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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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NeonFire Offline
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Unhappy S.O.S Really need help with this - March 17th 2016, 09:32 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Ok so here's some backstory to help you understand my situation; when I was young something happened to me and my mom and CPS (Child Protection Services) took me and put me with my grandmother and grandfather, I was about three at the time. My grandfather passed away when I was eleven and my great grandmother passed two years ago.
Ok now the current situation. Right now my grades aren't the best, I can admit that, but I've been getting total shit from my Nan (what I call my grandmother) and about it. Right now my mom is helping me get my driving permit and to be blunt, shit hit the fan and now there's a all out war between them. And I have been thinking about signing some papers that will give my mom full custody of me. And her and her boyfriend and two of my siblings are moving soon. And I was thinking about moving with them after this school year.
And a a small note, I have been depressed , and I was suicidal and I did have a suicide attempt.
I'm just really confused and I don't know what I should do, I'm leaning towards going with my mom.....I just need help....
(Edit add on) also, didn't mention there's a TON of other stuff we fighting over right now too...
   
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Re: S.O.S Really need help with this - March 18th 2016, 12:10 AM

Have you told your Nan how you feel when she gives you a rough time about your grades? If you feel comfortable talking to her, maybe you can tell her that it makes you feel bad about yourself and that, in turn, makes you struggle more with your grades. Maybe you can consider going in before school, during lunch, and after school for academic help. You can also do some research for study tips, depending on what type of a learner you are. If you tell your Nan about a plan for getting your grades up, she might give you some slack.

Are you doing anything to help with your depression? Maybe you can think about what makes you feel depressed and suicidal so you can figure out how to work on it. Something that helps a lot of people is expressing how they feel. Consider keeping a journal or a blog so you can have a safe place to talk about how you're feeling. Getting your feelings out of your system should help you a little bit. It's also worth putting together a safety plan so you can put that into play if you're feeling dangerous again.

In regards to your living situation, I think it's important to not let things between your mom and your Nan influence your choice. The stuff they're arguing about is between them and you need to make the decision that you feel is best for yourself. I think you should sit down and write a list of pros and cons of each option so you have it laid out in front of you. Then, go through that list, think everything through, and make the decision when you feel like you're ready.


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Re: S.O.S Really need help with this - March 18th 2016, 04:35 AM

Here's the thing, as of right now, going with my mom has a lot of good things with it, I'll be closer to a University and I'll be able to have some more freedom. That's mainly why me and my nan fight so much, she always wants me to stay home, I rarely hang out with my friends outside of school and she's always accusing me of sneaking off with my friends or a dude/chick after school when I'm working on my grades or working with representatives from local universities. And I'm not one of those people who go out get drunk/high/knocked up, I just do what I gotta do. And, if we're going to be totally honest here, I did relapse recently and I almost had another attempt, (bit off topic) I was on the phone with my 'other' and I was having a major anxiety attack, and that's when I relapsed and started cutting again, after that I almost went all the way and m 'other' talked me out of it. Now we talk at least once a day over the phone and we walk around in a call or watch a movie or whatever. I haven't really come up with anything else to use to cope, but now I feel like its going to get better, my 'other' is trying to plan out a way to visit this summer. Anyways, I feel like I'm happier when I visit my mom, it's fun and not so stressful, because it seems like all my nan does is whine and complain to me about what I don't do, and completely ignores what I do. If you want me to be frank, it really pisses me off because I want to make her proud so much and she just shoots me down ever time I ace a test or if I get accepted for a chance to get a scholarship. I feel like she doesn't care, and when I do try and talk to her about letting me have a bit more freedom or about what I want to do, she brushes me off and tells me that I'm "so disrespectful" and my mom is the one helping me.
And with the custody thing, I've been thinking about it or a while now... but then again this is just me rambling....
   
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Re: S.O.S Really need help with this - March 18th 2016, 06:07 AM

It sounds like your Nan is a little old fashioned with these types of things. It could also be that the 'stereotype' of teenagers includes sneaking out, attending wild parties, and doing things they're not supposed to do. Some people are set in their ways and once they get something like that in their head, they won't let it go even though it's not true. I can tell from what you've written that you're trying your best, and it must hurt when nothing you do makes your Nan proud of you. If you've been thinking about this for a while and you feel as though living with your mom would be the better choice for you, then I think you should go for it.

You should consider looking at this list of alternatives to self-harm. There's a lot, so it can seem overwhelming, but they're worth trying when you feel up to it. You just have to keep in mind that different things work for different people, so don't get discouraged if some of these don't work for you. I think at least a few from this list will be helpful.


Articles & Resources Officer|Lead Moderator|Senior Newsletter Editor
The mountains are calling and I must go.
1941-2016

Nature does not rush, yet everything is accomplished
-Lao Tzu
Memories made in the mountains stay in our hearts forever
Move the body, quiet the mind
   
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NeonFire Offline
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Re: S.O.S Really need help with this - March 18th 2016, 03:18 PM

Thanks so much!!! me and my 'other' are going to start the butterfly project together, I'll use black and they'll use red or blue. Thanks so much again for that list... I think I'll give a few others a shot too
   
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