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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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2anonymous5 Offline
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My best friend became a murderer - March 5th 2016, 07:53 PM

My writing skills aren't the best but I needed to write something....

My best friend murdered his own auntie and nan in cold blood... he must have planned it, I keep imagining it happening over and over again, all the gory details...

I grew up with him, saw him almost everyday and we were really close. Never once did he say (and neither did I notice) that he was feeling this way. Did I fail him? Was there something I should have picked up on?

I am really struggling to get my head round what has happened, everything feels like a dream. Like it's not real and I am still waiting to wake up, but I know I won't.

Sleep has become impossible, I have lost my appetite, I have turned back to weed after doing so well quiting a few months past. I think at timesI am being pathetic that I should man up and not let it affect me... but the truth is it does. Knowing I will never see him again, and thinking back on all the fond memories I shared with a guy who I genuinely can say I loved.

What he did is wrong on so many levels.

My brain needs to understand things, that is how I work, I can't understand this and it is slowly driving me insane. Why would he not say something, did I make him feel like he couldn't turn to me? Could I have prevented it?

He sat in my car, he came into my house, I fed him, we hit the town, we kickboxed together, we had lessons in school together, we did so much together. Everything I do I can relate it back to him in some way and it is making me sick. Should I feel like that?

I don't even know if anyone will take the time to read this but even just writing some of the details helps. Although it makes it feel a bit more real it seems like I am not trying to hide from it.

I know many peoples problems are worse, a lot worse, but I just wanted to write how I am feeling at the moment.
   
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Re: My best friend became a murderer - March 6th 2016, 12:37 AM

That is an extremely heavy thing to be carrying around on your shoulders. I can only imagine what you're going through. I can only express what it looks like from an external point of view, and I can't empathize, but I can at least tell you some things.

First, go and see a professional. There is no harm in it. It's not taboo and no one will think less of you. You may think, "I shouldn't be feeling like this," or "I shouldn't see a professional because it's not that bad." Both of those are wrong. There is no bottom line to when you should see a psychologist or a psychiatrist. A counselor will guide you through what you're feeling, and allow you to express it without restriction. Your feelings are not petty and are not too small to express and to see someone about.

Second, my objective view is that this is not in anyway your fault. You did not cause this. If it was premeditated, then he was going to do it whether you tried to stop him or not. If you knew what was happening, you could do nothing to stop it. Your friend is the only person to blame in this situation. It was cold hearted and calculated. None of that is your fault.

Finally, I'm here if you want to talk more.

I know it's not much, but I hope this helped.

Cheers,

Mitch


Because in the end, it doesn't even matter.
   
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Re: My best friend became a murderer - March 6th 2016, 06:34 PM

I guess part of my emotion is that I, compared to those such as family, haven't been the worst off in this situation. I guess I feel like my feelings are not as important as they must be going through so much worse.

Regarding the proffessional help, having confided in my friend for so long and having them as a point of contact for anything and everything. I feel a bit lost as to who to talk to now and if I even should. They knew more about me than almost anyone else, I knew more about them than almost anyone else. Yet even with all of that support and even love for each other, he still did what he did. That freindship, that bond, with me, with everyone, with the world in general, it didn't help him... But I think it may be worth it for me and I may just do that!

I know I did not cause it, but did I fail a friend by not noticing anything? And how could I misjudge him so much? How can I form friendships with new people or look at the old friendships in the same way when something like this can happen. Completely out of the blue and an utter shock to us all. I know not everyone is like that but as far as we knew neither was he...

I would like to thank you Mitch, for taking the time to read this and also to respond. I really appreciate your words and advice. At the moment my head is a bit of a mess and it is nice there are people out there who are wanting to help.
   
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Re: My best friend became a murderer - March 7th 2016, 10:00 AM

Have you tried talking it out completely (and by this I mean setting apart an hour or two to really talk it through and let it all out)?

When you feel like something is really weighing on your shoulders, you really need to talk to someone about it; about everything. I once made the mistake of only partially telling my confidant instead of just letting it all out and it came back to haunt me with depression. It also helps your head to sort through the whole thing if you can hear yourself talk about it and explain it.

Murder is not something slight. If it really is bothering you, you need to do something about it soon before it snowballs out of control. If you feel like you don't have someone in your life who could do that for you, I'm more than willing to hear you out.

I hope this helps.
   
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