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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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CrystalJade Offline
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Make him realize.. - March 11th 2016, 03:08 PM

I'm just about fed up with my husband. We've been married 1 year in June, you haven't read some of my other posts, and have been together since 2011.

I can't stand it though! He does not help me with housework or keeping out place clean. I work 22-30 hours a week, go to school 3 times a week, I have to do my homework, and I do the majority of the housework (cleaning, laundry, everything). I make him fold his own clothes but they sit on the floor forever. He works full time but then plays video games the rest of the time. When I turn into mega bitch he changes for a day but it's the same ol' b.s right after.

I feel like I have a larger workload than he does and he doesn't help me. I can't do everything and still do well in my studies. I love him but I've just about had enough. I don't think he even realizes what he's doing.

How do I make him realize it? My marriage is at risk here.
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alongfortheride Offline
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Re: Make him realize.. - March 11th 2016, 06:58 PM

Firstly, I'm sorry to hear about what's been going on but well done for not giving up and persevering.

Part of being married or having a partner is becoming a team with each other. It sounds like you feel like it's not so much a joint effort anymore this, as you said, causes a lot of strain on you and I can imagine it's been an argument starter for a while?

I think part of solving this is communication. If you haven't already, try to get both of you sitting down calmly and explaining it with him rationally without it ending in an argument (it's hard). If you get through to him why not suggest to write down all the jobs that need doing and assign them to each person accordingly. This way there is a plan to follow that he's been part of agreeing with. You could put the table with the jobs that need doing somewhere where he'll be- next to the tv?

Hope everything goes well x

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Rivière Offline
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Re: Make him realize.. - March 13th 2016, 12:16 AM

If it's one thing I've learnt about being in a relationship with someone is that you're their partner, not their mother and you're certainly not their slave. If you've spent time communicating with him and it's not getting through to him then I think you need to take a different approach to the situation. If talking doesn't work, try something more physical. Remember again, you're his partner. You don't have to do everything for him despite you feeling like you must. If he wants his laundry done, leave him to do his own. If he wants a clean home, leave him to do it. If he wants dinner, leave him to find his own. Don't just stop doing these things for a week or two, show that you're taking a stand and that you're genuinely sick and tired of being his slave, because that to me personally sounds like what you are for him.

If he loves you like you clearly love him, he'd pull his weight and act like the husband he signed up to be and do his part.

Life is for living, not for losing.
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Always * Offline
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Re: Make him realize.. - March 13th 2016, 01:44 PM

I agree ^^ don't put away his dishes or his clothes. If he leaves stuff sitting around, you can always bury his X box in it.
You're not his servant, so obviously he has to do his fair share.
What my boyfriend and I do is that we have a list on our phone that is shared between us (eg. He vacuums and does dishes, I sweep/mop and do laundry) and we're both responsible for picking things up that we took out during the day, like paper, pens, places and glasses, that sort of stuff. That way it's clear who has to do things. Maybe a clearly defined lost with clearly defined expectations will help because then he'll be held accountable to specific tasks

Feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat or have questions
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