiddlesex. in another year plus a little, i will be off ot a four year school. ill be alone ata school that i know no one. and yes everyone goes through it, but im nervous. im also nervous cuz i feel like being a chef shouldnt be my profession. dont get me wrong, i love cooking, but i dont know if i should study in it. maybe be a teacher or something? i dontknow. im just worried im gonna have an epic fail at life.

i hate my job. im sure a lot of people do. but sometimes, customers can really get the best of me. the main reason i havent quit yet besides money is the people i work with.they are the greatest and are super awesome. lately, ive been getting close with a handful of them and i couldnt be happier. its like they were always there, but now we are all
starting to get close. i dont know how to exlain it. but a pattern has started that we haveweekly adventures.. i love it! =]

i never had good luck picking friends that i could called my besties. there are a handful that i did become lucky with. one person who i thought would be a long term friend really dicked me over. she was a bitch that i now realized treated me like completecrap. for what it is worth, there were many good things bout that the friendship. but as a whole, it was a complete waste of my time. i dont understand why friendships disappear and what not, but i guess it is true and its for the better. another friend
of mine i was inseparable with. not gonna lie, a record we had was seeing each other15 days in a row! damn. unfortunately, lately we have be drifting apart. i dont understand why it's happening but it is. some say she isnt a good friend for me, but when it comes down to it, i really believe she belongs in my life as my friend.

although friendships have not been my fortay, some people have really put there mark on my heart. one of my best friends is a guy. he is my listener, my advice giver, and hes super awesome. i talk to him about pretty much everyhting. sometimes i even call him up just to bitch to him about something thats bothering me. another best friend of mine is a girl. she is recent. ive known her through work for a year, but its only been 2 months since we've actually been close. we were always friends, but the past 2 months have proved to me that some people can make a good lasting impression. i legit talk to her everyday, sometimes more than once per day. i hope she isnt sick of me yet haha. it can be 2 days without hanging out in person, and i get a random text saying im missed. that made me smile a little lol. never leave <3 but ill understand if it happens. im a lil nervous for when she goes away to college cuz i dont know what will happen but i think i can stay friends. especially if i stay friends with the boy that leaves home for boston =]

a silly matter that doesnt need a second thought is the three word sentence used for a variety of things. relationships with family and
significant others, to friends. i know people that say i love you all the time and have no problem saying it back. sometimes i find myself not really feeing comfortable saying it. i mean sometimes i do. i try, but
sometimes i feel like it sounds weird coming from me. so if i dont say i love you back, it may not be a big deal but im sorry. but i do love my friends. work and outside <3

i wish my life was a bit different, but i cant imagine it any other way. i feel like ive been shaped into the person i am because of all the stuff i went through. not to sound so cliche btw. i just feel like i could have done this differently, or that different. ive had rough times. and ive had amazing times. i went from rock bottom with suicidal thoughts, to being ontop of the world and "high on life." i just need to go some air and reall look hard at what ive achieved so far, and what more i want to do. i want to be happy, and secure happiness. although, i dont think there is such a thing as securing happiness. you have to make it for yourself.

thanks of reading this pointless rant =]

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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Strider Offline
I've been here a while
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Name: Nat
Age: 28
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Posts: 1,448
Join Date: January 19th 2009

Re: a senseless rant - May 15th 2009, 09:29 PM

Hi Kelly,

This was definitely not pointless! Ranting and getting feelings out is always important, and I think you did a good job with this in your post. You touched on a lot of things going on in your life that I'm sure quite a few people could relate to.

Everyone goes through a stage when they just don't want to grow up. This is completely normal. The future is an unknown and weird thing right now, but believe me when I say you will be able to handle it. It may be different at first, but growing up happens, and that doesn't change who you are at all.

If you are unsure that you want to be a chef, then review your options and find out what most interests you. Explore a bit and work off of your strengths and what you enjoy. There are a lot of courses and career options, so just choose what's right for you.

I don't think you should quit your job either. Customers are needy and annoying sometimes, but what matters is that you are comfortable with your job. It sounds like you are having fun with the people you work with and that is really what's important.

Remember that just because in the past some of your friends have turned out to be using you doesn't mean the friends you have right now will turn out the same way. It sounds like you have some great friends right now who really love spending time with you. Don't think that you are annoying them, because it doesn't sound like you are at all.

And I'm the same way about the whole 'I love you' thing. Sometimes it just sounds so strange for me to say. That's perfectly fine. Actions speak louder than words, after all


The great artists of our time are the ones who created something timeless. But it was never them defining it that way.
Everyone has a story. What's yours?
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