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~anongirl~ Offline
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Question Feeling sorta bad - March 24th 2016, 03:39 AM

I've driven my parents to insanity this school year. Literally.

They have been patiently coaching me since the beginning of the year on how to be an A+ student, how to be motivated, committed, etc...

Day by day I have failed them. I repeatedly move my homework to the last minute, do not study for quizzes and exams, and can get very sloppy when it comes to organization. I just don't know why I'm not motivated.

The other day, after all the stress I've caused on my own mom accumulated, she totally lost it. She saw that my report card online for one of the subjects dropped from an A to a B, all because I got a D on my last exam, since -- as usual -- I did not study. She started throwing her phone, her textbooks, and other items at me. Some of them kinda hurt. Then she repeatedly hit me on my arms and shoulder and even hit my head twice with her fist. She kept hitting and hitting and hitting. My head was in alot of pain because I had already had a headache that day, but she wouldn't have believed me and would have said I was making an excuse. I fell to the ground and she stood over me and kept hitting. I did not cry, I just wanted it all to stop. Lastly, she grabbed my hair and started yanking it. For a second, she started dragging me by it, but I could tell she felt bad and immediately stopped.

In a way -- although she reacted badly -- I am not a victim here. She literally has been helping me become studious all year, I just wasn't committed. I'm still not. I never tell her when my quizzes are, I study last minute, and most of the time I don't study at all. I am always trying to take the easy way out when doing projects and assignments.

What should I do? How can I become more committed to studying and just be more studious?

I just wanna give up!! I am so bad at school!!
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Re: Feeling sorta bad - March 24th 2016, 03:53 AM

There is NEVER an excuse to be hit or have things thrown at you. I'm sorry that happened. Please don't believe that it's your fault.

For big assignments, break them into smaller pieces and chip away at them
Use a planner or calendar to keep track of your homework
I know avoiding procrastination is hard, especially if its something hard or boring. Take short breaks and reward yourself for finishing (or getting a certain amount done)

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Re: Feeling sorta bad - March 24th 2016, 05:18 PM

Hey there,

Iím sorry to hear your situation. But Kate is right; regardless of how much your parents Ďcoachí you, it doesnít mean they can start throwing things at you and pulling your hair. You did not cause this and you donít deserve this either.

Iím wondering if one of the reasons why you donít feel so motivated, and leave things to the last minute is because of how your parents are coaching you and then lashing out when you donít do as well as expected. At least that could be a good reason for not telling them when your quizzes are- itís very difficult to focus and be motivated when things around you are so negative, especially if you feel that you are bad at school.

You didnít cause your mom to treat you the way she did, no matter how much she mightíve helped you. Teachers arenít allowed to treat you that why, so why should a parent? I think it might help to talk to your mom about what happened. Let her know that you will try harder, but you felt hurt by what she did.

As in terms of improving for school work, do you think you might improve without your parents coaching constantly? It might help if you could come to a compromise where you take responsibility for your work, and if you are having a difficult time, then you could ask your mom for help. Donít forget you can always ask teachers and friends for help too.

I agree with Kate, about using a planner. You can write down when your assignments are due and when you have exams in advance and then fit in time to study. Break study sessions into half with a break in between, and if it helps, make goals for your study sessions and reward yourself at the end.

Try to think positive too- if you focus on how you are not good at school, you run the risk of it becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. Instead, tell yourself that youíll try your best and see where it gets you

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Re: Feeling sorta bad - March 26th 2016, 08:59 PM

As it's been said, you did nothing to deserve being treated like that. There is never an excuse to throw things at someone or pull someone's hair, no matter how intense your feelings are. What your mom did was wrong and you're not at fault in the least bit. I think you should consider confronting her about this, so your feelings around it will be out in the open instead of stuck inside. It might be worth explaining how she can help you so she gets an idea of what makes you feel supported.

Holly and Kate have given good suggestions. Using a planner can be very helpful. It's good to have everything all written out somewhere so you don't forget academic obligations. If you're not into using a planner, you can always use different colored pens or highlighters or you can draw on it to make it more interesting. You can put things into your phone, as well.

You might want to do some research to see what kind of a learner you are. Some people learn by listening, others by doing, and some learn in other ways. Figure out what kind of a learner you are, and then look into some studying tips to best assist you.

I like the idea of taking frequent breaks and then rewarding yourself after studying. What really helps me is taking a lot of breaks because looking at work all the time is tiring. So I'll get up, stretch, and then do something else productive, like empty the dishwasher or check on the laundry. After you're done studying, do something nice for yourself. Buy some songs on iTunes, catch up on YouTube videos, or reward yourself with anything that helps keep you motivated.

And remember, you can always ask for help if you need it.

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