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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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arwen Offline
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My mother thinks I am ugly - May 16th 2009, 01:52 AM

In this vent I will sound whiney, forgive me but I really need to say this

my mom always says I am fat and ugly and she has been saying it since I was 5 (not making this up)

for example just today
I was wearing shorts for the first time ever, I never wear short things, I always wear long pants or Capri’s, anyway this was in the house and I was jogging along with my Wi-fit, anyway so my darling mother walks in and says how she never knew I was so ugly, she thinks I am shapeless and hideous
I mean I know I am not pretty but I am not ugly either
I am a little chubby, but that's okay isn't it


so anyway it just makes me so mad (and sad) that my own mother thinks I am so ugly, if she thinks I am ugly than how can anyone else think I am pretty

   
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Re: My mother thinks I am ugly - May 16th 2009, 01:56 AM

First off, I REALLY want a Wi-Fit.

My mother said all kinds of things like that to me when I was younger. I just learn to block it out. It shouldn't matter what our mothers say about us, It's how we view ourselves. It's not what they call you, It's what you answer to.


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Re: My mother thinks I am ugly - May 16th 2009, 01:56 AM

I've learned the hard way, it doesn't matter what people think about you, only what you think about yourself. I went a long time thinking I wasn't pretty because my best friend said he didn't want to date me because I wasn't pretty enough. You just gotta see, that you're beautiful. To heck with everyone else and what they say.

Granted, everyone wants their parents to call you pretty and things, but if they don't, so what? My dad makes fun of me and my sister all the time. He calls my sister fat, because she goes around saying she's "fat" and he calls me a stick because I'm so skinny. But it's all a joke, we all laugh about it. Are you sure it may not just be her joking and you not knowing this?


When you fall, don't always expect someone to pick you up. Do it yourself, you're stronger then you think. Brush yourself off and keep your head high.

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Re: My mother thinks I am ugly - May 16th 2009, 03:11 AM

I'm sorry : ( its hardest to hear that sort of thing from the people we're supposed to be close to... especially a parent, because they're the ones who, traditionally, are supposed to love us unconditionally, nurture us, etc... but unfortunately, thats not always exactly the case. I'm sure your mother loves you without bounds, of course. But sometimes the nurturing factor can be over-run by personal insecurities. I know that its cliche, the whole 'people only make fun of people becuse they feel bad about themselves' business, but really. How many people who're happy and secure within themselves go picking on other people? And whats more, how often are your criticisms of others reated to what you yourself are insecure about? Maybe she isn't very happy with her own appearance... I mean, for example, one of my best friends has this totally great body, and her mom is a bit over-weight. To me, she's obviously pretty insecure about her looks, but my friend doesn't see that cuz thats her mom... and so takes it to heart when her mom calls her fat and ugly, etc... Or when my own mom is checking hersef out in the miror, and then turnes to me and says I'm a cow or whatever... I mean, really, people just go and attack other people's feelings all based on their own insecurities, and many times, their criticisms aren't well-founded at all. You have to learn how to give your own opinions and thoughts more worth than you give other peoples' judgements and comments about you. Whether your mom thinks you're attractive or not has nothing at all to do with how other people will find you. What will have an effect on how others see you, though, is how you see yourself... if you realize that you're a beautiful person, thats how you'll act, and that confidence will draw people to you (: And, you don't sound whiny or anything ~ its upsetting when people we care about are unkind to us. But learning to put it into persepective will really help : )

Peace&Love,

Simone.

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Re: My mother thinks I am ugly - May 16th 2009, 07:00 PM

There was nothing whiny about that rant, so don't worry about it! It's always good to let these feelings out, and talking about it is really a great way.

You are perfectly fine the way you are. Don't listen to your mom for a moment about your appearance because it's not true. The only thing that matters is that you are alright and happy with the way you look. You mom can say all she wants about herself, but right now she is just being mean.

As long as you are comfortable, then wear what you like, especially in your own house. Don't feel like you have to dress a certain way just because of the comments your mom makes. If you want to wear shorts, then wear shorts. If you want to wear capris, then wear them.

Just do your best to ignore your mom and try not to let what she says affect you. Be confident about yourself and take pride in what you look like and how you act. That is what is really important.

Stay strong and take care

Nat.


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Re: My mother thinks I am ugly - May 16th 2009, 08:01 PM

I'm sorry your mother said that. I know what it feels like to hear negetivity from a parent, and I know how it hurts. The best advice I can give is to just let it go. If you're happy with the way you look and feel, then thats all that matters. Life's too short to spend all our time trying to remold ourselves in attempts to please others. As long as YOU are happy, then c'est la vie.




   
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