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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
oceaneyes95 Offline
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Name: Lillian (Lilli)
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Need help making more friends! - January 5th 2016, 04:15 PM

I just wanted some advice on making new friends. I've never really been good at making friends. I just moved into a new area. I'm almost twenty one now. I'm married, and have a fifteen month old son. I also have another one on the way. So, in this case it makes it difficult to get my GED like I've previously talked about, or getting a job. It makes it difficult to really even have a hobby, or do simple things like go on walks. Even just typing up these threads that I make on here take time away from my baby because he is playing in his play pen in my room while i'm typing right now. So, making friends has become a difficult task.

I was home-schooled as a teenager, and wasn't close to any of my family. So, when I was fourteen I got involved in a local church. We had what we called "Teen Church" every Sunday morning after Sunday school. Our church wasn't a very active church meaning we didn't have a youth group, or a band, or other things of that sort. I guess because the adults really tried stressing to us that church wasn't just supposed to be a social event, and that we shouldn't go to church just to make friends, or because our close friends go. We should go to serve God, and to build stronger faith. Things of that sort. Fellowship, and becoming close to church family was just a supposed to be a bonus. But, we still added each other on Facebook, and texted, and eventually I ended up hanging out with these friends a lot. Then they introduced me to other teenagers who didn't go to my church.

I went from the age of fourteen to a little after I was eighteen. Then, things in my personal life just kept getting more difficult, and kind of got in the way. I got lost from God, and basically everything I believed in. Now, here I am. I have SIXTY THREE friends on Facebook. They aren't strangers, or at least not completely. They are people I legitimately knew at one point. A lot of those friendships that I had as a teenager have been broken. All of my family is blocked on my Facebook due to the drama that has happened recently.

I just get kind of lonely. I mean, I am happy in my relationship with my husband. I'm also happy to be a mother. But, I don't get to go anywhere or do anything. It gets kind of boring. I don't even have a babysitter I can depend on. I take my baby with me EVERYWHERE. Except for when I was going to court because of my family issues. Then we also found a babysitter last minute. Any other time if I have to go do something that requires somebody watching my Eli for me I usually have to wait for a day that my husband isn't working.

I guess I just need a better support system. I have always kind of struggled with not having a good support system really. One of my old that friends from church that I am still on good terms with is also a friend on Facebook. She is also married, and has two daughters. She's a few years older than me. We have a lot in common. Except she lives far away from me now. But, when she posts something online about her personal life she get's a lot of comments, and likes on it. I know that's silly to care about, and shouldn't matter. But, when I post something positive about my personal life I get nothing. Maybe a little judgment for being "braggy, or stuck up". But, recently she posted something life "I have good news, but unfortunately everybody will have to wait until next week for me to post it!". She got a ton of comments like "Can be the first to know?!" or "Oh my gosh, I can't wait!!" If I were to post something like that I wouldn't get anything except a nasty message, or comment about how snooty it was of me. I guess I just want supportive people in my life who genuinely want to see me happy, and want me to succeed.

Anyways, if anyone can give me some kind of advice on this matter I would really appreciate it! Thanks!
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Re: Need help making more friends! - January 7th 2016, 02:32 AM

I think you should consider talking to some of your friends from church. I know you said you aren't friends with everyone you used to be friends with, but maybe you can talk to some people you're still on good terms with. You can even talk to your friend who doesn't live close to you anymore. I know talking to people online isn't the same as in person, but I think you'll benefit from it.

I'm not sure how you feel about religion right now, but have you thought about going to church again if you're not already going? Maybe you can go with your husband and see if your church has childcare during services, or you can go by yourself and let your husband stay home with your son.

Maybe you can do some research and look around to see if your area has any mommy and me classes, or parent groups that you're allowed to bring your son to. You might be able to meet other parents and develop a friendship around your children.

I know that for some people, family is a big part of their support system and it must be rough when you don't have that. Do you ever talk to your husband about how you're feeling? Maybe you can look around to see if you can find a therapist for support if counseling is an option for you. Always remember you have TeenHelp for support, too.

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Re: Need help making more friends! - January 7th 2016, 03:05 PM

Hey there,
Cassie brought up a good point about looking into alternative childcare options. One that came to mind is a co-op or babysitting share system of sorts. I don't know the exact term but there's these small (or large) groups of parents who take turns providing childcare for the group. So if you and a couple mothers/fathers gathered, and each of you had a child, you can rotate taking care of all three. So there will be times you have 2 additional kids but other times Eli would be with the other 2 kids and you'll have some time for yourself.

I *think* that's how it works. But I think there are many ways to approach this. For example in larger groups there may be a credit system where you earn points everytime you help out with a group activity that you can eventually spend by having childcare for free while you get to take time off. You can even start one on your own.

This is an article to learn more.

On another note, I want to say well done for everything you accomplished so far. I happen to have read your other thread and I admire your strength in such a difficult time with your family members, especially your mother. I know it can be hard to make friends but you should be proud of yourself for taking the initiative posting here and actively trying to find ways to make friends.
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Re: Need help making more friends! - January 10th 2016, 07:49 AM

Hello Lilian.

I think that when it comes down to it, there are plenty of people on this site who could be from your area and could help you overcome any bad situations. Some of them could even be right next to your front door! What you should do is get to know as many people in both online and offline situations. You could talk more and socialize more with people from online groups like this one, and that'll help you meet more people. Some of these people will also make the effort to bring you around and help you meet plenty of other people from other social circles. All this will inject a lot of joy and fun into your world!

Perhaps you could also talk more to this supportive friend on Facebook, and you might get involved in her social circle which will let you get to know the people she mixes with. That'll help you out too, and some of these people will certainly be your bosom buddies. There are even maternity clubs for parents just like you and you'll certainly meet plenty of like-minded people and the such!

When there's a will, there's a way. You also have us, and remember that we'll be here to support you and help you out. You got this in the bag!

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You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
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Re: Need help making more friends! - January 13th 2016, 12:47 PM

Don't be mean or rude; you do not want to lose any potential friends. Be nice and friendly. If you want to make friends, you first need to put yourself out there somehow in order to meet people. If you just sit alone, friends might come to you, but that's not likely. If you're still in school, sit somewhere with other people. It doesn't have to be the "popular"/ "cool" table, or a crowded one, but one with at least two other people. Hang out with many others. The popular kids won't matter when you're older, but a true friend will be there for you forever. Remember, friends seldom come knocking on your door while you sit at home playing on your laptop. Popular people aren't always going to be mean to you. They just need to know you a little better.
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
oceaneyes95 Offline
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Re: Need help making more friends! - January 15th 2016, 06:03 PM

Thanks for all the help! To that last reply I'm not in high school anymore. So, the popluar girls are irrelevant to my life. I live in the real world now. I'm a wife & mother of soon to be two boys. I don't sit on my laptop all day. I take care of my 15 month old while being pregnant all day. Thanks for the advice, but I feel like if you would have read my whole thread you would already know the situation.
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