TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Kamen Rider Gai Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
Kamen Rider Gai's Avatar
 

Posts: 6
Join Date: February 21st 2016

If someone in general isn't an initiator, then how can you tell if they don't put effort in a friendship? - March 1st 2016, 05:24 PM

If that was the case, then how could you be able to know if they care about being your friend?
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
cynefin Offline
Verbal venom.

TeenHelp Addict
************
 
cynefin's Avatar
 
Age: 21
Gender: Female
Location: 1261'

Posts: 9,953
Blog Entries: 1522
Join Date: August 25th 2012

Re: If someone in general isn't an initiator, then how can you tell if they don't put effort in a friendship? - March 1st 2016, 08:43 PM

Everyone's different when it comes to friendships. Some people are quiet and introverted and they aren't initiators. But that doesn't necessarily mean they don't care about the friendship, either. I used to be quiet with my friends a few years ago when I had just moved since I moved around a lot, but once I got comfortable with things I started initiating, too. I think people who don't initiate will tell you they care about your friendship through their body language a lot of the time because that's easier than coming out and saying they care about the friendship. If someone is nice to you and they follow through with your plans, they probably put more effort in than a person who acts bothered by your initiating and frequently cancels plans. A lot of it probably depends on personality types and individual situations. I can tell you that effort needs to be put in by everyone, and if that doesn't happen, the friendship won't work in the end.


Articles & Resources Officer|Lead Moderator|Senior Newsletter Editor
The mountains are calling and I must go.
1941-2016

Nature does not rush, yet everything is accomplished
-Lao Tzu
Memories made in the mountains stay in our hearts forever
Move the body, quiet the mind
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Kamen Rider Gai Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
Kamen Rider Gai's Avatar
 

Posts: 6
Join Date: February 21st 2016

Re: If someone in general isn't an initiator, then how can you tell if they don't put effort in a friendship? - March 2nd 2016, 03:44 AM

Non initiators, how do you put in effort?
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Always * Offline
Member
I can't get enough
*********
 
Always *'s Avatar
 
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Location: Hogwarts

Posts: 3,186
Blog Entries: 2
Join Date: April 12th 2012

Re: If someone in general isn't an initiator, then how can you tell if they don't put effort in a friendship? - March 2nd 2016, 07:07 PM

Guess it depends how you define effort. Just because you don't initiate contact doesn't mean your don't care. You might still rush to help a friend or be quick to give advice during a conversation or maybe you're a lot of fun at a party. At the end of the day I think it matters what you need in a friend. That said, maybe the non initiating friend is still a good person to be around, but theire passivity makes it hard for you to rank them as a best friend. So maybe they're a casual friend.




Feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat or have questions
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Lionheart Offline
Member
Regular TeenHelper
*****
 
Lionheart's Avatar
 
Name: Oliver
Age: 26
Gender: Agender
Location: Neverland

Posts: 462
Blog Entries: 206
Join Date: December 17th 2013

Re: If someone in general isn't an initiator, then how can you tell if they don't put effort in a friendship? - March 3rd 2016, 05:04 PM

People are different and thus every friendship is different. Some might show that they care by always being available, or some small gestures.
I'm someone you would call a non initiator and if I care, I go along with plans. If I don't I will often make excuses to not meet up. I try to always listen and if a friend needs help, no matter the time and where they are, I will help. I'm kinda protective over the people I care about.
But again, others might show their appreciation in different ways. I know someone who most people think is extremly passive and doesn't give a damn about others, but if she cares about someone she will always remember what they say. She will know your favourit music, food, movie genre and stuff liek that and act accordingly. People just often miss it and think she doesn't care because she never says it.
So it's the small things. Some poeple (like me and her) might never ask you out and rarely initiate a conversation but we try to show that we care with gestures and always being reliable and there if you need us


It's ok to give in to an urge or make a mistake. You are only human and we all have our flaws. We all have our weak moments and we all make mistakes. Thats what makes us human.
Thats what makes us unique and beautiful

Courage isn't always a loud roar. Sometimes it is a quiet whisper at the end of a day saying: Tomorrow I will try it again!

   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
.:Bibliophile:. Offline
PM me anytime!

TeenHelp Veteran
*************
 
.:Bibliophile:.'s Avatar
 
Gender: Just me

Posts: 16,768
Blog Entries: 1770
Join Date: January 18th 2009

Re: If someone in general isn't an initiator, then how can you tell if they don't put effort in a friendship? - March 4th 2016, 04:42 AM

Well, I am not a big initiator but my friends know I care because I have done things to help them or support them in times of need.

One of my older friends lost their son a few years back and I was there offering them support. I showed up to the funeral, I talked to him about what he was dealing with and I just made effort in that way.

I've only reached out and initiated things with friends a few times. I don't text them all that often. I don't even respond to their facebook posts all that often.

So, initiating looks different for everyone.

If you aren't an initiator find things that you would feel comfortable doing and try them out. It can be simple things, really. And, if this is something you are dealing with in a friend you can look at their actions or you could talk to them about it and go from there.


|Lead Moderator|Newsletter Officer|
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
Jupiter Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
Jupiter's Avatar
 
Age: 26
Gender: Male

Posts: 10
Join Date: March 5th 2016

Re: If someone in general isn't an initiator, then how can you tell if they don't put effort in a friendship? - March 7th 2016, 09:52 AM

I have a few of these friends.

Truth is that once you get to know them well, you'll realize that if they're putting in the effort, they'll do so in relatively minor ways.

Maybe they'll always show up or they'll always be there when you want them to be. Maybe they'll discretely suggest certain things to do or things they like so that you can get the ball rolling.

People have different ways of expressing things. Just because they don't initiate a hang out or a conversation doesn't necessarily mean that they don't value the friendship. You'll notice that the people who don't really care won't bother to reply, will show up late to hang out, or may not show up at all. After a while, it's pretty easy to tell.
   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
effort, friendship, general, initiator, put

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2019, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.