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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Sen Vanos Offline
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Question Age gaps - December 29th 2015, 09:08 AM

So I have this internet friend, he's a really chill guy, who's recently turned 19.

Problem is, I'm only 12. I'm always cautious with telling the internet my age, in the case of pedophiles stalking me online or something. Should I just tell him the truth? But what if he isn't who he says he is? What should I do?

Sidenote: My parents don't know about it.
   
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Re: Age gaps - December 29th 2015, 09:44 AM

Hey there Sen,

This is quite a tough question to answer. I understand that you want to be honest because you feel like he is your friend, but there are the possible dangers that you have to be aware of. Ultimately, it's the question of whether you want to stay on the safe side or not. Be careful of the information you give out about yourself as well, because if he's not who he says he is, he can find you in real life through those pieces of information.

I would also suggest telling your parents (or just one of them) about the situation and asking for advice. Depending on the kind of people they are, they might understand and not freak out the way you think they might. I got to know some people online as well that I eventually met in real life, but I took all the necessary precautions in case they weren't who I thought they were.

Hope this helped and if you need to talk or anything, feel free to PM me!

Kyra xx
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Re: Age gaps - December 29th 2015, 12:10 PM

I think the friendship may not be the best idea. I definitely think you should tell one of your parents, just in case. He could be pretending to be someone he's not, but he could also get in trouble in some situations because he's of age and you're underage so he may not want to involve himself with someone so much younger.



"We all have battle scars, Finn. Suck it up and build a brace for yours."
   
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Re: Age gaps - December 29th 2015, 05:29 PM

Ok, allow me to address the age gap first; it's ok and it's not ok, you know. First of all, I think you have to be aware of the different dynamic that occurs and be honest about it because it won't be the same as people you're own age. I'm speaking from both ends of the scales (having friends much older and younger) and the one thing I've noticed is that when I was younger with a much-older friend, that person took the relationship more like an aunt, like we could talk about what ever and spend time together, but she was also better with giving advice and guidance, the same goes for this girl who I am sort of "friends" with, I am more like her older sister and a regular friend. So, yeah, age gaps can be a really positive thing for you, and as you get older, if the friendship sticks, it can be pretty great (no one will care at 20 if your friend is 27 after all). That said, you should be careful, as others suggested, and be sure that this person is who they claim they are before you give away too much. Admitting to being 12 probably isn't the be all and end all, but you might want to not tell them exactly where you live (vagueness like "Canada" or "Toronto" is ok, but a small town like "Flin Flo" is probably too specific because it's impossible to find someone in a vague city with millions of people unless you say "I live on Bay Street" but "Flin Flon" is tiny and strangely named soo in terms of a psycho killer finding you, just avoid it. In fact, avoid bringing up the big city even until you're sure this person isn't secretly a fat 50 year old dude who lives in his mom's basement and eats chicken wings while talking to young kids who he plans to kidnap and eventually kill (seriously, this advice just applies to all people, even in my 20's I am respectful of stranger danger on the internet if I can't prove up front that someone isn't a murdering nut case) Any ways, I am not sure if the person knows your age (did you lie about it or something?) but you might want to be honest, but just be aware that they might be upset that you lied, especially because 12 to 19 is a big age gap, at least at your times of life because sooooooooo much maturing happens as a young person that until the maturing starts to "slow down" in your early 20's, there can be a much larger gap than you currently realize, but that doesn't mean you guys can't be friends, just that you need to let your friend have his/her/their reaction




Feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat or have questions
   
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Re: Age gaps - January 1st 2016, 09:46 AM

I really doubt he would come and get me. I live literally on the other side of the world. He lives in Indonesia. He doesn't know about my age, I didn't lie about anything I said to him. He doesn't know too much about me, except of my screenname (Sen), my videogame preferences and possibly my birthday. All I know of him is his screenname (Steve), videogame preferences and his birthday. Should I just tell him that I'm pretty young?
   
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Re: Age gaps - January 1st 2016, 02:18 PM

I don't see why you should, really. It sounds like you guys interact on a gaming website, so there's really no need to state your age.

I'm 30 and I would not want to be friends with a 12 year old. There's the whole generational issue, different stages of life, oh and that legal issue if they turn around and act like a bratty 12 year old.

If you are feeling uncomfortable that he's 19, then maybe find a new friend who is closer to your age.
   
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Re: Age gaps - January 3rd 2016, 08:56 AM

For more information, we met on YouTube and use Google+.
   
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Re: Age gaps - January 13th 2016, 11:09 PM

Sounds to me like he's a pedophile. Tell your parents. Block him.
He's trying to "groom" you. He might be nice and respectful and you two might get along and all... but when it comes down to it, you are 12 and he is 19. He is an adult and you are a pre-teen. I am not talking down to you so please do not get the wrong idea when I say this: no 19 year old, or any adult for that matter, in their right mind would involve themselves with someone who isn't yet a teenager. He is trying to prey upon you. Please trust me when I say that his intentions are not good. It doesn't matter what he says to you and I don't care how nice, understanding, or respectful he is.
You know that what he is doing is wrong, otherwise you would not have asked for advice about it. You are not at fault. He is.
Please do not take what I say lightly. I am saying all of this because as a human being, I am concerned.
   
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Re: Age gaps - January 13th 2016, 11:28 PM

I do not mean to frighten you but it is important that you are made aware of this. I found two videos on YouTube. Watch them. Educate yourself. You said that he is in Indonesia. Indonesia is a very, very poor country. How do you think he was able to get the money to buy a computer to talk to you on? That's a rhetorical question - you don't have to answer it.
Here are the links to the videos:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdxZAGsRlAs


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGfW-c12WsA
   
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