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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Lionheart Offline
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She needs help, but... - December 7th 2015, 01:58 PM

Ok, so this is pretty complicated or maybe it just seems to be complicated to me, but I'll just try to keep it simply... or something.

So I have this friend, let's call her L. She is.... well there's not realyy a word to discribe her. Anyway, we are a rather larg group of friends and she's aon and off in the groupe because she has the tendency to get into fights with anyone and everyone.
The thing is, we all kinda separately came to the conclusion that she has issues. As in mental issus and that she definitly need proffesionel help. But, she's constantly at war with at least one person in the group and she has that kind of believe, that whoever she is fighting with will try to manipulate the others into hating her. So if anyone ever mentioned as much as her needing proffesional help to her, she will be convinced, that we are trying to hurt her and are ganging up on her or something so we can't tell her and can't help her get help.
Also, I'm probably the only person she rarely fights with because most of the things that piss the others of don't bother me and since I never criticice her, she sees me as one of her only allys in this. One of the reasons I rarely tell her no or that she did something wrong is, so that she can keep the reassurance of having an ally. Because of that though I'm always caught in the middle. Like, currenlt yshe is fighting with one of our friends and to be honest our friend is right, but L constantly telly me how unfair everything is and how scared she is that everyone will turn against her and stuff. She won't listen when I tell her that the others won't start hating her over this and I can't tell her to appologize because then she will be just convinced that the other friend managed to manipulate me into hating her. Funny thing is that L ist the one manipulatng people.
I'm just sick being the one caught in the middle.
And it's pretty damn painfull to constantly watch her ruin all her relationships and chase her friends away, just to cry over it and shit.
I know now she probably sound like an awfull person to be around, but she's not that bad. She just need a lot of support and understanding and help. But everyone elses patience is kinda running out....

Well, I was hoping that maybe anyone has an idea, how I can help her? Because she definietly needs the help, I just don't know how to give her that help or convince her, to get the help she needs....


It's ok to give in to an urge or make a mistake. You are only human and we all have our flaws. We all have our weak moments and we all make mistakes. Thats what makes us human.
Thats what makes us unique and beautiful

Courage isn't always a loud roar. Sometimes it is a quiet whisper at the end of a day saying: Tomorrow I will try it again!

   
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Re: She needs help, but... - December 8th 2015, 02:41 PM

Hello there,

Sorry to hear that things aren't going so well with this friend of yours. From what you described, she sounds like the type who would chase away friends by stirring drama and chasing them away to only make it an issue for her to cry over. It may be possible that she may have mental issues going on, but there's no way to tell for certain unless she is looked at by a professional. If she's resisting in getting help and denying that she has a problem, then there's no way that you can help her. It's unfortunate to say, but you can't make someone get help if they don't want to, even if you're their closest friend.

It's up to her to choose whether or not she wants to get help. However, she seems to not know that she has a problem. The best that you can do for is to continue being a supportive friend to her, but sometimes, you got to make exceptions. Your other friends don't deserve to be treated horribly by her, and as much as you're her closest ally, you have to put your foot down and let her know when she is wrong. I understand you already mentioned that she has it in her mind that everyone is out to get her, but how can you be a good friend to her if you can't be honest at heart with her when she's wrong? You can always have a one-on-one conversation with her about the issues she has, and maybe you can convince her to get professional help. However, if she continues to deny the issues and refuse to get help, then there's nothing else you can do at that point. If it comes to that, maybe that's something that she needs to figure out for herself.

I wish you all the best, and I hope your situation turns out for the better. Take care of yourself.

-Batman




“The main thing is realizing that even if you feel terrible for a while, that’s not how you’re going to feel the whole time. . . . Things change if you just keep moving.” - Gary Vaynerchuk
   
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Lionheart Offline
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Re: She needs help, but... - December 11th 2015, 07:09 PM

Thanks.
Thinks kinda escalated in our group and stuff and they basicly kicked L out, though me and two others still have contact with her and talk with her nearly every day, to make sure she is as ok as she can be given the situation.
I should be sad it came to this but currently I'm kinda glad because this took a lot of tension out of the situation...
And yeah.... I talked with L and told her that I won't take her side on this matter, just like I'm not gone take the side of the others because it's not my fight and while I'm not gone be able to support her and give advice, I will at least always listen to her and talk with her, 'cause I'm kinda in this friendship to stay and I just hope she believes me and yeah... I'm just glad all the tension is gone cause it was making me sick.
Not sure if I'm making sense right now, I'm way to tired and out of it right now, but I just wanted to say thank you for listening and for your words because it really means a lot to me and thanks


It's ok to give in to an urge or make a mistake. You are only human and we all have our flaws. We all have our weak moments and we all make mistakes. Thats what makes us human.
Thats what makes us unique and beautiful

Courage isn't always a loud roar. Sometimes it is a quiet whisper at the end of a day saying: Tomorrow I will try it again!

   
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