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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Should we stop being friends? - January 1st 2016, 08:35 PM

I've been with one of my friends since 6th grade (I'm currently in 8th) and we've always had an odd relationship.
Honestly, our friendship started when she learned about one of my problems, which I won't get into. What's weird is that she was currently best friends with another girl and didn't seem interested in me, so I didn't talk to her. She's always been talkative and she tried to help me.
Last year, I attempted to stop being friends with her, partially because of her habit of bragging. I actually heard her talking to one of my friends about it and it seemed like she didn't get the hint. But even if I try to ignore her, she won't leave me alone. Also, we once started talking about people that had passed away and because of that, it irritates me to hear her mention it, but we got into what seemed like a fight over who had been more hurt.
This year was the same, I've been ignoring her a lot, but it's mostly because she's gotten into the habit of tugging my hair. I didn't mind it until she pulled one while I was talking to a friend and I almost started crying because of how much it hurt. One of my friends told me two weeks ago that she'll probably leave for other friends and I know it's true, but it hurts to actually hear someone else say that.
I'm sorry for saying so much, I actually made a note for her about this but I'm not sure if I should actually give it to her. And yeah, I know I should probably talk to her...but I'm the type to not say much and just leave. Besides, we've been over this a couple times, I just didn't do anything about it.

Last edited by SakuraNeko98; January 1st 2016 at 08:38 PM. Reason: There was a sentence I didn't like
   
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Re: Should we stop being friends? - January 2nd 2016, 04:07 AM

May I ask what the note you wrote says?

I know that you said that you don't do anything about things and are just the type to not say much, but I really think that in a situation like this it is best to talk to her, even if it is through a note. You can write things out and get everything out that way. That way all of your initial thoughts are out without nerves or interruptions getting in the way. You two will still want to talk about things after but at least the initial thoughts will be out.

If things don't change after the talk or if you honestly don't think it's worth it to talk, there's nothing wrong with ending the friendship, but I definitely would tell her you're ending it and why first, so that way she's not left wondering what happened.


   
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Re: Should we stop being friends? - January 2nd 2016, 12:56 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Epiphany. View Post
May I ask what the note you wrote says?

I know that you said that you don't do anything about things and are just the type to not say much, but I really think that in a situation like this it is best to talk to her, even if it is through a note. You can write things out and get everything out that way. That way all of your initial thoughts are out without nerves or interruptions getting in the way. You two will still want to talk about things after but at least the initial thoughts will be out.

If things don't change after the talk or if you honestly don't think it's worth it to talk, there's nothing wrong with ending the friendship, but I definitely would tell her you're ending it and why first, so that way she's not left wondering what happened.
I honestly don't think talking to her would work...I've talked to her about feeling left out with her and she told me I should speak up and I wouldn't be, but it's not entirely that. I also told her I won't talk to her as much and I don't think she takes me seriously. But I also don't want to talk it out.

P.S. Do you mean here or somewhere else? Either way, I'm fine with telling you.
   
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Re: Should we stop being friends? - January 3rd 2016, 02:33 AM

If you don't talk it out that's fine, although I still suggest at least speaking with her or sending her a message before you do decide to end the friendship. Even if she doesn't take things seriously, it may be good just to let her know what's going on before you leave so that way when she realizes this is for real, she'll have something to think about and won't be left wondering what she did.

Quote:
P.S. Do you mean here or somewhere else? Either way, I'm fine with telling you.
Are you talking about the note part? I was just wondering since you were wondering about sending it, what it'd be telling her.


   
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Re: Should we stop being friends? - January 5th 2016, 07:25 PM

I feel like if you have to ask if you should end a friendship, then you probably should. Unlike family, you can choose your friends and friends should make you feel better, not worse. There is nothing wrong with admitting that this friendship is no longer one that works for you, especially if, as you say, you've tried to talk to her about things that bother/upset you and she refuses to accept or to work on her side of what causes that upset. There is no shame in ending that friendship or otherwise taking a step back.

When you've talked to her have you ever said words like "I don't want to be your friend and more" or "stop it, I don't like it" or "don't pull my hair ever again, it hurts and that's not ok". If you've been crystal clear and said "stop it" or whatever, then don't put up with that shit. If you know that talking to her about it won't fix it, then don't about about it, talk to her. You talk, she listens, end of story. If that means you have to write another letter, then do so. You can always try just not talking to her any more and refusing to spend time with her, but it sounds like that's not working so you probably don't really have a choice but to directly tell her "leave me alone, I don't like it when you do these [describe] things and if you refuse to respect that, then we can't be friends"




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