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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Exclamation My mum's partner - March 10th 2016, 09:18 PM

JUST REALLY NEED TO GET THIS OFF MY CHEST BEFORE SOMETHING SHIT HAPPENS. THIS MAN (LET’S CALL HIM ANTHONY) IS MY MUMS PARTNER. HE IS OLD ENOUGH TO BE MY MUMS DAD. THEY’VE KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR 17ISH YEARS NOW. MY MUM AND DAD DIVORCED WHEN I WAS THREE AND MY SISTER WAS 4 SO WE HAD MOVED AROUND A LOT IN THE FIRST 9 YEARS OF MY LIFE UNTIL 4ISH YEARS AGO WHEN MY MUM AND ANTHONY STARTED DATING. WE EVENTUALLY MOVED TO HIS PLACE AND THINGS WE’RE GREAT. WE WENT TO SEE OUR DAD OCCASIONALLY AND WE WENT TO THE LOCAL SCHOOL.I FOUND SOME FRIENDS AND SO DID MY SISTER. IN MY SECOND YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL I DEVELOPED AN EATING DISORDER AND AT THE END OF THAT YEAR I WAS SENT TO A HOSPITAL. I WAS IN AND OUT OF DIFFERENT TYPES OF HOSPITAL UP UNTIL THE START OF THIS YEAR. I NOW FEEL THAT I HAVE RECOVERED FROM THAT BUT I DO HAVE THE ODD SLIP UP, BUT I CAN HANDLE IT. ANTHONY HAS MADE THIS MUCH HARDER. I WOULD SO MUCH RATHER BEING IN ONE OF THOSE HOSPITALS THAN BE AT HOME. I FEEL THAT HE IS NOT RIGHT FOR THIS FAMILY. HE HAS HAD 3 PREVIOUS MARRIAGES, 2 HE RAN FROM AND ONE HE HAD A SON. MY MUM AND HIM AREN’T MARRIED BUT MY MUM WOULD LIKE TO BE. SHE SAID THAT IF THEY WERE YOUNGER, SHE WOULD LIKE TO HAVE A CHILD OF THEIR OWN. I AM REALLY UNSETTLED BY HIM AS HE DOESN’T KEEP PRIVATE STUFF PRIVATE. I HAD LOOKED THROUGH HIS EMAILS AND THEIR WERE LOADS OF MESSAGES TO A WOMAN HE HAS BEEN FRIENDS WITH FOR ALMOST 30 YEARS ABOUT HOW I WAS DOING, HOW UNAPPRECIATED HE FELT AND A ‘SELFISH FANTASY’ ABOUT HIM WANTING TO MOVE AWAY TO AMERICA TO LIVE OUT THE REST OF HIS YEARS WITHOUT THE BURDEN OF THIS “FAMILY” I HAVE HAD MANY THOUGHTS OF TELLING SOMEBODY ABOUT THESE MESSAGES BETWEEN THEM BUT I THINK THAT IF I TELL SOMEONE WHO KNOWS WHO HE IS OR CAN CHANGE THINGS, WILL CHANGE EVERYTHING. I HAVE TRIED TO RUN AWAY 3 TIMES AND I AM IN THE MIDST OF A PLAN RIGHT NOW. I REALLY DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO AT THIS POINT.
   
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Re: My mum's partner - March 11th 2016, 02:24 AM

I am going to be completely honest; when parents or their spouses/partners are dealing with difficult things in the home life they might share it with people. They are likely to share it with people. Parents and their spouses need a place to share their concerns and worries and their feelings.

So, what your mom's partner did isn't uncommon. I know my dad has shared certain things about my own struggles with other people and for a very long time I was angry with him about it but then I came to the realization that he had the right to express himself during times when he was feeling overwhelmed/stressed/anxious.

I think that the best thing you can do is talk to Anthony or your mom about your concerns and see if you can come to a compromise. If the women he is sharing things with is not a close friend maybe you could ask that he talks to people that he is close too so it doesn't feel like such an invasion of privacy.

I don't think that running away is going to solve anything because then you will end up being alone on the streets and that will make your life even more difficult than it already is.

Best of luck.


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