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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Calaer Offline
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Angry No idea what to do at this point. - January 10th 2016, 10:11 PM

I'm not very social, and I don't think that's a surprise to anyone who knows me on a personal level. I have two super close friends who I try and invite over at least once a week. I enjoy socializing with someone other than Ava and Jordan sometimes. (Which doesn't mean that Jordan and Ava are bad or anything. It's just nice to see other people too.)

Well Jordan has this one friend that comes over more often than my friends. We will call him 'B'. I can't stand it when he comes over. First off, he is older than us, lives with his Grandmother, and doesn't do anything with his life. So he has no job, no drivers license, and no car. He lives a city over from us. We ALWAYS have to pick him up. That gas we waste adds up, especially if you count the fact that we have to bring him back every time as well.

Every time he comes over he packs like he is going to stay with us for a week. (Not that he hasn't before, sadly.) He scatters his things around the house. (Our house is very small, it's a two bedroom, two bedroom, super small.) I HATE clutter. I work very hard to keep the house clean everyday and with a two year old, that's a task in itself. I feel as if I shouldn't have to keep up with his stuff as well.

Not only does he scatter his things around, but he refuses to pick up his dishes. He will use five cups for one night, never brings them to the sink. he lives them scattered around the house. The living room, bath room, ect. It's just too much for me to handle at times.

Then to top off the fact that he has no respect for my house, he has no respect for me. He is ALWAYS rude and disrespectful towards me. If I ask him to keep his stuff together so I'm not always going behind him and cleaning up, he will tell me that it's my house so he doesn't have to do anything. It's just too much.

I've spoken to Jordan about all of this and he says he can see where I'm coming from, he always tries and defends B. There are times when I want to pull the 'I'm the wife, you should take my side' card, but I realize that would be unfair. I know Jordan wants the chance to hangout with his friends, and I'm not going to keep him from doing it. I just wish that B would have more respect in general.

There are a few of Jordan's friends I truly don't like, and while Jordan knows how I feel, he also knows that I'm not going to keep him from seeing his friends. I'm just not sure how to handle B. Jordan going to his house isn't an option for Jordan, not only because he is married and has a family and Jordan needs and wants to be home with us at night, and B's Grandma doesn't like people staying at her house. (Which is understandable.)

I'm just at a loss. I've tried to purpose that they do something out in town, but we don't always have the extra money to run around doing things, and while we don't have to spend every day with our friends, B is the type of person that needs all of that attention. It's like he can't be on his own or do things without having Jordan 'up his ass' so to speak every day.

Sorry for ranting and raging. I just truly have no idea how to deal with this without starting an argument or hurting anyone's feelings or both. I could really use some advice if you guys have any for me. Thanks.


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Re: No idea what to do at this point. - January 11th 2016, 02:55 AM

This seems really frustrating and I can definitely understand where you're coming from. I'm sure it's hard to keep the house clean with a two year old as it is without adding Jordan's friend into it.

Now, B used the excuse that it's your house and he shouldn't have to do anything. But as a guest, he should be respectful of you and the items in your house. I think you should talk to Jordan and explain that and then see if you can go about setting up some rules for him to follow (Putting cups away, cleaning up after himself, etc). If you can get Jordan on your side with this than B might take it seriously if it comes from both if you. You can always explain to B that it's your house, which means you make the rules.

I know you said you don't have a lot of extra money to do various things outside of town but I do like your idea of Jordan and B hanging out outside of your house. Maybe they can look at free museums if you have any in your area, or they can go hiking for a while so they have a chance to talk.

It might help to encourage him to spend time with his grandmother, volunteer, look for a job, or get out of his house a little more so he can make more friends too.

Keep me updated.


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Calaer Offline
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Re: No idea what to do at this point. - January 11th 2016, 03:12 PM

Thanks for the advice. I'll totally give it a try!


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